Sooo.. I've had my mum over for three weeks staying so she could visit grandkids which is a bit long for me as I do love her but find it difficult to have conversations with her for a couple of reasons.
At one stage she sat down and told me how she's spent so much money here that she didn't expect and listed everything she got like clothes for the kids and she paid for a dinner for us which was expensive because she wanted some beef to cook. I do appreciate this but I felt awkward that she was sitting there listing everything and thought maybe she's struggling so offered her money which she refused. She insisted on paying for some of our shopping too because she wanted certain foods and I did really object because it wasn't much but in the end I didn't refuse.
During her time here I've spoken to her in confidence about how we are going through a rough patch financially as we just moved to a bigger place this year, I am studying so loans are being paid off and things have come up with the car etc so we are just trying to get back on track and tried to explain maybe we can't come to her this year expect for Christmas.
Last night she said her own mother will want to come and visit very quickly after she leaves and I just said maybe she can wait because it's an expense for us to have visitors at the moment and she said because I said that she's never coming over again... I just said I don't mean that but I like to do things with you all. We were out having a drink and went home and it all seemed fine but she started acting funny when we got home, cried to my partner and wouldn't look at me. Trying to have a conversation with her and if I disagreed with anything she would go off on one which went on for ages so I eventually asked her what was wrong and the fight started. I explained that I didn't mean I didn't want her here just wanted to have a break in between visitors. She again named off everything she spent money on and I told her thank you again however why are you allowed to talk about your money but when I do there is a problem. She then told me I was emotionless and she's decided she doesn't want a relationship with grandkids???
Because of my upbringing I'm used to her tapping out of our lives, she currently has no relationship with my brother so I told her okay if that's what you want. She got very upset and was crying and I asked her to come and talk but she refused. She did however call my auntie and the baby monitor was on so I heard her tell my aunt every private conversation I had with her about my relationship and struggles we are having and basically throwing everything in my face that I told her. She had such hatred in her voice for me like somehow the struggles I was having effected her. This was upsetting for me and I think I am finished with our relationship.
She's very defensive which happens when I say anything about inlaws and their relationship with grandkids for example: I mentioned in laws are well able for our children and behaviour because they had a lot of children of their own and she got annoyed as if I was saying she couldn't handle it when I was only having a conversation about them. She also gets jealous when my kids show me affection which they do often and gets visibly uncomfortable like it should be her getting kisses and cuddles. I've been walking on eggshells for three weeks, afraid to say anything to upset her and when I told her that maybe we can't go to a fancy resort for her birthday next year as we have a family wedding (on my side) a couple months before she spit out that I can sacrifice our yearly family holiday and when i said no she told me I was selfish.
I appreciate all she has done for us. She helped us with a new cooker when we moved and to be fair she has paid for things on her visit but I don't understand why she can talk about her finances and tell us how much we cost her but I couldn't do the same. I know it probably blew up because I'd been holding it in for three weeks but who is on the wrong here.