To not know what to do

[Justrolledmyeyesoutloud]

Year 7 dd won't be left home alone. This morning, l have to go outbfor an hour, dh needs to pop to the shop 2 mins away for bread milk. Dd is bed comfy and warm but had a meltdown about being left at home so had no choice but to get up and dressed even though he wouldn't have been out long at all. Really mature in loads of ways and happy to let herself in the house for school on the odd occasion l go to work early. Or go to the shops alone etc. But panics if l leave work 5 mins late and will have to go home to an empty house- just feel like aged 12 she should be able to stay indoors. Tried the softly softly approach and don't want to get hard about it but am stuck.
Any advice wise mumsnetters?? Trying to build it up slowly hasn't worked either!

Sorry let herself out the house that should have said

Go at her pace.

Can you say more about the meltdown? Was it a panic attack?...I associate meltdown with sensory needs not being met.

Have you spoke to her about what it is exactly about being on her own that bothers her?

But why can’t she cope with it? That’s the crux here and what you seem to be overlooking altogether.

what does she say when you ask her? Not in the height of panic at being asked to do it but when calm.

maybe come up with a plan in small steps to work towards being home alone for longer?

Have you asked her why she hates being alone?

Ds was like that. Apparently someone could have broken in and murdered him.
Same ds who was adamant he was in labour once on holiday. We were awful for not realising he may have needed a c section.
Asd....
Kept it very hidden until 2020 and Covid hit....

DD15 is ND and struggled with this too until the last year or so.
I went at her pace, talked to her about scenarios she was worried about and over time increased the amount of time I was out.

She is now perfectly happy to be home for a couple of hours on her own, but will often call for a chat 🤣. I am literally two mins away shopping etc

He thought he was in labour?

We have done it before where l stay on the phone to her while she is home, and after a minute or so she says oh l'm fine.
I can understand her not wanting to go into a empty house especially winter time but strange that she is usually happy to let herself out in the morning. Maybe l will start leaving a little bit earlier and build on that.
When we talk about it in a calm way, she just says she's not comfortable with it - nothing like scared of murderers etc.

I'd just go with it for the moment tbh. If she was kicking off about having to go to the shops that would be different but if she's happily getting dressed to go along, I'd leave her to it. See where she is in a year. It sounds like something that will self resolve with age.

Yep. Also was once adamant he had a nail in his finger.. He clearly didn't.. I had to ring 101 to reassure him.

My DS are both like this. They're 9 and 11. One is diagnosed ASD. It drives me mad because I can't go anywhere without them and now I'm a single parent.