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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I carry on being friends with him?

9 replies

Onthechaiselonguealldaylong · 29/04/2024 21:26

A good friend of mine had a crush on me several months ago, around December/January.
We used to talk almost daily and I admit I was attracted to him, he's very cute.
Then.. I just wasn't. I don't know why, however we have tons in common, we're similar, we're slightly nervous around each other, there aren't any major red flags. It's really nothing about him.

I think I did mislead him. We used to text a lot hang out, one day he suggested something that sounded date-like. I tried to politely brush him off.

We then started talking lots again but I could sense he liked me. Eventually he told me so, I think he just found it hard to keep it in. I admit I made up an excuse. In fairness he took it very well, I said I hoped things wouldn't be awkward between us and he said he'd never be awkward with me even for a second. He was really nice about it all.

Over the past few months we've still chatted a bit, but nowhere near as much as before. About 6 weeks ago he apologised for changing the dynamics between us and hopes he didn't make anything awkward.

I told him that it was really no problem and he didn't need to apologise. Essentially since I turned him down he's never mentioned it at all. He does message me occasionally and has said he values my friendship. I admit I was a bit dry in my messages because I didn't want to lead him on, and he picked up on this.

I felt bad so tried to be more friendly. I do want to be friends but don't want to give the wrong idea.
He's done nothing wrong at all. He has definitely backed off a lot and it has been months, he could be seeing someone else for all I know. Does it sound like he still likes me? Maybe he just didn't want to lose the friendship?

OP posts:
Nottherealmama · 29/04/2024 21:28

No. It's always going to be in the way and he'll always think there's a chance.

Onthechaiselonguealldaylong · 29/04/2024 21:30

It's a shame. In fairness he could have moved on, he hardly messages me compared to before.

OP posts:
Huldrafolk · 29/04/2024 21:30

So now you suddenly want to date him?

Onthechaiselonguealldaylong · 29/04/2024 21:31

Huldrafolk · 29/04/2024 21:30

So now you suddenly want to date him?

No, I just want to be friends but don't want to lead him on.

OP posts:
LondonFox · 29/04/2024 21:33

Unless you were frienda during time he was madly in love with someone else (so you know he was friend when loving other girl) there is no chance you can be just friends.

Men text daily if they:
Like you in gf/sexual way
Are your hatefull ex pestering you with shit
You owe them money

Onthechaiselonguealldaylong · 29/04/2024 21:34

LondonFox · 29/04/2024 21:33

Unless you were frienda during time he was madly in love with someone else (so you know he was friend when loving other girl) there is no chance you can be just friends.

Men text daily if they:
Like you in gf/sexual way
Are your hatefull ex pestering you with shit
You owe them money

Yeah maybe .. he doesn't text me daily anymore. I used to always text him daily too but he texts me once a week now, if that.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 29/04/2024 21:36

I think you just follow his lead. If you want to be friends then friendship might come of it. He was very interested and backed off when you said you weren’t interested. He respected your wishes but had to protect his feelings.
If you want a friendship then you can reach out and chat to him more again but sadly you likely won’t have the same level of communication with him without leading him on.

Onthechaiselonguealldaylong · 29/04/2024 21:38

Hiddenvoice · 29/04/2024 21:36

I think you just follow his lead. If you want to be friends then friendship might come of it. He was very interested and backed off when you said you weren’t interested. He respected your wishes but had to protect his feelings.
If you want a friendship then you can reach out and chat to him more again but sadly you likely won’t have the same level of communication with him without leading him on.

That's a good point. It will probably never be as close as before sadly. We used to go for coffee, not sure if we should again?

OP posts:
LondonFox · 29/04/2024 21:52

Onthechaiselonguealldaylong · 29/04/2024 21:34

Yeah maybe .. he doesn't text me daily anymore. I used to always text him daily too but he texts me once a week now, if that.

Yeah, bcs you told him you don't like him in romantic way.
You can try having more comms but also bring subjects like "I have single friend who may be amazing for you", "I am seeing this bloke etc".
Same way you would with female friend.
He will get tired if he likes you or engage with talk about other people if he is over you.
And sometimes you just to have let people go.

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