Me or dh?

[ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst]

This weekend adult dd asked to have a friend from uni stop at ours, we have 3 younger dc so limited space. She asked if we would visit ils with the kids (something we regularly do) . We agreed.

Dd has been at her boyfriends all week. House is a bit of a tip as we have all been ill . I've said to dh we need to have a tidy round before we go tomorrow. Do any pots, hoover, do bins.

Dh thinks dd should do this as her friend is coming so she should tidy for her as we would if we had guests. I've pointed out it's not dds mess so unfair to leave it for her.

I have said she should change bedding in the room her friend is staying as that is for her benefit .

Who's right?

The house has to be cleaned at some point whether you have guests or not. So I think you both should do the basics.

Your DH is correct.

You’ve been ill, so the house is a tip but instead of having this weekend to sort it. You’re away to give the house over to your DD.

Do the basics like the bathroom but leave the hoover and cleaning supplies out for your daughter. It’s up to her though how much she does before the friend comes round.

I doubt DD's friend will care, so you should do as much as you want to/would normally do and DD can do anything else she feels is necessary.

I agree with your DH. You're unwell so no way would I be faffing about cleaning. I'd do the basics but actually I would be quite disappointed that DD hadn't even made an effort to help sort it. Yes shes been at her boyfriends this week but you've agreed to take all her siblings out for the day to give her and her friend some space so the least she could do is help make the house presentable.

If I was away and came home and DP had left the house a shithole knowing I had a friend over that evening and expected me to clean up his mess becuase I was the one having a guest I would.be mightily pissed off.

And vice versa, if your daughter was housesitting and you returned to a shithole of a house when you were planning a dinner party and she said "you clean it up, it's your friends coming over later" would you think "yeah we're having guests so it's our job to clean up after her", or would you think "tidy up your own mess you scruffy git"? Obviously when she was a child it was your responsibility to clean up becuase that's parenting and that's your choice to have children before anyone throws out the "we looked after her when she was a child so she owes us" bullshit card.

It's not her job to clean up after her parents.

Both.

Id do some because it does need doing, but the urgency is down to DD having a mate round so she should contribute.

Each take a room and you'll be done in no time.

I'm Team DH.

You've been ill, and are kindly heading off to visit the in-laws because your DD has asked you to. DD could have been at home helping out a bit whilst you were all ill, but instead has been at her bfs.

I'm buggered if I'd feel like cleaning up before leaving. She can do it.

Dd cleans. H is right.

DH should clean and tidy, not your or DH. It’s not dd’s mess and you are ill.

Is dd was a boy would DH suggest this?

DH has been ill as well, by the sound of it. OP says, 'we've all been ill'.

I'm pretty sure there's nothing sexist about his comment - he feels eldest child wants the house to host friends and he, his wife and the other kids have been ill. He's willing to vacate the premises to let them have it, but doesn't see why he and OP should be frantically cleaning up for guests that are not theirs.

She knows none of this she's due back tomorrow

This is my thoughts

I did ask him when he was a similar age and had friends at his when his parents were on holiday did he clean up for them coming. He claims he can't remember but given he never had to lift a finger when he lived at home I know the answer.

Wow, he’s a right lazy git. Wanting to make her do it then lying about not doing it at his ag4 himself, that would give me the right ick.

of course you don’t leave it a shit hole. What’s wrong with you both.

Your DH is being lazy and trying to legitimise it with a poor argument.

The house doesn't have to be show home ready but it needs cleaning and your DD did not make it a mess. Do the basics

Think I will clear our mess, sweep dog hair and do pots.

If dd wants to Hoover/dust she can (she probably won't be that fussed) She will need to change bedding.

Dh thinks we need to tell her she has to Hoover etc but I think it's upto her. Obviously she needs to make sure it's left in a reasonable state. (As found at least)

I don't understand why there would be dishes rather need doing (pots?). Surely they get done after eating? Does the place really need hoovering? Generally that could be left if not too bad but not to do washing up after eating is a bit grim.

So she's not thought to come back and prepare for the friend? She's expecting you to just have it all ready for her ?

Pots as in breakfast and lunch tomorrow. There's not any pots now.

Dd is back in the afternoon her friend is arriving a few hours later

Yes exactly. So you eat, use them and wash them as you go along. There shouldn't be any for her to do anyway.

Your husband just wants her to do it so he doesn’t need to.

Well I think that is exactly what he is! The mother was gone for a few minutes at most to go toilet and whilst she was gone he decided to change her nappy! She said she didn't need changing but even if she did surely he would wait for her mum to come down. Even if it was a poo one a child can wait 5 mins for their mum to change them and won't get sore in a few minutes. I have 5 children of my own and would never change a friends babies nappy unless they specifically asked me to and I think it's even more unlikely that a man (a normal one, not a peado) would want to change a random child's nappy. OP if I were you I would be reporting him to the police, not sure if they would do anything but even if they can't hopefully it will go on record about him for future reference and also maybe ask for a Sarah's law check on him! Fuck what your so called friend thinks, she should be on yours and your childs side not some man she's only been with a couple of years!