that for once, when i fancy that when i imagine that i am going to bump into my dad and he will be overjoyed to see my DD that just once, is it too much to ask

[lucyellensmum]

that for just one time he could see the beautiful, clever, funny little grandchild that he never saw before he died.

I'm sorry if this seems morbid, but i do this all the time - imagine him looking at her, watching her do something new, walking around the corner and him being so pleased to see her but pretending to run away like he did with DD1.

This is madness, he died two years ago and i do this every single day

LEM I kow exactly what you mean

DS2 was just 2 when my dad died, and though he knew him for that short time, he would be so proud of how both my boys turned out.

I miss him

feel very sad for you he is probably watching from somewhere and how lovely you keep his memory alive sorry i dont know what to say

How sad. I'm sorry lucyellensmum. Grief is such a hard thing to live with.

My PIL died 5 years before I met DH and 6 years before DD was born. It kills DH that they never met me or their last grandchild (DD is the only gc born after their death). They have been dead for over 12 years now and it is still a very raw source of sad regret to DH.

sorry, 7 years before dd was born

My mam had a friend who was there the whole time we grew up. She had no kids of her own, but she told everyone I was her dd as we had the same colour of hair

After dd was born my mam looked at her & said "Oh, I wonder what K would have made of her, I bet she would have loved her."

even now when I visit her grave I shed a tear thinking about how she would have loved both my little blonde kiddies....

So I know where you're coming from LEM.

Sorry, I meant to say she died when I was 12.

Sorry to hear about your dad LEM

I know exactly what you mean...my dad died 8 weeks after dd2 (2.7) was born. It makes me sad that she won't know him and vice versa...he would have adored her, she is such a little character.

It was also very difficult while I was pg with ds...dad was so supportive during my other pregnancies and to not have him around was really hard... and ofcourse he never saw his gs.

Sorry I'm being even more morbid than you I think

We'll just have to make sure that we tell DCs all about their grandads and how much they would have loved them

I feel for you lem. My dad died two days before dd1s due date, she ended up being two weeks late and came with me to his funeral at 6 days old What I'd give for him to meet my growing little family.

Group hug for us all

(((((((((((((({ })))))))))))))

I certainly now what you mean as well.

My dad passed away 3 years before DD was born, and my mum passed away when she was just 2..

My parents would have been such a big part my DD lifes.

Both PILs also passed away before she was born, so not only is she an only child (not by choice) but she has no grandparents either..

I do talk to my mum about DD though, as I believe that they can all see my DD and are enjoying her as much as I am.

I'm sorry, i feel shit for starting this thread really. As i know there are many of us living without our parents. I just feel as if i cannot close the book. The thing is, i feel so guilty - she was 8 weeks old when he died and i never took her to see him, he had advanced alzheimers and was just completely out of it. I was so paranoid about DD catching an infection or something that i never took her to the hospital to visit him when he was dying. I hardly went to visit him myself, i just couldnt handle it. I put up a barrier, told myself my dad had already gone and this man was not my dad. What a fucking coward, i told myself i would have to live with it at the time - well now i do, and then some!! I mean, what harm really could have come from taking her?? He was in a mental hospital at the time because he had seriously deteriorated and i told myself that i would take DD to see him when he went back to the care home after he got his medication sorted. I was paranoid about hospitals as DD picked up strep B in her umbilicus at the hospital. While he was in the hospital he was diagnosed with lung cancer, i visited him a few times but he didnt even register i was there, so i just didnt go, my mother had to go alone (im not proud of this). I took DD to the hospice when he died, I tried to tell my dad about her, but i know he couldnt hear me. I'm not sure if i would have actually took her to see him you know, because how cruel would it be to take the most precious thing to him and then take her away

Thats the irony, he would have loved DD beyond the stars, to the moon and back - but he never saw her, and that is my fault

Oh, how enormously sad. Your post swims with guilt. Misplaced grief-ridden guilt. You poor thing. Have you had any sort of grief counselling ?

I think it is natural to feel protective of your tiny DD in an environment like a psychiatric unit. The infection worries are also natural given the previous infection she had had. I wish I could take away your guilt.

Oh LEM, so sorry that you are carrying this burden

Have you thought about having some counselling to help you find a way to forgive yourself?

Sending love

lucyellensmum don't fell bad for starting this thread - I think it does it all good to be able to talk about it, I know it certainly helps me

Re your dad - you did what you thought was right at the time. Like you said you thought he was coming home and you could show him your DD then (in a safe environment)

My dad had dementia so I understand why you didn't.

I have loads of things I wish I could change about my mums death (and my dads tbh) but I can't.

Re your dad not seeing your DD, I really do believe (I think because I have to, to feel better) that my mum and dad can see my DD.

Tell your DD all about your dad, so she knows about him. My DD often says that she misses her nanna, grandad and other grandparents and she only met her nanna and she can't really remember her anyway - but because we talk about them she feel them if that makes sense.

dont feel bad he wasnt himself when she was born

again for you LEM

I hope you can get some help and find a way to deal with your grief and guilt (misplaced as NDP said)

((((hugs))))

i had counselling for pnd and anxiety, i started to cry when she asked about my dad - so she said, oh, we wont go down that road then, we don;t have enough sessions .

Thankyou everyone for being so kind. It has helped me after a horrendous day to write that down, ive never told anyone you see.