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Original poster

Should we have taken a gift for all the children

21 replies

Dialio · 27/04/2024 19:26

DD is 4 she’s in reception, her school is pretty small only 22 kids in her class.
Today we were invited to the party of 3 siblings, a 5th birthday for a girl in her class then a 3rd for twin siblings.
I took a gift just for the girl in DDs class however I noticed several parents had gifts for all 3 or one big joint gift.
The invite was phrased “You’re invited to Bella, Lily and Ruby’s party” (changed the names).

Was I unreasonable to only take one gift? What would you have done?

OP posts:
SadWench · 27/04/2024 19:28

Do you know the other children?

We are often invited to joint birthday parties and it wouldn't occur to me not to take a gift for each of the birthday children - but they're always children in my daughter's class not just ransoms we don't know.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 27/04/2024 19:28

I would have done the same OP as I’m sure the friends the other two children had invited would bring presents x

Original poster
Dialio · 27/04/2024 19:30

SadWench · 27/04/2024 19:28

Do you know the other children?

We are often invited to joint birthday parties and it wouldn't occur to me not to take a gift for each of the birthday children - but they're always children in my daughter's class not just ransoms we don't know.

Sort of, it’s a small village so we see them about and the mum works at DDs school but they aren’t DDs friends or in her class, I’d know them by name if I seen them at the park though. Only the 5 year old is in DDs class and friendly with her.

OP posts:
Sunnydays0101 · 27/04/2024 19:31

I think what you did was fine. I don’t think you’d be expected or should have had to buy three gifts. A joint gift would have been fine too - a few books or a board game.

If I’d usually spend £10 on a birthday gift, I certainly wouldn’t have spent £30 on a joint if three gifts.

MummyDummyNow · 27/04/2024 19:31

The invite stated it was a party for three children so I would have taken a present for each child. I can't imagine being invited to a party and not taking a gift for whoever's party it was.

TTPD · 27/04/2024 19:32

I think where two friends have a joint party and both invite each guest then yes, take a present for each child.

A joint party for different age siblings where each sibling will have their own guests, then I'd do what you did and just take for the child mine knew.

Trickabrick · 27/04/2024 19:32

I’d have taken a present for the kid in my kid’s class and probably a smaller gift for the siblings (but more of a token present). But I think what you did is fine too.

Badgerstmary · 27/04/2024 19:33

Op I think what you did was absolutely fine.

Dacadactyl · 27/04/2024 19:34

I don't think there's a right or wrong to this.

I don't think the mum will think "she was bang out of order not buying for all 3".

It was nice of some people to buy for all 3, but I wouldn't have said it was essential.

You did what you felt was right at the time.

Chasingthewilddeer · 27/04/2024 19:35

I think it is fine but i probably would have taken a token gift for the twins

kezzykicks · 27/04/2024 19:35

I have been in this situation awww room and bought a gift for both siblings (the one in my ds' class and the older one I didn't know). The mum sent a message saying thank you and that I really didn't. We'd to have bought one for the older boy. So I think what you did was fine but also it was fine for others to bring presents for everyone!

WatermelonWaveclub · 27/04/2024 19:37

I did a joint party for my DC once. Some people bought a gift for each or a joint gift and some only for one of them. I was completely fine with it and grateful for them all.

TeenLifeMum · 27/04/2024 19:37

I have twins who were in separate primary classes so some parents would bring 2 gifts and others would just bring one - but I did invite from one dc in the hope it was clear we weren’t expecting two gifts. Don’t over think it. There’s no rule book. Now dc are older, they have clear friends and get gifts from their specific friends.

Minimili · 27/04/2024 19:44

I think it’s reasonable you bought a gift for the child whose birthday you had gone to celebrate.

If your daughter isn’t friendly with the other kids then I don’t see why you’d be expected to buy for them.

We are in a cost of living crisis and I imagine they held a shared party in order to save money, if I had been invited to that party I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy multiple presents and I wouldn’t spend money I needed for my child on kids I don’t really know.

It’s likely the people who bought for all the kids are close to all of them, either that or they can afford to do it.
Don’t apologise or draw attention to it and I doubt anyone will question it, hopefully they will just be grateful you bought a present for the child your daughter is friends with.

I think it’s expecting a lot if they wanted gifts buying for all 3 kids. If they were all in the same class or the same age then fair enough, but with the kids being different ages then you’d assume they were only hoping for gifts from the kids actual friends.

Icepop79 · 27/04/2024 19:59

What you’ve done is absolutely fine. I threw a joint party for my kid once. The ones that knew my child got her a present. The ones that didn’t just got presents for the other child. If they knew both children they got them both presents.

Ribizli · 27/04/2024 20:30

Our class is also very small (less than 15 kids) and we have a good parent community. We all communicate with each other and generally we know siblings and who belongs to who and they do know my girls birthdays are very close to each other.

My daughters will have a joint 5th and 1st soft play party. We’ve sent the invitations to the classmates with only the 5yo name on it and I don’t expect them to bring anything for the 1yo.

For those parents who wanted to bring younger siblings to the party, I’ve offered to add them to the guest list as the 1yo’s guests, so they don’t have to pay extra entry fee or worry about childcare. If they bring something for her too that’s fine, but if not, I’m not fussed either as she probably won’t know what’s happening anyway. 😀

We’ll also have close friends there too who know both girls well and they know it’s a joint party.

I’ve also attended a joint party with my daughter before. We only brought one gift. I didn’t know the other kid at all, never heard about him before and I assumed his name on the invitation was the party girl's last name as I didn’t know her very well either. Only realised at the party when I saw the names with ‘&’ on a board 🙈😂

Springchickenonion · 27/04/2024 21:03

The ones here for example twins, but 2 seperate classes. Parents have always said please only bring a gift for the child that your child shares a class with, if you want to bring one at all. It probably saves them doubling up on 2 of everything, and lets be honest, plastic tat.

exomoon · 27/04/2024 21:25

WatermelonWaveclub · 27/04/2024 19:37

I did a joint party for my DC once. Some people bought a gift for each or a joint gift and some only for one of them. I was completely fine with it and grateful for them all.

I think you should have only asked people to get gifts the for the child they know. Are they twins?

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 27/04/2024 21:47

I'd have done the same

anon4net · 27/04/2024 21:59

The parties I've been to like this you take a present for the person for whom you are friends. So the twins' friends would presumably bring for them, the 5 year old for her. I don't think you did anything wrong. Some would bring a token gift for the others, but some wouldn't

Rosestulips · 27/04/2024 22:01

What you did was fine.

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