Stop homeschooling your children.

[pentagonisapentagon]

I run an educational consultancy and exam company. We produce books that most parents in our area of education will purchase. Home educating your children makes us money.

However. STOP. Now I don’t mean those that have children with severe issues (this is a small %, everyone likes to diagnose their children with some form of disorder and it isn’t those I’m talking about) who would benefit out the classroom / often awaiting a better school option.

I mean the parents who are tired with the education system - lots of moans that they can’t take their children for a holiday, annoyed about not being allowed make up, the rules being too hard. You can barely spell, stop trying to teach your children yourself. These children are being FAILED by their parents.

By all means, if you have the relationship, time, ability and means to provide a solid home education system (inc money for tutors which will be needed) - go ahead. Just ensure you’re covering the social aspect.

I am seeing the advice to home school EVERYWHERE. Mumsnet and Facebook filled with the poor advice. It’s detrimental to all parties involved.

I’d love to know others thoughts on this.

You do know college for 14 year olds is basically school?
I have seen this a lot. HE parents who hate schools, but call it a college, and they are fine.
There is a significant cohort who HE and then send their kids to school/college from 14 to teach them for their exams.

I don’t think I couldn’t have home schooled my DDs.

We lived in Latin America and a friend pulled her 3 DC out of the system. They hired a teacher though, and had space for a room with desks like a school room. Their teacher raised their grades to 100%. Before this they were about 60% and the parents knew the boys being let down by the system.

No, not really. It is at college. They are treated as young adults not school children - big difference in attitude. They can do as they like in between classes. It is part time so lots of self study. (They only did Maths & English there - meant the exams were free.)There are no assemblies or detentions or school uniform....I could go on.

I'm sure you know there are a lot of differences between school and college!

Not that I understand what 'hating schools' has got to do with it.

Okay they were still HE but doing maths and english at a college. I do hope you were still HE them for other subjects.

Hope you are not teaching your child to talk like this

Your talking about a very small minority.
I'm on loads of groups with kids who cant/don't go to school
Mines home ed due to bulking and she's neurodiverse.
Mental health of kids is and should be top priority.

I wish mine went to school, I don't think many parents have that choice

Bullying I meant, schools are brutal for some

Yes, as I said they attended college from 14. You just seem to think you know more about my DS's education than I do!

What to say 'piss off' 😂 I don't think most teenagers exactly need to be taught how to swear no matter if they are in or out of school!

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea I used to work for the LA.
To be very clear: parents/carers using HE as a reason to abuse their DCs is rare. I have met plenty of people who HE and do a fantastic job.

I'm from a Roma family. My parents did everything, including changing their lifestyle, to ensure my siblings and I received the education at school they could not have themselves. This was at a time when Roma girls were taken out of the school system at age 11, 12 or 13. Boys at 16. We all stayed on past A levels.
We also learned a huge amount from travelling with our parents during the school holidays.

@Gagaandgag unfortunately, therein lies the problem.
To again be very clear; I am not anti HE. Some DCs get a brilliant education HE.
Unfortunately, when completing the annual parent form, parents who abuse their children do not state that.
The HE parents/carers who are caught abusing their DCs are the tip of the iceberg.

The recent increase in DCs being HE is part of the problem. LAs do not have enough staff let alone experienced staff to check every HE DC.
HE with nothing to hide, have nothing to fear. Most LAs are supportive of HE and as I say, they don't have the staff to monitor parents/carers who are HE well.

The reality is some families have been put through hell by over zealous staff from LA. There is a good reason why many HE families are wary of the LA.

Personally, I had a lovely lady from the LA who was super supportive. The trouble is people have concerns that once they consent to a visit from a member of staff who may be fine, if they leave and are replaced by someone who is not supportive, they have opened themselves up to trouble from this person.

HE is so badly mouthed…

there is a huge difference between choosing homeschooling and leaving a school.

@WatermelonWaveclub I understand people's reluctance to engage, better than you would imagine. That fear of authorities applies to any family, no matter how their DC(s) are educated, their social class, or household income.

It is sad that people believe the system is us and them. The truth is far simpler.
Most people believe that abuse is abhorrent. If nothing in their home is wrong, people have nothing to fear.

As I said, there isn't the man(woman) power in any LA to monitor people who are HE. Besides, why would they? HE is legal and, as the majority of my colleagues were liberal, we were very much in favour of HE.

I cannot emphasise enough how good a positive HE experience can be. Many parents do a fantastic job.

