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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to KNOW ds could've died

36 replies

GoawaySunrise · 26/04/2024 21:40

Posting for traffic. Dm takes ds(he's 4 and ND) once a week to her house to give me time alone with the new baby and just for fun and cuddles. Dh picks him up on way home from work. Today she dropped Ds off which was unusual, and told me she was flying down the road, looked back and saw ds door was wide open. She said she immediately pulled to the side and shut the door. She swears her childlocks were engaged and the door was shut and locked when leaving her house.
I'm willing to accept human or mechanical err once the car is looked at. Beyond that, is there something besides a straight jacket that will help ds? We have all the talks we can about safety, but with his inability to understand the dangers around him, what can I do? That's not figurative I literally am willing to do anything reasonable people suggest. I'm considering everything from bungee cords to good carpet tape. And thats even if he opened the door on his own, but I'm just assuming he did for safetys sake. I'm also wondering how a newer vehicle(2020)lets you open the door while driving. And if she didn't really shut the door shouldn't it have dinged incessantly?

OP posts:
Home1mprov3ments · 27/04/2024 06:41

He didn't nearly die though did he?

A mistake happened, dm sorted it out, nobody was hurt. Stop catastrophising.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/04/2024 07:42

WittyFatball · 26/04/2024 21:56

Sounds like your mum just forgot to have the child locks on, she's had a fright though and will be sure to double check in future!

Yes or she didn't shut the door 100%

motherdaughter · 27/04/2024 07:54

Was he bored and fiddling?
Was he trying to get out?

Have you tried giving him something to play with in the car - fidget toys, rubics cube, colouring etc to stop him from fiddling with the door handle?

If he was deliberately trying to get out, what was the trigger? Sensory overwhelm? Being told no? Change in routine?
Can you find a way of resolving this?

Teateaandmoretea · 27/04/2024 07:55

Yabu

Assuming he was strapped in a car seat there was a limit to what could happen.

Any of us could die today, that’s life.

SpeedyDrama · 27/04/2024 07:55

Oh op, I’ve known that fear. I have two sons diagnosed with autism, my middle has global delays and we’ve had a couple of ‘instances’. He was also 4 when he started unbuckling himself whilst I was driving, I got the special harness as above, I also got a seatbelt lock. He now opens the front door so have to hide the front door keys - once he went into the neighbours garden, once ran up towards the main road. Had many sleepless nights of ‘what ifs’.

There are many who unfortunately don’t understand the stress of caring for children with zero danger awareness(and I don’t mean the typical explorer toddler stage), you live in perpetual fear - so when something does happen it triggers huge anxiety, overthinking and guilt.

Original poster
GoawaySunrise · 27/04/2024 13:41

SpeedyDrama · 27/04/2024 07:55

Oh op, I’ve known that fear. I have two sons diagnosed with autism, my middle has global delays and we’ve had a couple of ‘instances’. He was also 4 when he started unbuckling himself whilst I was driving, I got the special harness as above, I also got a seatbelt lock. He now opens the front door so have to hide the front door keys - once he went into the neighbours garden, once ran up towards the main road. Had many sleepless nights of ‘what ifs’.

There are many who unfortunately don’t understand the stress of caring for children with zero danger awareness(and I don’t mean the typical explorer toddler stage), you live in perpetual fear - so when something does happen it triggers huge anxiety, overthinking and guilt.

Yes this is absolutely how I feel all the time. If a stranger walked up to him Ds would probably just go off with them, no fuss at all. You constantly have to see every bad thing that could conceivably happen ahead of time to protect them since they can't help themselves. All he had to do was hit the unlock button on the seatbelt and he may not be here right now. I feel so terrible about it. It's quite overwhelming. Thank you for your reply, it does help to know other people are out there dealing with the same things. Even having never bothered his seatbelt or door before, I feel like I should've known better. Already checked her doors, had him in a harness regardless etc

OP posts:
rwalker · 27/04/2024 13:49

Your mum will of had an almighty shock and it will make her very cautious in future

nothing actually happened

your mum probably feels bad enough so don’t go laying into her with the he could of died Scenario

Original poster
GoawaySunrise · 27/04/2024 14:00

rwalker · 27/04/2024 13:49

Your mum will of had an almighty shock and it will make her very cautious in future

nothing actually happened

your mum probably feels bad enough so don’t go laying into her with the he could of died Scenario

No of course not. She had to go home and have a drink after because she was so upset, and she never drinks. She was just as frightened as I was, probably more so since she was the one who had to experience it first-hand.

OP posts:
rwalker · 27/04/2024 16:45

GoawaySunrise · 27/04/2024 14:00

No of course not. She had to go home and have a drink after because she was so upset, and she never drinks. She was just as frightened as I was, probably more so since she was the one who had to experience it first-hand.

Show quote history

Good to hear
it’s still fresh I think once shock and panic has settled you’ll look at this with fresh eyes
see it for what it is and for your and your mums peace of mind check the child locks
on draw a line under it
your poor mum she’ll be paranoia checking and double checking in future

Some child locks are electronic now so easy to accidentally disable gone have the days where you used to have to get a screwdriver to the mechanism on the door to put them on

apologise if it come across as harsh

SittingBackAndWatchingTheClowns · 27/04/2024 16:46

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2024 22:03

She didn't reliese door had opened when driving ?

Either way she stopped car and shut door

You are blowing this out of proportion

Ds didn't nearly die.

He didn't undo his seatbelt

He didn't fall out of the car

Make sure child locks are on

Ans tell ds NEVER touch the door handle

this

User79853257976 · 27/04/2024 17:22

You could get an ERF seat and then the harness won’t allow him to lean far enough to mess with anything.

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