To ask how to manage in a job where I get screamed and shouted at a lot?

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I recently started a new job working with vulnerable service users. Vulnerable for every and any reason you can think of including substance abuse, mental health issues etc. I often have to have very difficult conversations with people about their money/behaviour. As a result I face a lot of verbal abuse, anger, arguments, general confrontation.

It’s part and parcel of the job - I get that. So, I want to get better at handling this and learn ways to allow it to wash over me. Sometimes knowing the person is going through a hard time with their mental health isn’t enough. Looking for advice from others who perhaps work in similar environments.

'Did you man to be so rude'!!

*mean!!!

I have worked in a similar role before so I know how hard it is

For me, having regular supervision and opportunities to get support from colleagues was vital in order to continue having compassion in the face of very challenging situations.

I would suggest that your employer has some sort of duty of care eg boundaries for abusive behaviour which you should not be subject to and in order to keep you safe. At the least they should be providing training on managing challenging behaviour and de-escalation techniques I would imagine.

This response would be totally inappropriate in the context that OP has described.

Does your company not offer training on how to handle difficult people? I would have thought in that line of work they would have to.

I would go for "I completely understand that you're upset. Please try to be respectful towards me as I am only a human who is trying to help you."

Yes training is definitely offered. And I’ve worked in roles before where this sort of confrontation crops up, so I’ve had lots of training before, but this is a much more heavy role. I just need help for how not to let it wear me down.

I think you have to remember that it's honestly not personal, even if what they are saying seems very personal "You stupid person with your stupid curly hair / big nose / spot on your forehead, why won't you do / get me...?!". You are just the person in front of them that they are taking their anger / frustration / upset out on. It shouldn't be the case, but after a while you will have heard all the insults and it will just wash over you. Try to remain calm and remember it's NOT you, it's the situation. It's not easy, but if you can compartmentalise what they are saying into your "things going into today's verbal rubbish bin", it will help. But your employer should definitely be giving training specific to the situations you will encounter.

Definitely take the opportunity for 1:1 meetings or debriefs. If this isn't offered through your workplace, can you engage in a professional group or support through a union for example?

I would also look at how your spend your time outside of work. For example, can you take time to dedicate to a hobby group each week that cheers you up? Or can you afford to pay for a cleaner to remove that burden?Being mentally healthy outside of work will help you feel more resilient, even if you currently feel well. It's easy to get ground down without realising.

Also, make sure you schedule and take all of your annual leave so that you get a proper break from work (and don't look at emails during this time).

No. Not this.

I have a similar job. I manage it with boundaries. I will often tell the person they are shouting at me and I understand their frustration but I am leaving the room to let them calm down. Substance misuse and mental health is not a good enough reason to abuse those who are helping you. So I stop the conversation until we all speak civilly, otherwise they are shouting and you can’t be heard and neither can they.

We're reminded by our managers that we are not an emergency service and simply cannot fix things, we can support and advise. Great management and supportive colleagues will get you through. I go for a walk after I finish each day to clear my mind and then once I'm home, I focus on my family. Detachment is a skill you can develop over time.

i have to remember when I’m at work that I’m not myfavouritemutant. I’m “job title”. And it’s the “job title “ being shouted at, not me. I’m not sure if I’ve explained that well - essentially separating the 2 in my head helps me.

• Ask for more training on managing conflict
• your organisation should ban repeat offenders. You are there to help, not to be constantly verbally abused and threatened.

I think, for me, it's remembering it's not personal.
The person isn't angry at you. It's not related to your personality or something you have done. It's the situation they are in or the fact they are vulnerable or ill.
If you can see them as shouting at the job role, it gets a lot easier.

Agree with other posters, my experience is more as a 1-1 with challenging young people with mental health/additional needs in education. I do think however that boundaries need to be laid still, for your well being as well as for the 'service user.' Many of the children I worked with lacked boundaries at home or didn't recognise social boundaries due to autism for instance. Boundaries enabled a functional relationship to develop in which I could do my job.

Hi, I’ve worked in a similar role and it’s tough!! Things that helped me are:

• knowing the job and the role inside and out. Knowing exactly what you can and can’t do to help someone and in which circumstances takes any uncertainty out of responses and will give you additional confidence which is helpful
• similarly, if your organisation has a difficult and vexatious customer policy, learn it. Maintain the boundaries within it - some policies will explain repurcussions for rude behaviour to staff (eg calls being terminated, services being withdrawn). Advise customers accordingly.
• Try and get information about service users prior to meetings, either through a case management system or through colleagues who may have previously dealt with them (and if you have a difficult and dangerous customer list) to get an idea of what you’re walking into. Take appropriate support with you if appropriate (eg a second officer)
• use extreme professionalism as an armour in very difficult situations. Be empathetic but hold firm
• network with as many other agencies as possible to understand who you can signpost to and in which circumstances (“I unfortunately can’t help you with that but X organisation is brilliant at that, would you like their contact details or consent for me to contact them on your behalf?”)
• having a good colleague and managerial support system is a god send, being able to come off a call/out of a meeting and say “that was a tough one!!” And have someone make you a cup of tea and a little chat is invaluable. After really difficult situations, I’d sometimes go for a little walk walk to get a coffee, this was very much permitted in my workplace (flexi time)
• remember it’s not personal, if you’re working within your policies and procedures and staying professional then you are doing you’re absolute best by your service users. Unfortunately you can’t fix things, only advice, support and signpost

if all else fails, move to a job with no engagement with members of the public like I have!!!!! 😆

Thanks all. I’ll try putting some of these into practice.