How to play the game at work?

[howreyou]

I am posting for general advice because I’m learning more about the workplace in my first senior role. Initially I started and wanted to do a good job and really cared. But now I think the secret to doing a good job is just caring less? Or aibu?

Be friendly, but not a pushover.
Don’t get involved in gossip.
Don’t send emails/do work in the evenings as that will become an expectation.
Set your boundaries.
Read the room - know when to have fun and make jokes, but do it with the appropriate people. Jobsworth Jeff isn’t going to appreciate it so find your people.
Be human, conscientious and approachable. Invite your staff in for a chat if you notice they are down, acting differently or slipping up. Talking about these things at the start can help to avoid bigger problems later on.
Admit when you make a mistake straightaway and inform managers about how you will fix it and how you will avoid it happening again.
If you go to work socials, don’t stay too long or get too drunk.
If you take your team out for drinks, stay for one, chat to everyone then pay for the next round of drinks, say have a good night and leave.
Don’t complain to managers - if you have a problem, tell them the problem and offer some solutions. Mindlessly moaning will not put you in good stead.
Important if you are female, don’t use these phrases ‘I’m sorry, do you mind if you just…’ ‘No worries if not.’ Basically any sentence that starts with a ‘sorry’. You do not need to apologise.
Don’t use exclamation marks too often in emails. ‘If we could meet at 12 tomorrow that would be great. Thanks!’
When line managing make sure to notice the good work they are doing, not just pulling them up on their mistakes.
In line management meetings ensure there is enough time for them to discuss the work they are doing, what they want to do and any problems they are facing. Then ensure that you inform them of your wants.
Look into coaching, for yourself and those you line manage. One guy I line managed came to
me with a lot of problems in our meetings which turned into general moaning, it wasn’t until I changed my approach to coaching with him that I saw improvements.
Friendly but fair.

Good luck in your new role.

And yes, I do care about my job but jot enough to take any work home with me in the evenings or weekends. So care a bit, not a lot maybe?!

@Happybirthdaytotheground great advice I think.

@Happybirthdaytotheground @Dacadactyl this is good advice, I’m still reading through - though I’m really interested in the “go to manager with solutions not complaints” approach. I have always been told to give them time to digest and look for solutions together at a later meeting for example ie have a distinct problem finding stage. Though your approach totally makes more sense.

Hard agree OP. I’ve been there and was really passionate about what I do. People took the piss so much that eventually I had to leave because it amounted to bullying. I think they thought I cared enough to put up with anything they threw at me. After that I had a big period of exhaustion / not caring about anything, which was also shit. Now I am finally recalibrating to caring enough, but nothing like I did before. I think the earlier me was down to innocence more than anything, but the older me who doesn’t care that much is much stronger all round. I think you’re smart to have put your finger on it without running the gauntlet like I had to!

I'm a middle manager and get it from all angles. Great advice here. Thanks. I wanted to put an exclamation mark after thanks but daren't 😂

@Happybirthdaytotheground has some great tips.

You mention caring less. It's an interesting point. I'm 52 very senior at work...I think caring less is learnt. It comes down to your mental boundaries and helps manage stress levels.

I often say to my team, it's just work, when they are feeling the pressure.
Learning to switch off is really important for you and people who work for you. And it's you that needs to set the tone and pace.