Disagreement with mother - am I justified?

[Rowrowrowyouryacht]

NC as outing.

DM is one of three siblings. She has older brother and sister. Older sister currently in hospital after operation/complications.

DM told me this today BUT only in the context of how annoyed DB is that sick sister wasn't ready to leave hospital at alloted time and now have to reschedule. DM has refused to help pick her up.

All DM said about aunty is that she'll be fine. I had to call another family member later for more info.

But back to the conversation. I try to be patient and neutral with DM as she doesn't take criticism well, but I got a bit annoyed and said that it was a shame that their sister was ill in hospital and their main focus was arguing over picking her up. I said I hoped my own children would be more caring about each other as adults.

Anyway now my mum is really hurt at my comment and i can't stop worrying about whay i said, so my AIBU is was I being unreasonable to say that to her?

Thanks

Of course you’re not wrong, are your mum and her brother always so uncaring and unhelpful? Why has she refused to pick up her sister? Could you offer to help instead?

Thanks for your reply.

I can't help because I live abroad (and also Auntie doesn't like me but that's another story!)

Oh and yes they are unhelpful and uncaring. DM won't pick up her sister because she doesn't like her.

You don't know why she doesn't like her.

My mum doesn't speak to her cousins because of historical abuse of her,

I do know, and there's no abuse there.

Obviously if abuse was involved that would be a clear reason to stay away. I'm sorry about your mum.

perhaps auntie doesnt like your mum either

Maybe Auntie is quite a difficult person and her siblings are fed up with her?!

Your mum deciding to have hurt feelings conveniently moves the attention spotlight from your aunt to her.

They're all very difficult, to be fair. They don't like each other and they don't like anyone else either.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to DM then.

let them stew op

So maybe I should apologise. I'm disappointed because they're not the family I hoped they would be, but that's my fault not theirs.

It sounds like the 3 of them don't really get on, you're probably best staying out of it and letting them get on with it! Your mum probably rang you to have a moan and let off a bit of steam, you could have just listened and said mmm yeah that sounds difficult etc, instead you gave her a telling off! Not surprised she's upset really, did you think she'd take that well? Would you?

My mums sister is a poisonous witch and my mum tried for years to have a good sibling relationship. But some people are just horrible - no one in my family would be collecting my aunt from hospital. Reap as you sow, and all that!
Your aunt doesn't like you, doesn't like your mum. Not sure why your mum is wrong to not bother with her - if my siblings disliked my kids, I'm not sure I'd be in any hurry to help them out!
Besides all that, it's their relationship, not yours and it wasn't appropriate to have a dig at your mum over something which may well not be her fault!

There are a lot of emotional toddlers out there. Leave them to it. Your DM sounds a bit manipulative if she is falling out with you now over a few words spoken in truth.

Why is that your fault?

Maybe not my fault but it's my problem. I can't have a kind family just because I want one.

You sound far enough away from them to have some distance so I’d just keep out of it and surround myself with kind people

Sounds like while you were factually correct there was absolutely no need for you to say it, it was neither necessary nor useful
Plus you probably knew how your Mum would react and while its a shame they aren't the family you deserve it is how it is.

It sounds like an unnecessary critical comment. What exactly did you hope to achieve by saying it other than shaming your mum?

Your DM told you your aunt was fine; she/DB is allowed to get mildly annoyed about being messed about by the hospital.

Why couldn’t she just get a taxi home ? The cost of parking at hospitals is ridiculous now , and all day can be spent just waiting for medication and to be discharged. I’m not surprised he was annoyed