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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be angry on my friend's behalf?

10 replies

Bouncingturtle · 01/04/2008 16:54

I post on another BBS run by a close friend, he set up as a away that all his friends whom he met at uni couold keep in touch as some of us have moved away from where we went to uni.
One of my friends, I'll call him 'John' has put a post up saying his df ('Anne') is pg. I offer congrats - they've been engaged a few months and from talking to Anne I know they really want kids (In fact John has it all planned - how many and their names and everything!!).
It turns out that it was an April Fool. Ha ha, you got me. Except that another friend 'Jane' and her husband 'Keith' also use the site and are likely to see this post. Keith and Jane have been TTCing for well over a year and are getting pretty despondant - they are now being investigated as to why they haven't conceived.
Jane is a lovely, lovely lady and she confided in me how desperate she was to have a baby, especially when she saw my ds . She is also very soft hearted. If I were in her shoes, I would be very upset by this joke which from her point of view was in very poor taste.
I know John didn't mean any harm, he would have thought it funny and in any other circumstances it would be. He probably did it on the spur of the moment and not really thought of how it could have been viewed by Jane. We are a pretty close bunch and it is no secret that Keith and Jane are TTCing.
I'm just wondering if I should contact my friend who runs the board and ask him to get the thread deleted then email John privately to tell him why.
Maybe I should just ignore it and hope Jane doesn;t see it...
You gonna tell me I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I really hope so...

OP posts:
Dragonbutter · 01/04/2008 17:01

If you say anything you run the risk of being involved in upsetting your friend. She may be just as offended, if not more, that you thought she wasn't strong enough to see the joke for what it was and not a direct dig at her.

Bouncingturtle · 01/04/2008 17:02

Yes you could be right!

OP posts:
kingprawntikka · 01/04/2008 17:02

I don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill, is there anyway you could contact your friend John and explain how you think Jane will feel and maybe he could take it down himself? I think you are being a caring considerate friend.

Bouncingturtle · 01/04/2008 17:05

I could pm him but then he may feel he is forced to apologise and maybe draw more attention to it iyswim.
on reflection perhaps i shouldn't get involved. If it did upset her I know Keith would say something to John. And there is the possibility she might not see it...

OP posts:
Dragonbutter · 01/04/2008 17:07

Your friends are not your responsibility. Try not to feel you have to fix things.

wannaBe · 01/04/2008 17:07

No I wouldn't get involved.

catzy · 01/04/2008 17:09

I think you are being a good friend but agree with Dragonbutter that you could end up being the one to offend.

If it were me I would call Jane and tell her about the joke before she reads it.

Bouncingturtle · 01/04/2008 17:22

The MN dury has spoken. I'll keep shtum

Thanks for your replies much appreciated!

OP posts:
Bouncingturtle · 01/04/2008 17:23

JURY

OP posts:
pinkyp · 01/04/2008 17:33

I see your point definately but if she has already seen it and then notices it has been deleted and finds out its bcoz u didnt want to offend her it could backfire and she might feel annoyed that your talking about her behind her back even if it is good things. Personally i'd just leave it that way she'll read it but straight after she'll see the april fools. Its a toughie!!! hope she's not offended and just brushes it off! xx

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