WWYD - a kind break up?

[kcchiefette]

I have a friend who had a dilemma for me when we met up today.

She has been with her partner for just over 2 years and has a 10 year old DD from a previous relationship.

Friend's partner has a dream of becoming a pilot which he only really expressed the last few months or so but this means months of training in the US or Spain and even after qualifying, will likely be stationed in another part of the country hundreds of miles away.

They have both talked about the serious stuff - getting a house, having a baby and marriage.

Friend cannot relocate because of DD and co parenting with her dad. Also she works full time in our hometown and depends a lot on family. Friend's partner said he would perhaps wait 10 years or so to do it, but friend doesn't want to have a baby and move hundreds of miles from all family and support and possibly, no job either.

I told her the kindest solution may be to break up with him.

He said he isnt going to pursue it because he doesnt want to be without her.

I think they just may not be compatible in the long run for what they want and her partner may become resentful.

WWYD in her situation? Let him forget his dream or break up with him so he can pursue it?

This all sounds very melodramatic.

If you want to be in a relationship, you remain in one regardless of the circumstances. I can say that as someone who’s husband has lived and worked in many counties around the world while I stayed in the UK. You just get on with it.

Turn the drama down a notch and work out a plan to make it work. That’s my advice.

How proactive is he being about achieving this dream...or is it just a pipe dream? Has he ever even taken a flying lesson, for example? I know little about it, but lessons are fairly expensive, I think and pilots need a clean bill of health.

It might not be something he can even fulfil.

Its not really a case of a long drive home - we are in Ireland so its flights back and forth

A bit of a pipe dream I think. He has had a few lessons I think and his main hobby is a flight simulator but he does have the qualifications etc to apply for the major airlines

There are flight schools in the UK. No need to go to the US!

Most major airlines he has looked into require training either in the US or somewhere mainland Europe then afterwards you can be "placed" anywhere as a base, mostly at major airports such as London, Manchester and Glasgow

Yes my husband never drove home from Malaysia, or Switzerland, or Mexico. He took a flight.

It really isn’t a big deal

So they're supposed to have two separate homes indefinitely?

How did it work with your husband when he was away?

Her reasons are fair. He accepts them and says he wants to be with her. That's his choice. Why are you trying to encourage them to break up?!

It's up to him to decide if he wants to stay with her or pursue his dream of being a pilot. She doesn't need to infantilise him by breaking up with him to allow him to pursue that dream (obviously she's free to break up with him if she wants to for her own sake!).

Not encouraging her to but just another viewpoint

They aren't living together/have children or married yet. However, he may put a hold on it for now and then years later she is left for the most part on her own with more children, in their house while he chases his dreams and it wasn't what she wanted.

He does clearly love her lots though