DM in hospital

[DustyLee123]

DM has been in hospital for a couple of weeks now. I’m her NOK and organise her finances, and I think my siblings resent this.
So there’s been lots of visiting (parking costs plus the frustration of trying to find a parking spot), emotional support, maintaining her house etc. plus I have a family/home/job.
I’ve been doing my best for a parent who is very controlling and emotional, but I’ve had enough now. Because I didn’t visit on my working days, it’s got back to me that my siblings don’t think I’m doing enough.
AIBU to pull back and say that I’m only doing what I’m prepared to do?
This while thing has created a rift, and it’s got to the point where I don’t want to be there when they are there.

Tell your siblings to step up. If they feel parent needs more than you are providing, let them provide it

How much are your siblings doing?

YANBU

No where near as much as me. They seem to resent having to do anything more than they want to. So why should I have to?
When I’m not working I sit there for hours, wash her etc. They just pop in for an hour when they want to.
I think the problem might be that I’m NOK, not my fault I was born first, so I was asked to see the consultant and I sort out any finance/banking. I think they think I’m robbing her or something, maybe manipulating the will. I just want to enjoy the time we have left, not turn it into a family feud. I’m executor as well, so I can see problems then too.

Step back and do only what you are prepared to do.

You'll have to practice emotional detachment from all of them - your mother, and your siblings.

Leave the caring duties to the hospital. Only do those parts that you want to do.

Reimburse yourself for your direct out-of-pocket expenses and keep a note of these so that if you are questioned in future, you can refer your siblings to the accounts you have kept. (I did this when administering my father's will.)

Stop caring about what your siblings think and say (this is hard, but necessary for your self-protection).

Perhaps message your siblings asking them to give you notice of when they are visiting so that you can take a break from visiting duties (and not see them).

🙄

Grow a thick skin and pass the odd comment of "No idea why Mum put all the legal burden on me rather than sharing the load between us"

Do not burn yourself out by visiting/spending more time at the hospital. The legal stuff is a lot.

I would tell them that you're doing as much as you are able to do.

With your own home, job and family to see to you're pretty much stretching your time and TBF do all of you need to be at her bedside at the same time every night.

It's not easy trying be be here, there and everywhere, so remember there's nothing wrong in taking a bit of time for yourself.

Your siblings thinking you’re not doing enough could be Chinese whispers. Some times the best thing to is have an honest conversation with them. With a parent in hospital for a few weeks it’s likely that you’re all feeling burnt out. You need to set your boundaries and do what you can realistically manage.

Won’t help with finding a space, but for the parking charges ask on the ward for a form to take to parking services, & you can get a week long parking permit for not much more than the price of a couple of visits. Frustratingly they usually don’t tell you this unless you ask.

Is your mother playing games between you and trying to create issues?

message your siblings privately and lay out what you can do and that you won’t be doing any more but they are welcome too.

and keep a note a expenses. Maybe create a googledoc if you can be bothered and share it between you?