To feel pretty pissed off...

[NWLvC]

I started seeing a colleague at work just over 6 months ago and things are going really well, after 20 years of dating nightmares, heartbreak, loss of ex-hub etc., I feel I deserve a little happiness on the relationship front!
Anyway, there is a girl in the office who has been unhappy in her own relationship and is pretty much abused emotionally by her DP - for clarity, my new DP is hjer line manager. As soon as she found out about me & DP, she has shown nothing but animosity towards me (a little to him too, but not as much with him being her manager). I found out that she has had a thing for my DP for some time, and it makes sense, as when I asked her way back when if he was single, she'd said no (knowing full well he was) 🤔
AIBU to be annoyed that she is now making me feel I've done something wrong? And quite frankly, to be pissed off? We don't flaunt anything in the workplace so it's not like it's being held in front of her face 🙄

How did you find out she had a thing for him. Please don’t say he told you. As assuming you’re a grown up you know full well that won’t be the full story;

Ha ha no! Few other colleagues, and nope, I'd know if something had happened, it's the kind of industry where nothing would be kept secret

Plus, the obvious being her sheer animosity and blanking me etc which she never would do before me & DP got together

Ignore her? You sound like teenagers

This.

It's a very small office and I'm generally a nice, polite person to everyone, so I just don't understand her animosity

It does all sound a bit juvenile. So someone else fancies your boyfriend? So what? Just ignore her or, if you have to deal with her, be professional.

He's a grown up, I'm sure he can deal with her. If he's making a big deal out of her being interested in him then that's equally juvenile!

No he isn't, and I didn't say he was

Perhaps its the general frowned-upon attitude towards work relationships. If he is your superior, people will obviously assume you'll get special treatment. Also, have you disclosed this relationship to HR as lots of companies require this of "in-house" relationships.

He is not my Line Manager, he is hers; we work on separate dept's but in same (open) office. It's the type of company where relationships are acceptable, and the main gaffer knows all about it and was fine

What are the specifics of her "showing animosity" to you - what exactly is she doing?

I'd act as though there is no relationship issue and just react in the same way I would with any colleague. If it's something reportable, report it. If it's something that ought to be discussed, discuss it. If it's something that should just be ignored, ignore it.

Is her attitude toward you actually causing an difficulties in the office OP? If so, then your DP, should take her to one side and ask her what her problem is, pointing out to her that in a work environment she needs to make the effort to get along with all of her co-workers. If she says he's only speaking to her because he's your DP, then he needs to very firmly put her in her place, stating that your relationship has absolutely nothing to do with it, and that he would question her if she treated anyone else in the office in this way. Unfortunately though, this is one of the reasons why it is better not to have relationships in the work place OP, so if her attitude to you, is only between you and her, then you need to deal with it yourself.

Sounds like quite a gossipy office. And office gossip creates drama. If you didn’t think that she had a thing for your DP would you be reading anything into this situation? The fact you all think she is emotionally abused, has a thing for her manager, is jealous of you, shouts of people making up drama because they are bored at work

I know you didn't, that's why I said "if".

Something very like this happened to me many years ago. A man I was working with on a project who had been very matey with me at first suddenly started being very weird and monosyllabic with me, and then a few weeks later was outright rude and hostile to my DP, who worked in the same office. Turned out he'd apparently thought he was in with a chance with me and was pissed off when he found out I was with DP. I had no idea until someone told me.

Unless it really tips over into being nasty and inappropriate, or gets to the point where it could be construed as her bullying you, then there isn't much you can do except keep your distance from her. She's being really unprofessional.

Like the poster above. Many many years ago I was casually dating a man I worked with. He was on a different team in a different branch of the workplace and it was all above board.

My cubicle buddy, a normally friendly bubbly middle aged married woman suddenly became very short with me. The temperature dropped 10 degrees whenever I sat down at my desk in the morning and animosity became palpable.

It turned out her marriage was a bit rocky and she had an idle fantasy for quite some time that the man I was dating was going to sweep her off her feet and spirit her away to a better life. She was very upset that I had taken away her much-needed escapism. To be clear, it was a one-way crush only and she was incredibly dismissive, after the fact, that she treated me any differently at all.

A few months later she ran off with the brand new head of accounts after a whirlwind love affair where he 'Like a true Prince Charming, Mr Accounts rescued her from her terrible husband.

@KreedKafer & @PeartreeOrchard Thank you for your messages, very supportive and understanding, unlike most on here

I've done my best to be my usual self and carry on with the niceties, out of politeness and professionalism but in all honesty, it's now royally pissing me off tbf

I knòw what you mean jealously is horrible try to ignore her if you can, she will get over it as soon as she gets her own new man.