To wonder why these women don’t speak to me?

[atchoooo]

I’m in my mid 20s and over the past few years have met 2 women who are quite older than me through work. These friendships were separate of each other but all similar - they call me their work daughter/say they’re my mum. They would get me birthday gifts/housewarming presents etc. We would socialise outside of work and they would very much treat me like a daughter almost, and also share some really personal things about themselves. They’d check on me, encourage me, build me up etc. we’d regularly go out together whether that’s lunch or something else. I even spent Valentine’s Day with one of them after she split up with her partner.

Anyway as soon as either I or they left the job we worked in together, that’s it. We had each other’s numbers but the friendship has completely fizzled out on their end.

Whilst I’m aware colleagues are just that - what I find confusing about this is how “close” they said we were so it’s almost like having whiplash with how things are now. I’m not close to my own mother so definitely appreciated their company!

I find the reference to Valentines Day a bit odd.

Did/do you have a crush on either of these women?

The work-daughter thing was really superficial, wasn't it? Not a real friendship, just a work one, however else they tried to sell it to you.

Real friendships don't need a prefix of Work-<insert bollocks reference>. They just are friendships.

Try not to be sad. See the fakery for what it was and realise that fluidity is something you'll encounter from time to time. They are no loss to you. Their puffery, whilst intense, will blow away.

I don’t think these relationships are ‘fakery’ at all. It’s really common to become close to colleagues, after all you spend more time with them than anyone else in your life and you share so many experiences together. Work friendships are not fake, but they are almost always ‘for a season’ unless you share other things such as children the same age, hobbies, live in the same neighbourhood etc.

It’s understandable that you are sad, but it’s no reflection on you (or them). It’s just the way things work out with most work friendships.

I have 2 "work daughters". I have exactly the same dob of the mother if one of them. The other comes from a Turkish background (born here) and my name means Mum in Turkish. I'm very, very fond of both of them, but I imagine they're the 'seasonal friends' mentioned, especially as I intend to move away very shortly.

It's no disrespect to either of them, I really enjoy their company and as the only other child I have has 4 legs, a tail and is inclined to lick my face it's my way of "getting down with the kids" but I imagine my contact once I've moved will be social media. Its how work friendships happen. I've been working 40 years but have only remained in touch with a handful of ex colleagues.

In my experience sadly this is what usually happens to work friendships. It's a shame.

I was talking of OP's situation, Ethno but the 'Work' relationship thing is cringey and a bit exclusive when it's over-peddled in front of others.

Genuine friendships don't need that moniker.

When you grow up and get a bit older and wiser you’ll realise this is completely normal. Work friendships are really intense when you’re spending 40 hours a week together. Once you’re spending zero hours a week together it is really easy to remember how little you actually had in common. Move on dear. This will happen repeatedly throughout your working life 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've had relationships like that in every job I've had, rarely speak to any of them now- I dont think it's out of the ordinary as life moves on.

Do you reach out to them?

Our work place is like this when someone moves teams. They might only be 4 foot away but it may as well be 100 miles.
Don't take it personally

I'm sorry you're hurt, OP.

PPs above have it right. Most workplace relationships are temporary; only in rare cases have I encountered the exception in which I've made a true friend at work.

But 'situational' friendships are the norm. It's for precisely this reason that statements such as this: they call me their work daughter/say they’re my mum would make me deeply uncomfortable.

I like this re the three types of friendships: “friend for a reason, friend for a season, friend for a lifetime”. Some people develop from reason/season to lifetime but they are few.