Our referrals usually came from Police/(former)schools/hospitals/health centres/neighbours or others with concerns about the child.
That applies to any child, however they are educated.

As long as all children and adults living at the property were accounted for, healthy, the house was clean enough (lived-in is fine) and staff were convinced all stories tallied, there would not usually be a follow up visit. As I say; not enough manpower to bother happy, good families who care for their DCs.

LAs only take DCs into care as an absolute last resort.
The preference, where viable, is to work with families.

The unique concern with HE is that DCs are always at home, giving greater opportunity for abuse, if an older member of the family, or an acquaintance, is abusing a child.

Sadly - and personally I find this horrifying - some people use HE as a way to abuse more often, and hide that abuse.
This happens more frequently than you might imagine.

And yes, it can reflect poorly on all HE and I understand the frustration that causes.

Before they went to a home, my colleagues were made aware of any SEND, or suspected SEND, and take that into account.

Yes, it can happen in schools. Though the DBS system, references and all of the other checks make it a rare occurrence.

Myself, I rarely knocked on doors.
By the time any report came to me, legal action was being taken, I can assure you that for it to get that far there was always sustained, clear, evidence (and I don't mean the say-so of a neighbour). There had to be, it was going to court.

It is gconsidered a truism that professionals become hardened to abuse.
I didn't.
After a career with the LA I have found another job, I am calmer. I am having psychotherapy to work through the trauma of my previous role.

Which is what EHE families do.

If they are crap and not educating the kids then they are hardly going to bother themselves to shlep round museums and art galleries with them are they.

Why is very low, or total lack of education, for some in the school system considered a tragedy but ok, but not if it happens through home? That apparently matters more?

Indeed. Or the tragedy that parents have to fight so for any local authority support (which they are supposed to provide by law) when their child struggles in school or to attend school. Or to get an EHCP, or for schools to implement reasonable adjustments (again, a legal requirement).

There is a large cohort of 15 year olds who have barely been able to attend school since they started secondary school and whose parents cannot afford private school, online school or home education. The chickens will come home to roost with this year's and next year's GCSE results. Or the schools will play the system and not enter the pupils for exams anyway.

Then the woefully underfunded further education sector will try to pick up the pieces.

What percentage of school children fail their maths and English GCSEs?
What percentage leave primary school unable to read?
How many children are sexually harassed and assaulted at school?
Why is there a huge rise in mental health issues among school children?

Schools are failing children. Even the teachers don't want to be there.

🤣🤣🤣

Children make friends with other children?

Do you genuinely think HE kids stay indoors at home all week?!

We are hardly ever home! There are SO many HE groups, workshops, trips etc I’ve had to limit them due to wanting to balance time at home and time outside.

Im honestly amazed that people still hold these stereotypes. That HE kids don’t socialise, that they are feral and neglected, oh but hang on we’re also called privileged too by some so 🤨

Do you think HE kids just sit at home all day? My children are at school but they also have good friends they’ve made from gymnastics, dance classes, Brownies, football… why do you think people can only make friends at school?

Exactly.

I home educated both my DS to GCSEs. One is now at 6th form and the other at university having been to 6th form. Both integrated well into 6th form life socially and have found they are more able to cope with the independent learning required at 6th form and uni than their peers. DS1 got the top A level results at his 6th form and has a great social life at his Russell Group uni and feels he has found uni life easier than some of his peers who have found it hard to transition into a whole new peer group after being in one secondary school with people they knew. DS2 is involved in all sorts of social activities at 6th form, is predicted 4 A stars for his A levels and is being supported there to apply to Cambridge university. The 6th form said they weren't sure how a home educated student would fit in when they gave him a place and have been really impressed with how well he has fitted in and they are really pleased to have him.

ithinkwerealloldnow
It is sad that people believe the system is us and them. The truth is far simpler.
Most people believe that abuse is abhorrent. If nothing in their home is wrong, people have nothing to fear.

I suspect you were involved with CPS rather than EW and will have been called in by EW when needed. I appreciate that it's a difficult and much needed role, but you assume a consistent level of professionalism across your ranks.

It wasn't a home that was required to be inspected here, but a child's body. Suddenly and without relevant lead up.
You would assume a medical professional would be required to examine the child and create a report, No?

'They' became 'they' when 'they' behaved dangerously, and against the welfare of a child. 'We' became 'us' when attacked and bullied by 'them.'

