Argument with mum over childcare

[Mumoftwinsandasingleton]

I have been offered an interview for this Wednesday. My mum lives with me, my husband, my 7 month old twins and 3 year old singleton. She is 56 and has no health issues. I asked her to help out with childcare on the Wednesday so that I could attend the interview at 8:15am. My mum works from 6am to 9am and is free for the rest of the day. I've asked if she can finish an hour earlier, take the evening shift or just take the day off (literally 3 hours). She's got so mad at me saying she needs the money and she will not be taking the day off. She's living with us and only paying £30 a week (we asked for £40 but she said she couldn't afford it). She does naff all all day and since we've asked her not to watch the TV, she's now using her tablet to watch all of the daytime and evening TV. She also sleeps regularly through all of the noise and although helps out a little bit more since I had a discussion with her two weeks ago, she now seems to have reverted back into old practices of getting angry whenever I ask her to hold a crying baby whilst I deal with the other baby.

I'm currently extremely sleep deprived right now and emotional (getting approximately 3 hours a night since Thursday as twins have just started to wake up frequently at night. I honestly can't tell if I'm being unreasonable to ask her to take the day off or not because I'm so shattered and default defensive that I have no clue.

Other things to note:

• I cook all of her meals as she can't cook
• we do all the food shopping and pay all bills
• she is sleeping in the guest bedroom but which now needs to be my 3 year olds bedroom. Husband sleeps on the sofa due to how we've had to shift things
• I'm thinking of cutting off ties once the 6 week school holidays start but I have a couple of health issues which leave me mostly exhausted so I have no idea if I'll be worse off
• my mum was evicted from her flat on August 2023 which is why she is with us. It was supposed to be temporary
• I'm one of those super happy people but I'll admit, I feel crushed since the lack of sleep is taking its toll on my mood

You have posted about her before. Have you realised she offers nothing to your mental wellbeing never mind pays her way or help with the dc? She is a sponger poor and simple..

Give her notice to move out.

None of you are happy with her there. She can approach the council and say she's been made homeless.

She’s not contributing positively in any aspect of your life. Get her out.

You've posted about her before. She's lazy and doesn't help you.
Last time you said you would let her stay till your children started school.
This isn't working.
Can your husband sort the kids for your interview?
If you get the job , what are your plans?

So you're getting all the shit bits of her living with you, and no benefits. Kick her out. She's massively outstayed her welcome. Baby twins are hard enough without an adult in your home doing fuck all. They only get harder once they start walking.

Can dh take time off for the interview?

Just tell her that you need the room for your 3 year old. Give her a month to sort herself out. I can't understand why she only works 3 hours a day?

What an incredibly selfish woman.
If she helped in other ways and couldn't do it just this one time but no she sounds awful.
To visibly see you everyday struggling, sleep deprived and doing nothing to help when she can is disgusting.

Your fit and healthy mum works three hours a day and can't pay her way. She can't even help out.

It's way past time she learned some hard truths.

I won't comment on your mum as that sounds a like a whole other problem but regards to your interview your husband should be taking care of the kids. If its ok for your mum to finish early/take a day off it should be ok for your husband to go in late/take a day off.

You will more than manage your dc when dh is at work. That was your worry. I had 4 under 7 when my dh worked.

I would be tempted to use the large amount of savings you have mentioned before and sorted out a month's rent for your mum so you can get rid.

She needs to go, it really is that simple.

Hi everyone,

My husband works as a teacher very far away. So he leaves very early and gets home very late. Teachers aren't supposed to take time off due to the school holidays they are given. He would have taken Wednesday morning off but he has a lot of GCSE groups on a Wednesday morning so can't risk it. He also took a day off last week so would feel bad asking again for this week.

I've just been writing her letter of eviction. She seems more contrite now but has not said anything since our massive argument at arouned 7pm this evening. I'm going to tell her tomorrow when it's just the two of us that she treats me with contempt and I have no idea why she hates me so much. I will be stronger without her during the week

How many threads are you going to make about your mum and this situation? I remember your last one, where you said you would let her stay because you don’t want to be alone and she sometimes looks after the children. Your both using each other.

Just ask her to leave, best thing for everyone. I hope your mum finds somewhere she can live.

I remember your other thread, she's an absolute freeloader. Glad you're finally kicking her out. You'll be much happier

Wasn't she living with your sister before they both got evicted. So, I mean, she has form for not bringing anything positive to a household.

Kick her out! And be done with it.

I agree, this situation could impact your marriage you don't need your DH leaving you over this which he could do. You might if the situation was reversed!

Thanks for all the comments and votes. We have told my mum that she has to be out by the end of the month. We have drafted our letter for her eviction to take to the council. My mum was very angry with me when I mentioned we needed her bedroom for the kids as they are getting too big for the other bedroom. She called me all kinds of names including heartless and having no soul, when I mentioned she needed to leave. That was all yesterday but today she is being really kind to me again. Very strange but it's great to know it'll all be over soon

she called me all kinds of names including heartless and having no soul, when I mentioned she needed to leave. That was all yesterday but today she is being really kind to me again. Very strange

No. Entirely predictable. She's an fairly unpleasant person who, for some reason, feels that other people should keep her though she is a middle aged adult. She's now being really kind, because she expects to weasel her way round you again and carry on being a piss taking freeloader.

Be aware that she'll turn nasty when it becomes clear she has to go and you meant it. As your dh I'd be utterly pissed off to be working long hours teaching to be financially supporting this nasty old creature who was squatting in my home, taking up one of the bedrooms I needed for my child. It's utterly ridiculous that your hard working husband is sleeping on the sofa, whilst your lazy cow of a mother is occupying a spare room.

If you don't kick her out it will affect your marriage. In his shoes I'd be telling you - it's her or me!

I opened up to a friend about it on Saturday and she said the same as you. I'm determined to get her out by the end of the month. I know it has to happen

Can you ask for another slot for the interview?

This was last week. She ended up agreeing to coming home early so I wouldn't miss the interview but she ended up leaving work at the exact time of my interview! She didn't get home until 20 minutes after the interview start time. Believe it or not, I still went along and was offered the job but I couldn't accept as they were not willing to negotiate part time hours