Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend scared to upset 5 year old

26 replies

spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:14

My friend is struggling , single parent, no family nearby, she has 2 DDs 7 and 5. I struggle to take them both out together as the older one has autism diagnosis and I just find it a lot managing both of them so I suggested to my friend as she has started dreading weekends that I would take one out with me and the next week the other one. It would give her a break from their arguing and would give her one on one time with her older dd as she seems to always get pushed out by the younger one who is very demanding! Anyway my friend just replied that it was a nice thought but that her younger dd "would never allow it".... I feel like a 5 year old shouldn't be allowed to dictate what happens like this!!

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 25/04/2024 16:15

Well you're not wrong and of course the child shouldn't be ruling the roost.

If she doesn't want your help though, sadly there's nothing you can do though.

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:15

Your friend doesn’t want to accept your offer but doesn’t how to say no

the child doesn’t want to go with you

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:16

and the very fact you think a 5 year old is indicative of her “ruling the roost” indicates you’re not best placed to regularly have such a young child with you alone

TheSnowyOwl · 25/04/2024 16:16

The five year old probably doesn’t want to go somewhere with their mother or sibling which is normal behaviour.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:17

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:16

and the very fact you think a 5 year old is indicative of her “ruling the roost” indicates you’re not best placed to regularly have such a young child with you alone

Huh? I don't get what you mean

OP posts:
GerbilsForever24 · 25/04/2024 16:18

I think it's not unusual for a child at that age to be very uncomfortable being left alone with people outside of key caregivers. DD couldn't cope with being babysat by anyone except family and her ex-nanny. But she did grow out of it.

It would be good if you could convince her. Perhaps next time you see them, suggest some fabulous activity you know she'd like?

TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:18

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:16

and the very fact you think a 5 year old is indicative of her “ruling the roost” indicates you’re not best placed to regularly have such a young child with you alone

That's an odd thing to say.

TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:19

Anyway OP maybe the younger child doesn't like being away from her mum?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:19

TheSnowyOwl · 25/04/2024 16:16

The five year old probably doesn’t want to go somewhere with their mother or sibling which is normal behaviour.

It's more that she doesn't want her older sister to come out with me I think!!! Just to say they both love coming out with me . I regularly bring them to school to
Help my friend out

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:20

You sound like a very kind friend.

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:20

is this the 5 year old that you started a thread about because she’s “so moany”?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:23

Honestly I don't mind if the younger one isn't comfortable coming with me on her own that's fine. It's more that I would happily take the older one but the little one won't allow it! A couple of weeks ago I visited and the little one was quite sick and they hadn't been out for a few days so I offered to take the older one out on her scooter for half an hour as she was climbing the walls. My friend agreed but the little one had a huge meltdown as she either wanted to come too- she couldn't she was too sick- or else she wanted me to stay and play with her . She didn't want her sister to go with me. In the end I did take the older one but the little one was very cross when we got back!

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:25

She's just jealous. That's normal with young children.

GerbilsForever24 · 25/04/2024 16:26

Oh, that isn't great. Is it just the older one who is ND. We have a similar issue with one of DD's friends - her sister, who has ASD, gets very upset when playdates are arranged without us.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/04/2024 16:28

I think the mum just doesn't think this arrangement would be helpful and this is her way of saying "I appreciate the offer but no thanks". I guess from her point of view taking one child at a time is work for you, hassle to arrange, but doesn't give her any time off.

TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:29

Are you sure the younger one isn't ND as well?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:32

TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:29

Are you sure the younger one isn't ND as well?

That's interesting. She's very different. The older one is very much in her own world but very content . My friend says she is no trouble. The younger one is very emotional and difficult to handle. It's hard to "get round her" iukwim

OP posts:
loropianalover · 25/04/2024 16:33

You’re a bit over involved/meddlesome. The mum has said no, so end of story. It’s not your business to speculate on ‘why’ or if the mum is ‘scared’ to upset one of the kids.

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:34

are they regularly attending school?

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:34

loropianalover · 25/04/2024 16:33

You’re a bit over involved/meddlesome. The mum has said no, so end of story. It’s not your business to speculate on ‘why’ or if the mum is ‘scared’ to upset one of the kids.

exactly

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:34

mind you op has started 4 threads about this family!

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:35

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/04/2024 16:28

I think the mum just doesn't think this arrangement would be helpful and this is her way of saying "I appreciate the offer but no thanks". I guess from her point of view taking one child at a time is work for you, hassle to arrange, but doesn't give her any time off.

I guess. Though she gets very stressed by the constant arguing and fighting and refereeing so I thought this might help her relationship with each child and give her some more quality one on one time with each girl which I think they crave . I think a lot of the fighting is about getting her attention

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 25/04/2024 16:37

loropianalover · 25/04/2024 16:33

You’re a bit over involved/meddlesome. The mum has said no, so end of story. It’s not your business to speculate on ‘why’ or if the mum is ‘scared’ to upset one of the kids.

Ok. It's just I would be happy to help as I see my friend so worn out and tired, maybe she just wants to have a bit of a rant to me but doesn't want any help or doesn't want to accept any I dunno.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 25/04/2024 16:37

silenttwin · 25/04/2024 16:16

and the very fact you think a 5 year old is indicative of her “ruling the roost” indicates you’re not best placed to regularly have such a young child with you alone

What a silly thing to say.

TheShellBeach · 25/04/2024 16:37

Is your sister better?

Swipe left for the next trending thread