A what would you do in my situation type post

[xaviaF]

Hi. Ok so let me start out by saying I have adhd and autism. My post is to do with property/renting/buying but also executive functioning and difficulty making decisions. I’m 41 my husband is 47 we have 3 children (2 adults 1 teen) and due to various different reasons including circumstances, naivety, me and husband having adhd/autism and not being able to see the bigger picture we made the decision, that I now know was a stupid decision, to rent instead of buying a house. Although to be fair our income has never been huge so we’d always assumed buying wasn’t an option for us.

So fast forward 20 years and we are stuck in social housing which we hate. Now I know we a very lucky to have got a social housing property as there are tens of thousands of people who need housing and can’t get it, but we both hate living here. We have neighbours from hell next door who party all the time, smoke weed stinking our house out and the general level of noise from the neighbours and their kids means we can’t relax in our home. So after a lot of thought and advice from parents we decided to go see a mortgage advisor. My dad has said he will give us a deposit of around 15,000 (although I intend on paying it back) but even with the deposit we’ve been told the most a lender will borrow us is £155,000. The majority of 3 bed houses around here go for 200k and the ones that go for less need a ton of work and money spending on them. Whilst neither me or my husband are scared of hard work and are happy to buy a fixer upper the houses we’ve seen so far are way beyond a fixer upper and would need tens of thousands spending on them to make them liveable.

There is another option of buying a new home through shared ownership which I know isn’t ideal for various reasons but at the same time we wouldn’t have the worry of buying an ofler house and having to spend years doing it up just to get it nice. The last option we have is to buy our social housing property which is exactly what we planned on doing down the line when we first moved here but sadly unless we can soundproof the entire house I don’t think I could stay here as I have anxiety (on meds) mostly related to loud noise being a trigger and I can’t see my neighbours changing how they live their lives or suddenly becoming considerate of others around them so I don’t think buying this house is an option.

I have some difficulties in processing things due to my autism/adhd and often feel overwhelmed when there are to many options in front of me and this can lead to me making rash and often the wrong decisions. So if anyone could advise me or give me their thoughts I’d be really grateful.

In the nicest possible way, I don't think you can afford to buy a house, even with your Dad's kind offer to lend you the deposit. In addition, think about the age you are both likely to be before the mortgage is paid off. I'm not sure that you could guarantee to a lender that you would both be working in 25/30 years time. House buying is massively stressful and it sounds like life feels a bit overwhelming anyway at the moment.

Is there any option to exchange your social housing for another one to get you away from the current situation?

Do your adult children live with you still? Could they add some money/rent/savings? Or if they don't live with you so you only have the one child at home could you look at buying a flat instead maybe?

Is there a cheaper area you could consider? Alternatively keep looking at the fixer uppers. Personally I'd swap a dingy kitchen for some peace and quiet anyday. Keep looking, the right thing will turn up.

Yes, you’re right i’m very overwhelmed with life right now. The fact me and dh didn’t make the right decisions when we were young have now come back to bite us in the ass and I feel like an absolute failure at life. I’m on a house exchange site and we had a potential swap the lady loved the house itself but she took it upon herself to have a drive round our street late evening on a Saturday and there were tons of kids out front running around running into and out of the road bouncing their footballs everywhere etc. The next day the lady messaged she was sorry but due to the level of noise it isn’t the place for her. I assume I’m going to have the same thing happen again if we have another person interested. I mean I don’t blame people as I don’t want to live here either.

Oh i meant to add the are in which I love is one of the cheapest parts of the borough. My adult dc has offered to contribute a few thousand pounds towards the deposit. I don’t really want to take it but he’s 21 and I’ve never charged him rent or housekeeping and he said so think of it as back dated rent that he owes me.

Although buying property may seem the best all and end all it isn't for everyone.
As you stand, with your disabilities, you don't have to worry about major repairs, boilers breaking, new roof type stuff. It may have been the best decision, not the worst, as you have raised your children as young parents yourselves, and may not have been able to do that with further responsibilities.
Your options are

• buy in a slightly cheaper area
• go for shared ownership

-work on being relocated in social housing.

If I were you, I'd do #3, and start a decent Life Insurance so that you can leave something to your kids one day.
Whichever you choose, absolute respect to you both fur your journey so far!

Ok out of all of the options presented I would say:

Forget the third option as it doesn't sound like it's that great a place to be settling down permanently.

Shared ownership might be a good idea for a non forever home. I know a couple of people who've started out in shared ownership, built up a bit of equity and then been able to have a bigger deposit to put down on their next home. (Only really works if you're in a relatively fast growing market area I guess)

Could you look at 2 beds or would your kids struggle to share? Again I know of someone who bought a larger 2 bed property and then converted the biggest bedroom into two separate rooms after a couple of years. This would probably be my preferred option.

Good luck and great idea to ask other people's advice. I also get overwhelmed making decisions for myself but can look at it much more objectively if it's someone else x

Also do the adult children work? Could they contribute to the mortgage, allowing you to borrow more?

OP please realise that just because the houses are privately owned, whether older style properties or new builds, you're not necessarily going to be free of neighbours from hell.

If you do go a head new builds are probably better for a starter home to get you onto the property ladder.

Not matter where you buy its always best to have a stroll round the area at different times/days just to get the feel of the surroundings.

Good luck..

You don't seem to have considered a private rental. It's expensive but if your income is low or reduced there is housing benefit. If you own your home with a mortgage you don't get help if your income is reduced.

Don’t be put off by shared ownership, I love mine, I own 75% and saving to purchase the rest, just do your research! Good luck

Do you have right to buy? Is that an option? Buy, live in it for however many years you’re required to and then sell up?

Why are your adult children not contributing to the household?

I'm not sure if this is to do with your ADHD or autism. Social housing is a perfectly sensible option for a lot of people (if they can get it!). I don't think you have done anything 'wrong' - you have been unlucky with your neighbours, and that could happen with a property you have bought, too. Personally I'd keep on trying to get a mutual exchange.