This is why I won't be having another child.

[Loveriver]

So please stop asking. I'm newly married and I get never ending hints and questions.
My child was conceived in an abusive marriage. I didnt know he was abusive at the time. My child was born due to placental abruption at 35 weeks. Ex showed his true colours and was dumped when my child was 18 months old.
I then did 90% of parenting and dog rearing until my ex got a girlfriend. Now he does the grand total of 30% on his terms.
My husband is not bothered about having kids and I don't want another so please stop asking why I'm not drinking with a smile.

Not sure anyone on mumsnet is asking you though….. perhaps you might want to discuss the abuse you faced or how you feel now and let that out in a safe space?

OK thanks

OMG, same.

I also have weird parents who would tell me (22 years old, fresh out of an abusive relationship) that if I had another child I would ‘lose’ DS.

The trauma is real.

Agree, bloody rude to ask intrusive questions like that.

Solidarity. People are irritating and ignorant.

To be fair, being nosy and intrusive is pretty much an essential human trait, responsible for lots of good things as well as being irritating when it’s unwanted!

Do you find a lot of Mumsnetters ask you this?

I wouldn't know if anyone in real life is a mumsnetter. This is a vent

Its such a rude and thoughtless question to ask of anyone.

People have no idea what reasons folk have or what is going on in their lives.

Yanbu. Your fertility is your business and not something to be repeatedly questioned. It annoys the heck out of me that men are very rarely asked about their plans to have/not have children.

I mean it's just a throwaway question for most isn't it?

Like, "Are you going on holiday this year?"

I don't think they actually care about the answer so a simple "No" will normally suffice.

I always found it did anyway. I mean a few people might've said "Why's that then?" and I'd reply with "I don't want any more".

Then it's back to chatting about the weather.

I just honestly reply with ‘i can’t have any!’ Makes them really awkward!

I think in general it needs to become socially unacceptable to comment and ask intrusive questions about someone else’s fertility / family plans etc.

I have the opposite issue in that I have a very big family and I’m thinking of adding to it and I get so many comments all the time that I have too many etc etc people don’t realise we’ve had ivf because we have so many dc !!! But the reality is we wanted a big family and had to struggle to get that and random people are always commenting

I also had fertility issues so it does twist a bit.