Sorry this is long!
My DS is 19. An adult on paper. Thing is he's vulnerable. He has ASD and we think a mild learning disability but that's never been diagnosed.
He was badly bullied in school due to his vulnerable and gullible nature.
Since then he's made friends, mainly with other neurodiverse young adults.
The problem is that he's very easily controlled by others. Even if they're not actively trying to control him, he will insist he has to do certain things because he perceives that he must as they want him to. For example he had a girlfriend. They would be on the phone every evening at a set time. Sometimes she'd be busy and that was OK but he'd not even want to come and have his dinner other times because he felt he must be on the phone or available to be on the phone at all times within a set period.
A boy he now hangs out who we will call Robbie, is harrasing him to go to places and do things DS doesn't want to do. Instead of saying no or making up an excuse he does it because he feels forced. We've tried to tell him he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do but he says he has to or Robbie will be annoyed and turn all his friends against him. As far as we are aware none of what Robbie wants our DS to do is illegal or dangerous etc but it's the Controlling nature of the relationship we have concerns with. If he did want our DS to do something questionable we are not confident that DS wouldn't.
We don't like Robbie. Robbie has an attitude that we find abrasive. We've tried to like him and be sympathetic to the reasons he may be how he is but we can't get over that gut feeling that he's not OK.
Our initial instinct was he was not a nice person and we don't usually judge people (particularly kids) in that way.
He's a bully in our DS friend group and seems to have a similar affect on the others as he does our DS.
What do we do? We are fully aware DS is 19 but he is more like a 14 or 15 year old and as I said he's vulnerable.
I want to step in and somehow make it difficult for him to see Robbie but am wrangling with the fact he's still an adult in the eyes of the law.
That being said, one of his friends isn't allowed out without a carer. How do you decide what's best for your child and their needs as a vulnerable person?