To mention baby developmental concerns

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Wise mumsnetters based on what I piece together & see (hour or two every fortnight) AIBU to be concerned (I think I am) (& should I mention - not sure)? DSD 21, baby 12m. Baby v. placid. Sits & crawls (but mostly held). Not 'cruising'. Might ? Pull himself to stand.,( I've not seen this). Doesn't point or appear to 'want' anything or appear interested in reaching/grabbing other than odd time, (& slight recognition of a bottle.) Makes limited noises, never heard cry, no gurgling, NO babbling. Possibly, reacts to name. Doesn't wave goodbye. Can 'half-clap' randomly. Rarely if it all smiles/laughs. Not using a sippy cup. Can't feed himself (or not given) finger foods. Not using spoon..fed by mum only. Diet consists of 3-4 bottles, a day given during nappy changes (I found this odd), a yoghurt and possibly a 'pouch' of food, perhaps a banana. No home made veg or fruits. 16 years since I was a baby-mum. Are these early alarm bells?

I would be concerned.

I'd be concerned but seeing an hour or so you could just be missing

I would be quite concerned. Far too many bottles and food sounds concerning. What is dsd saying? If it's her first then maybe she doesn't know any different?

Yes, only seen briefly but there is never any food except a bottle.

Yeah, all kinds of alarm bells going on regarding parenting and development.

YABVVVVVVU.

You see this child for an hour or two every other week. Maximum four hours a month.

You do not know if there are developmental concerns that mum is dealing with. If there are sensory issues, or other such things going on. It is none of your business, and you know this.

You see this child for an hour or two every other week. Maximum four hours a month.

You do not know if there are developmental concerns that mum is dealing with. If there are sensory issues, or other such things going on. It is none of your business, and you know this.

I disagree strongly. The OP has seen enough to give her an idea of what the baby is doing/not doing and how her mother is interacting with her. Lots of red flags.

No, she hasn't.

If she only sees them for 2 hours a month, she has no idea what is going on. Perhaps baby isn't comfortable around a stranger and is clingy to mum?

When I gently question , it's evasive, defensive or doesn't make sense. I'm not suggesting deliberate neglect just not aware. Last time they visited I offered 'food'. Mashed banana , fed with spoon. The comment was he likes them. He's had 3 today! This time, after suggested home made veg purees, & explained freezing pots she said he tried mashed potato (apparently all the other veg in the shops wasn't fresh so not worth buying!!!). These are the types of odd explanations.

Yes, some babies are clingy, but making almost no sounds for an hour at a time is really odd. I think the first port of call would be a hearing test.

So you're questioning her parenting choices, as her stepmother, and she's not giving you much back because you don't have a right to know?

Yes I would be concerned.

This does sound like you are overstepping quite a lot.

If the baby is sitting and crawling then gross motor skills are on track.

The lack of noise making etc is a concern but it sounds like you are trying to push her down a particular route (I never did frozen home made pureed veg for my kids, far far too much hassle) and she is responding by not telling you anything.

To me movements sound fine if sitting and crawling. Not all babies cruise before walking, mine didn’t. I don’t think many babies are able to spoon feed themselves at 12 months either, mine didn’t til about 16 months. Maybe a bit unusual in terms of responses and reacting to others. I’d be most concerned about the food being offered as the diet sounds limited but please try to be supportive rather than interfering.

I know that she doesn't think there are developmental concerns. Baby is not clingy. Will go to any one. Almost toooo easily. Mum could drive away & he wouldn't react. I also know she has no assistance with parenting and she is a young relaively isolated mum who really loves her baby but POSSIBLY either not stimulating him, overlooking developmental issues and/or not feeding him appropriately. I think I see enough...to be accurate in what I see but not sure how concerning this is.

Personally, I don't think veg purees as a main diet is particularly developmentally appropriate either (babies should really be eating mostly "normal" food minus the salt at 12mo). But the lack of babbling etc. let alone speech is concerning. The child I know who was like this ended up having significant language delay. ETA: He also was very very placid and would happily go to anyone with absolutely no separation anxiety, which was unusual.

You're judging her because she's a young mum.

Baby has a secure attachment to her, and seems on track. You see 4 hours a month. You don't know what food is being offered. Back off!!!

Yes, judging, because at 20 with limited life experiences, no mum to guide, no friends and no baby groups associated with I feel uneasy with what I see.

What does your husband, the grandfather, say? Has he concerns about his grand daughter?

It obviously can be the case that she is a young inexperienced mum but there also could be developmental concerns which I imagine will get flagged at the HV checks. My autistic son was a very placid baby (you often get both extremes in my experience).

It really depends on your relationship and your partners relationship to her, will she be open to support and guidance?