Feeling rejected by DP

[HappyRoseDreamer]

I don't know if I'm overreacting and being too sensitive or not but I feel rejected alot of the time by my DP and like I'm not good enough. Whenever I bake at home, he very rarely tries it, if he does have a small bit his reaction will either be, "it was ok" or "I wouldn't have it again", when he bakes, he eats loads. When I cook a meal, he eats it but will never say it was really nice, just "it was ok" or he'd have it again, but his meals are usually "banging". If I suggest doing something or going somewhere, he very rarely says yes, even though I pretty much always say yes when he suggests something, purely because I see it as an opportunity to spend time together. He doesn't really take my advice or try my ideas and suggestions for things. It's hard to explain exactly how it makes me feel, there's definitely feelings of rejection, and a bit of things always being on his terms, if that makes sense. I've mentioned all this and he says it's not deliberate, he's just not in the mood for trying food/going out etc when I suggest it. Can anyone relate to this or is it just me seeing something that isn't there.

He sounds like he likes his own way and is maybe a bit selfish.

Are you getting what you need from the relationship?

I've been in a relationship like this.
You are constantly made to feel what you do is not good enough. That you are inferior to them.
Destroys your self esteem.
The problem is your partner , not you. But it doesn't feel like that.
.

He doesn't really take my advice or try my ideas and suggestions for things. It's hard to explain exactly how it makes me feel, there's definitely feelings of rejection, and a bit of things always being on his terms, if that makes sense.

You're flogging a dead horse OP.

Life is so much better on your own than this dead weight dragging you down.

Check out the theory on love languages... Says that people show and receive love in different ways... Some people feel most loved from physical touch, whereas for others it's words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, or gifts. Sounds like your love languages are quality time and words of affirmation, but he isn't satisfying those needs for you, because his love language might be one of the other 3? Definitely look into the love languages and see if you can both relate and be more intentional about showing love in a way that connects with the other.

I’m sorry but you’ve spoken to him about this and he’s not changed, sounds really uncaring and unpleasant on his part. Even my ex husband will show me appreciation if I make him a toastie 😂 it’s really not hard. Cook someone else a meal see how they respond. Take a cake into work and see how normal people react to someone making an effort.

He doesn't make you happy.
He knows he doesn't, but he doesn't care.
This is unlikely to get any better.
You are not his 'the one'.
And he most definitely isn't 'the one' for you.

It's best to work on trying to be happy in yourself, rather than hoping for someone else to make you happy. Look at building up your self esteem.

Reading Women Who Love Too Much is a good first step. It's a classic one for a reason.

Oooo he's amazing and You're not
Everything he touches turns to gold IE his cooking etc.
What a Grade A prick.

@HappyRoseDreamer

You're making a lot of mental and physical effort for really very little in return.

• what would happen if you mirrored his reactions if you responded in as lukewarm a manner to his efforts and suggestions as he does to yours?
• How long do you think you can sustain this situation of feeling unregarded and unappreciated before calling an end to this one-sided sounding relationship? 🌹

My relationship with my ex was like this and I was like you, I always thought I was mad, noticing things that weren't there etc. It's only really now looking back I see how insidious it all actually was. If I bought something new for myself there was always a back handed comment mamadehe always wanted and expected physical affection (cuddles etc) but never gave it to me. Everything was about him and he didn't like it when it wasn't. Which is why he then ran off and started shagging someone else when he had to share my affection with our children.

It's been an eye opener since we split and i now see how people who are almost strangers (school run mums, people I see in the building at work etc) are kinder, more generous and give me more compliments than he ever did. He's just a horrible little toad who has to cut others down to make himself feel better.

I can relate - I have an ex who was exactly like this, and you're not being too sensitive.

I read some stuff about this when I was in your position: i.e. trying to understand why I felt so rubbish all the time in a relationship with someone who put me down subtly, and showed little interest.

I read that couples who stay together happily do this thing psychologists call 'turning towards' each other. It means they show interest and appreciation for their partners and their interests. They do this because they care about making their partner feel validated and happy, and creating a positive environment.

Yours doesn't do this. He turns away constantly: rejecting your suggestions, telling you the cake is meh.

Understandably this makes you feel alone, invalidated, and unimportant. In my experience it's a horrible, toxic environment that saps your confidence. He might be doing it because he's not that into you (honestly your post makes it sound like he really doesn't like you, which is so sad to read), or because he's really insecure and is trying to knock your confidence.

Anyway, the reasons doesn't matter: you can't change him, you can only decide whether you're willing to put up with it.

Thinking outside the box...

Just out of curiosity, is there anything 'fundamentally' different between your cooking/baking and his? Are the baked goods sweeter, or too sweet? Does he like things saltier? It doesn't matter what I make, my partner will ALWAYS add salt, even before trying it!

Is there anything about the house/cooking process that he might be objecting to? - for example, say he's a germaphobe... If you were just splashing your hands under water after touching chicken, that might be a reason

If you can't think of anything like that, then yes, I'd agree with the above posters...

If you don't have children together I would say leave this month. He doesn't have your back. He doesn't appreciate you. He doesn't want you to think that you've done a good job. He sounds horrible really.