To ask what techniques worked with your difficult child?

[Wagamoma]

My middle child (4, nearly 5 years old) is difficult. As a baby and toddler he cried continuously and as a child he is now highly strung, emotionally sensitive, quick to anger, has very low task perseverance and is very inflexible. Id say he’s my cleverest child but this is easily missed as he angers/gives up so quickly.

My other 2 aren’t like this. Of course they have their bad phases, but generally they are adaptable, cheerful and easygoing.

If you had a child like this and you came out the other side having raised a decent human being, what worked? We are struggling so much to parent him effectively. Techniques that work with our other 2 often make situations worse with him.

To add: School don’t think neurodiversity is at play here, they think it’s just his temperament.

Hello,

I have no advice as my eldest is like this. Also, four, strong willed, quick to temper, little resilience, or task perseverance. Additionally, was very highly challenging from birth. He didn't sleep and cried often.

Someone had recommend the explosive child, which I bought today in fact.

Good luck.

Anger is a secondary emotion, so the key is to figure out what feelings are triggering the anger and then helping him recognise and then regulate those emotions. The explosive child is a good read per pp recommendation.

with task perseverance, I don’t know that this is something you can teach, but you can model it and narrate that process (‘I’m finding this really tricky and feeling a bit frustrated that it didn’t work they way I wanted. I’m going to give it one more go and see if I can do better’) and provide effusive praise whenever he makes efforts at perseverance. My dd is like this and it is like building a muscle - it takes lots of small work done consistently over time to see improvement.

My eldest DD was like this. Nursery and school, school nurse all completely wrong saying it wasn’t ND. I sought a diagnosis via GP when at the end of my tether. What had worked is low demands, strict boundaries on non negotiable behaviour, making home a safe space, consistency when nothing appeared to be working, and A LOT of patience. She’s 16 now and still explosive at times but very well liked and polite.

Don't rule out ND.

Read

1. How to talk so kids will listen
2. Autism a practical guide for parents