I would really appreciate help in trying to process an event that happened a few months ago. I was in my friend's room at uni, someone I have slept with previously. I told him I need to go to the shops as I could see he's moving towards trying to kiss me etc. and I didn't want to. He dismisses it and continues to kiss me, then moves me onto the bed so that he's lying on top of me. I push him off and repeat that I need to go to the shops, and he pushes me back onto the bed. This happens a few times until he, ur, finishes on top of me with me still in all my clothes, so I had to go and change my jeans.
The thing is, each time when he pushed me back onto the bed after me pushing him off and telling him I needed to go, I kissed him back. I thought at that time he was a good friend and was worried about creating a scene or ruining our friendship.
The more I think about it, the more disgusting and violated I feel. Could it have been that I didn't make it clear enough and he thought I was just playing around? He apologised after which also confused me.
I feel so lost and I'm tying myself up in knots trying to work out if what happened was assault. Any input would really help, thank you.