Was I right to call out this man?

[CoralWasp]

Over the years I seem to have had several men who see me as some sort of distraction/ego boost when they're unhappy in their relationships. I find it incredibly disrespectful to their wives/partners and also to me, and feel like this has just happened again.

Somebody added me on social media who I haven't seen or spoken to since we were 18 (now early-mid 30s). I hung out with him as part of a group and it was never anything more than platonic. Lost touch when people went to uni and such and last week I received a completely unexpected social media friend request and message.

I was happy to hear from him and we started with a chat about what we were doing these days, he told me he was married and so on.

I'm single and he seemed to be quite interested in my dating life for some reason. Then the constant messages started, the 'good mornings ' and several times a day messaging.

I saw right through it. He messaged me just saying 'i'm bored, what are you doing?".
I replied 'where's your wife?' and he told me they were 'going through a rocky patch'

And what a surprise, the timing coincides perfectly with you deciding to get back in touch with me 🙄
I told him I wasn't stupid and knew what he was playing at. He acted completely blindsided and accused me 'jumping to conclusions' saying he doesn't know 'what he's supposed to do with that info' and a passive aggressive 'i'm sorry you feel that way ' thrown in.
I sent a firm, assertive message and then blocked him.
As I say I've had this a few times when their marriages are stale or rocky. It's not like we're established friends either, it really winds me up and I feel sorry for their partners.
Does this sound like he was in the wrong?

Sounds like he was fishing.

why do you accept the friend requests then?

a male you knew 18 years ago sends a friends request... thats red flag number 1, he tells you he's married.. in this situation red flag number 2...

personally the only reason men send friends requests under these circumstances are because your profile probably says single.. and they see an opportunity.

True, I naively gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he might want to have caught up with an old friend. My bad..
I'm so angry at him turning it on me saying I'm 'jumping to conclusions '.
He's blocked now luckily.

I've had to be very blunt with two married colleagues who have not-so-subtly hit on me, I do not give flirting vibes or attract it at all, it's all them - I feel awful for their wives.

I'm not single but it doesn't seem to matter to some men. Makes me wonder how many people are monogamous nowadays.

Sorry to hear you've had it too. They're animals!
Same, I didn't flirt whatsoever with this one. Even if he weren't married I would not be interested at all, however then the constant 'what you doing?' messages started.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with accepting the friends request at all because we all get requests from old schools friends etc.

And I think you are right to call him out.

Some people need the ego boost of seeking attention, compliments etc from other women despite being in a relationship. It’s cheating.

Even if they are going through a rocky patch they should be working at the relationship instead of sending seedy messages to other people or just being honest that they aren’t suited to a relationship, end it and then message multiple people etc.

You became friends because that ALL you thought it was. Don't let the mean girls tell you otherwise. He's fishing and you have told him to do one..it is all him, nothing on you.

I'm a bloke,fb mates with one of my oldest best friends...who is female. I told my wife, if anything was going to happen between us, it would have happened 30 years ago...my mate thinks the same, I have feelings for her, but like I do for my cousins who are female.

Thank you for understanding.
Exactly, if it had been an old female friend, the question of accepting it wouldn't even come into place.
It's sad as I enjoyed being friends with him aged 18, but that was 15 years ago and he's shown who he is. Good riddance. Poor wife.

Thanks for understanding. There's nothing at all wrong with having a quick catch-up with an old friend. He was then trying to make it some sort of daily messaging/intimate thing which was wrong, and then had the cheek to blame me when he was pulled up on it.

He’s not angry with you because you jumped to conclusions and assumed he was some sleazy shitbag trying to have an affair. He’s angry with you because you identified that he was just a sleazy shitbag trying to have an affair and you refused to fall for his old rubbish. You know you weren’t wrong to do what you did, and bloody good for you for doing it! 💐

Yanbu fortunately I don’t have this problem anymore lol but when I was younger working in the office I’d always have married men hitting on me. You appreciate more how pathetic it is when you’re older or at least I do!

He is probably to 5 other women!