I am dyspraxic and I will get in your way please don't hate me

[cranberrypi]

AIBU to ask for tolerance for people like me who can't judge speed and distance and are very spatially unaware?

I am forever getting tutted at, called rude, whatever, for walking too close to someone, or not realising I'm in the way, or going through a door that someone else was just about to go through, or going ahead of someone to pick up something from a supermarket shelf that I didn't realise they were just about to pick up, or hundreds of other misdemeanours I have absolutely no control over.

I do very occasionally make accidental physical contact, not in a rough way, maybe accidently touch you with my shopping bag or something

But unless I lock myself away for ever and never come out, it is going to happen, and I get so fed up with being constantly moaned at, glared at, tutted at, called rude, etc. Please don't.

I think all you can do is apologise when it happens, and understand that how on earth are people going to know its a genuine issue versus you being rude?

Do you not apologise when you do it though? I get it’s hard for you but at the same time people aren’t going to be happy with a lot of the behaviour you described. You don’t know what problems they may have any more than they know yours.

You can't expect people to know.

I sometimes use a white mobility cane when out. I would hope that you'd see it and not walk too close

You can't expect people to know, you just need to apologise every time

Me too. I will also walk into your furniture and trip over things randomly. When going downstairs I will definitely be hanging on to the handrail. Don't sweat it OP, just apologise if necessary and get on with stuff.

But people don’t know anything about you.
Just that you (from their perspective) barged into them. I hope that no one is truly unkind to you but it’s difficult to expect everyone to just happily take being walked into on the off chance that they may have dyspraxia.
Apologise politely every time. That’s all you can do.

Our physical space is very important to us. It sounds difficult for you but no one likes being bumped into and a tut is an understandable response. Just apologise quickly - get in before the tut! “I’m so sorry I have difficulty judging space”.

Sounds tough though OP so I do feel sympathetic to you.

yeah, I apologise, but sometimes the amount of hate I get in the average day is a bit wearing and sad

Thanks for your post OP. You’ve just described one of my children to a tee and I’m now off to research dyspraxia.

YANBU to be dyspraxic. YABU to ask people to ignore everyone who gets in their way, many people are just selfish and thoughtless (not you) and deserve to be tutted at. It’s mainly men who think they own all rights of way though.

I'm dyspraxic and autistic. I would much rather you barged into me than the regular light brushing against me that happens with neurotypical people in a crowd or on a busy bus. Because that feeling is sensory hell for me.

Your frustration should be aimed at the dyspraxia. Not random people going about their business.

Having a physical disability (if that’s how you personally see it) absolutely sucks. No question. But for some people that is sadly life, and they have to make adjustments. There’s no need to be dramatic and threaten never to leave your house. But you can find other things in your life that give you enough joy to weather this side of things.

I get you, OP. I say sorry all the time and try to make myself as small as possible so as not to be in the way. And I always fail. I am always in the way and I hate it.

I think it's worse because dyspraxia isn't really seen as a real disability even though it affects us daily.

If there is something you can trip over, walk into follow fall over, I will. I once fell down a flight of stairs on a mezzanine (one of those false levels in a high ceiling rooms where a bed platform was) and landed on my friends dining table which was underneath, so god knows how I did that.

yeah. I just get in with it and apologise a lot!

Cranberry - how big an problem is this that this happens multiple times a day?
I know people with dyspraxia and they do struggle with so many things, but I can't ever remember being barged into!

You are going to have to accept if you are bumping into people they have a right to be upset. You can apologise and you can try to take steps to mitigate.

I'm ND and I make many many concessions and adjustments to my life and how I go about my day to day life to cope with having that disability.
Unfortunately no one is going to give us a medal.

I dont barge into people, I probably make physical contact accidently once every couple of months. But the getting in the way, making people, slow down or swerve to avoid me, that is a ouple of times a day, sometimes

You are not the only person in world with a condition.
Some of those people you are barging into may have conditions that cause them pain at the slightest touch, balance issues that risks them being pushed over easily, ASD, OCD etc .

Yeah I’m sorry but I’m dyspraxic and have two dyspraxic sons, so I’m very aware of this problem.

But I also have joint and mobility problems that make it very painful if somebody knocks into me or if I have to serve suddenly to avoid somebody.

So I am going to instinctively react with a tut or dirty look (or even a sort of huff noise I make when I’m in pain) if you get in my way or knock me.

All you can do is say sorry - if you feel the need you can even say “sorry, I’m disabled”. But it’s not reasonable to expect people to not react when you knock into them.

Have you had any occupational therapy? That can work wonders to improve your issues.

I hear you. I have dyspraxia and chronic vestibular migraine which is made ten times worse by busy environments and fluorescent lights, so if I'm in a shop/supermarket/hospitaI type environment, I am both impossibly clumsy and severely dizzy/spaced out, with all the anxiety that goes with it. I ricochet through life apologising to people - it's exhausting. I tend not to actually walk into people, but I do quite often have to stop and hang onto something, which annoys people behind me. One of the vestibular groups on FB produced t-shirts a few years back that said 'Dizzy, not drunk' and I wish I'd bought one.

I was given a sunflower lanyard by a medical professional at one time. I have never worn it, but after today am giving it serious consideration

Most people, if you apologise (and especially if you mention that you have a disability) will be understanding. Even if they start off with a higher level of irritation, they'll immediately back off and probably feel a little guilty if they tutted at you or scowled.

It must be frustrating to have to apologise often for things you didn't intend to do, but I don't see a way around it. Some people do this type of thing simply because they're inconsiderate, and on rare occasions it's intentionally aggressive, and there's no way to tell which is which, if we don't know the person.

@cranberrypi - I have one. I keep it in my bag for really bad days.

Dyspraxia is among several of my adult relative's ND diagnoses. Her experience is very similar to yours.

Whenever she is close to someone and thinks there's room, but has misjudged it because of her poor spatial awareness, I've asked her to try giving the people twice as much space as she thinks is okay.

Also, sometimes taking just a little more time to observe how much space there is before acting can help.

Like many other ND conditions, dyspraxia is invisible, so you cannot expect strangers to know or understand.

Also have a look at visual processing disorder as they can be similar.

My son has similar problems and struggles with these things too. It's tricky but like people have said others don't know, or indeed understand. I think all you can do is apologise .

I was going to say, you need a lanyard. People are too busy going about their day to be kind to everyone but will generally know to adjust their attitude immediately for a lanyard wearer.