Our LA believed they where entitled to demand a sick child was removed from a hospital and be presented at their offices and be stripped (by parent) so they could 'check for bruises.'
Allegedly the hospital pediatricians could not be trusted. (Reality was attempting to scrape their part of the blame over a couple of dead children onto Drs)

Later we discovered there had been no external claim by a third party that the child had bruises.
Just suspicions born of frustration when a parent in an education battle who had demanded meetings with them, became suddenly and inconveniently unavailable for what they'd arranged, because the child at the center was hospitalized with meningitis.

A worker had decided that a possible alternative was parent doesn't want us to meet child.
Maybe parent was claiming Meningitis to cover up for bruises. Once the idea had been raised, it became a 'we need to check' and 'Dr's can't be trusted.'
After they said this, (instead of just demanding) they were invited to the hospital. They refused, and claimed they 'wouldn't be part of a parental 'tactic' to avoid bringing the child to them.' (Nothing to do with a sick infectious child's welfare!)

We now had three big LA created red flags out of what was originally a 'child is being bullied at school, and the parent is fighting to not be off rolled and demanding LA support.' Going to the LA was itself considered a small red flag- seeking attention.

New flags:

1. Is the 'claim' of meningitis a cover for bruises? When you don't trust Drs - possibly could be.

2. The parent has refused to bring the child to our office to be examined. If they had nothing to hide, why wouldn't you subject the child to this? We are child protectors! Clearly proof parent is hiding something!

3. The parent is hiding behind the pediatricians. Back to when you don't trust Drs - possibly.

People have everything to fear when faced with aggressive, prejudiced, poorly educated staff with a personal and/ or political agenda agenda.

They were told to go and get a court order. Unsurprisingly they didn't bother.

The us and them, has come from the discovery 'they' lack care and concern for the child's welfare. 'They' lie, bully and abuse to try to get what they want. 'They' consider other professionals such as Dr's, police and courts to be untrustworthy and on the 'side' of parents. 'They' create the adversarial atmosphere by believing their own rhetoric to be gospel.

'They' made themselves into an untrustworthy 'they' by their behavior.

What parents have to fear most, is the exhausting reality of having to repeatedly prosecute to remove these sort of people from our childrens lives.
If nothing in their behavior was wrong, there wouldn't be a trail of broken and damaged careers in 'their' ranks as a result of had-enough parents like me.

(And, there is no money left for psychotherapy for us!)

We're London, where people can be deeply lonely in a crowd.

The DC who started us formally home educating, had no friends throughout their time at school. One SDc had one, but who had to hide the friendship at school to not be bullied themselves. Another SDc (dyslexic, failing, but a usefully large lad) had only the sort of friends who fill a parent with fear for the future.

We went to lots of HE groups, where confidence and six lifetime friends emerged from. Science events where another 2, and a third close 'in school' friend was made. Another also at school, was met at a creative event and friendship cultivated.

There's a big intertwined long term social group of roughly 40 young people, mainly HE but a few schooled, some both, that's my DCs 'friendship group,' and another of around 20 currently, of the DGs that I know well. They have a second bunch in another area.
The older social group are now adult and produce other friends and partners if they get serious.

The core group of older ones and whoever else is available, used to be all over each other all the time. We used to organize group camping holidays (what was affordable) including to Europe. Now they organize (hotel based ) ones themselves.

As adults they are all online now, and have all sorts they do on there.
They now generally catch up physically, monthly, work allowing. Five are Dr's/ police, and everyone tends to meet around their availability. Original H/E Dc's best mate is one of them and they meet up weekly on average. They are all amazingly supportive of each other.

I'm a lone parent and have never been a stay at home mum. I reorganized my life and work around my Dc's (and now DGc's) education and socialization needs, just as most mum's have to do with school education and friendships, just different hours and places.

"Endless patience" was generally needed not with facilitating education, but finding too many pre teens and teenagers draped all over everything too much of the time, while remembering I was once afraid HE would be isolating. Often the issues were a lively social life vs education when the later could be done at any time of the day or night. We learnt how to organize it all in the end.

So many children with sen are failed by schools that mean families are forced to home school where more often then not they thrive. Schools.need to wake up to not one size fits all and funding from.ehcps should be used appropriately.. my friends son completed degree and now doing masters is working as a ta in local high school while he studies. Lovely lad but no understanding whatever of sen. Thay school is failing those children massively..too often parents have no choice but to home school. The ignorance of thinking they are doing that for the reasons given by op is staggering.