AIBU to ask if sometimes you feel just so exasperated by your DH?

[kokomilan]

.... That really. I mean I understand sometimes marriage can be hard work. But this week, I just kept thinking, errrkkkk I wish DH would just go out so I can have the house just for myself. Or working late to avoid him a bit. I find tolerating small things that I didn't use to notice harder.

I don't know if it's normal or worrying? Nothing big has happened and we generally have a happy life.

God I could go on and on but they're all minor niggles I suppose and I'm sure I have plenty of them that annoy him too

All three of my husbands pissed me right off.
I finally realised I just don't like living with people, men or women. I've been living on my own for the past 7 years and I've never been happier.
I have my two lovely cats and my lovely adult DS and I have honestly never been happier.
Funnily enough my DS never annoyed me we got on just fine the whole time he lived at home. If he came back home now I'd be perfectly happy. We are very alike though.

I hear you op. Have locked myself away in the bathroom to get away for a bit. DH is definitely getting grumpier as he gets older too.

I do get irritated with my DH, but equally he gets irritated by things that I do. We’ve discussed it quite a lot over the past few months. Nearly 30 years together, it’s not surprising that it happens.
When he’s not here, I enjoy the peace, but miss what he does around the house when I have to do it myself!!

For sure we all have things that our partner dislikes or finds irritating. I think though some people are more 'bad habit' types than others. I have 3 kids and I already feel sorry for the potential future partner of one of them!

This made me chuckle …. I feel your pain

Yes but atleast there’s a possibility of training then better. DH is set in his ways and gets defensive obviously

Totally hear you OP.

I nearly start this very same thread on a weekly basis. My DH is a good and kind man. He has some traits which I find hard to love but don't we all.

But the combination of his less than good points plus the things he does which irritate me, often make me wish I lived alone.

For me it has definitely got worse with peri / menopause. But I don't think that is because I've suddenly become unreasonable due to my inferior women's hormones. I think it is because at this age and stage in life, I'm thoroughly sick of accommodating what is actually quite selfish and immature behaviour.

What is becoming difficult for me is that DH can see that I'm often in a stare of irritation and he (obviously) finds it hurtful and he doesn't understand why I'm so often like that.

I generally say things like I'm tired or had a difficult day at work but it no doubt feels to him as though I'm grumpy and moody most of the time.

I don't know what to do. I've tried (over the years) to explain to him that dumping greasy dishes into a basin of cold water / whistling loudly / leaving doors open on cold days / almost constantly playing loud music or podcasts / leaving the basin or shower dirty / etc / etc are annoying and selfish habits but he still does most of them.

At the moment I'm really struggling with what I call "making me do his thinking" where he will ask me questions about something I know no more than him about. I will repeat "I don't know / I'm not sure / you better check" with increasing irritation. He is then hurt and cross and doesn't understand why I'm being like that.

The other thing that is hard for me at the moment is that he has a tendency to relay information from podcasts or TV shows that he has found interesting. But he does it a lot with both me and the teenage DC. Plus he does it by sort of imitating the speaker rather than saying "he said / she said" so it becomes very mansplainy because he is kind of giving us a mini informative lecture as though they are his own words rather than saying "I heard this really interesting thing the other day". It's hard to explain but it is incredibly irritating.

So yes I feel your pain. I don't know what to do. Our kids will be leaving home soon and I'm worried about us being more and more on our own.

Thank you everyone for the solidarity. It makes me feel a bit better I guess. If there are any tools and techniques for coping any of you can offer, I am all ears.

I iust feel like a miserable person. When it’s a continuous drip feed, man, the anger, I am so angry and it’s really scary.

Sometimes, but I'm sure he sometimes feels the same about me. That's the thing about marriage - it's give and take, and we have to accept the less good bits along with the good ones.
But I do agree, most of us do need plenty of alone time, so it's important to have individual hobbies/interests and to go solo now and again.