to have upheld the boundary?

[rainbowduplo]

My OH and I have a budgeting system which accounts for every penny. I didn't realise this was a 'thing' until yesterday, but apparently it's called zero-based budgeting. We each take the same amount as each other each month for personal spending (coffees, clothes, gym membership, etc) and then the rest goes into various accounts for our family life. For example mortgage and bills, everyday family spending, saving for annual costs (Christmas, car insurance), long term savings etc.

From my allowance I put a little into a long term savings pot and a little into a 'splurge' account (latest purchase was new hiking boots to replace my 10 year old ones, so bigger purchases like that come from here) and then the rest stays in my current account for coffees.

Today OH said he wants to buy himself something for £100-£150, using the family savings as he hasn't been putting anything of his allowance aside. I said that I use my allowance for that sort of thing so he should too, and he was really disappointed.

I know if the boot was on the other foot he'd say for me to take some out of savings without hesitation. But he also wants us to move soon which we're meant to be saving for, so I feel like every penny counts atm and this is a very personal purchase which he should either save up for using his money that he gets every month.

AIBU to hold the boundary? I'm such a people pleaser, I can feel myself being ready to say what he'd say to me and to just get it. I wish it didn't feel like it's been made my decision. Can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or not tbh!

Would your decision change depending on what it is he wants to spend the money on? Eg you would agree to use the joint savings if it’s something he needs but would stand firm if it was something frivolous?

How much do you each get for personal spends? I think that's key really - if it's enough that he could have realistically bought what he wanted had he not blown it on other stuff, then fair enough to keep to the budget, but if personal spends are tiny and it rolls take him months to save, then it seems a bit joyless. Everyone needs a splurge occasionally - it's only a problem when one party wants to splurge every month and there's no money to allow this without compromising the bigger picture.

@ABirdsEyeView We get £200 a month each, so really he could buy this in just one month. Some months recently we've both had to use part of that money to pay for family things, it's tight at the moment. But that also makes buying something for one person thats £100-150 quite a big thing right now. There's a family budget which covers food and things for the kids, so the personal spends is genuinely just for stuff that's individual to you. Gym membership etc.

We've agreed he can take the money from savings because the item is on sale right now, and he'll pay us back after payday.

That seems like a good compromise. If it's something he would have bought at full price, it makes sense to get it when it's on sale and repay the savings.