To tell my partner I'd rather have a second child than a house?

[ThisPeachSnake]

Ideally, I want both.
He seems to think we will be unable to afford a second AND a mortgage, which I don't agree with.
He would rather buy a house than have a other child. I guess I'd rather have a second baby, which won't happen until our first is at at school anyway.

I just don't know what to do or think!

Is it one or the other?

I think you need to look at your budget, what you want, when you want it. What your priorities are?

I think you both need to sit down together and write a budget/savings plan so you can both see the reality of house Vs child.

Is a smaller house an option? Or a bigger age gap between children?

If I could only have one, either a s co d DC or a house, then I think I'd agree with you. I'd prefer a second DC.

That's a tough one. it's important to be realistic of the cost of children and a mortgage though - can you look at the numbers together and discuss possible situations?

YANBU. It's hard to have it all - at least at the same time. If you can only afford one, could you have baby first and then mortgage once baby is at school?

Hard to say, it depends what your current living situation is like.

For me having a secure home, in an area with decent schools would be top priority.

Would you like to swap partners?
I am desperate for a new house but my partner dropped it on me that he wants another baby in exchange for a new house 😪 I'm totally not willing to compromise, so will see how it plays out..

is there a compromise over timings or potential to earn more? Does DH want another child?

if you are waiting until DC1 goes to school for a second child to manage nursery fees, and you can’t afford fees plus mortgage, you could be looking at up to 10 years before you can start saving for a house depending on the age of your DC.

I think your long term financial planning is worth considering.

Second the idea to work out a hypothetical budget. Is childcare the issue?

How close are you to affording a house?

Childcare expenses will be part of banks calculations re: how much you can borrow and affordability. So two sets of nursery fees might set you back in that regard.

Yes, childcare is the issue. We don't have any local family who could help out sadly.

We also want to move out of London, and aren't sure where to at the moment. I guess this makes it a little more difficult to do a budget but agree would be good to try and get it all down!

without guessing / knowing your ages and circumstances it’s hard to decide if you / your not being reasonable. Personally I think securing your financial future is a priority - renting short term is fine but eventually you need to buy and that will be harder with more mouths to feed and as house prices grow.

I would suggest that you think about your current DC’s future and not of a child that doesn’t exist but understand the emotional compromise

😂 (at the partner swap!)
That sounds tough for you, wishing you happiness! X

We've got a good deposit. The childcare fees do set us back a lot in terms of a mortgage. I'd say it's around a year away, for buying, but it's just that everything has to be timed just right!

I just need to get my ass into gear and make some moves.

I suspect once you have bought the house, the idea of a second child won’t seem so impossible.

Ditto on once they’re at school and your childcare bill is reduced.

Personally I'd rather feel more financially secure with a house for my child than risk having more and being at the mercy of rentals

We had to stop after 1 due to childcare

Definitely work out a plan and research areas you could move too and depending on your age there is nothing to stop a conversation further down the line