To feel a bit sad about this comment from DP

[whatcomesnextisbeautiful]

DP and I have a two year old daughter. We're both shift workers, I part time, he full time. Our daughter doesn't go to nursery and so we manage all of the childcare between us. We both have our own out of work commitments aside from parenting.

Today DP said to me that he didn't want to "babysitting" for the next two afternoons if I wasn't going to be using the time he has her productively.

I should say that he and our daughter have a good relationship and he isn't a bad father in any way. There has always been something about parenting I've believed he feels is a chore, and thus I've always felt the need to justify any time I ask him to look after her. I feel like today's comment solidifies my belief.

Do other people's partners/husbands feel the same way towards looking after their own children? Are my PMS hormones clouding my judgement?

This!

Let me guess when you are In charge of your daughter he goes out sees friends does things other than just working

yet he feels he is babysitting (he really isn’t he is her father) he can tell you what to do because you aren’t progressing fast enough because obviously you have so much time because childcare (that he doesn’t want to spend time on himself) is in his eyes easy

He is fed up of me not progressing at the rate he and I had hoped, and so he's basically saying if I'm not going to make progress then he doesn't want to give me the time

'Give' you the time?! He isn't 'giving' you anything. He's not 'giving you time' and he's not 'babysitting'. He's literally just being a parent to his own child. He sounds vile.

That's a bit of a drip feed op. That your retraining but it hasn't gone as you both planned. Surely this is more about how to move your training along than the term insensitivity put babysitting

I don't understand how you are managing with no childcare when he is working full time and you are part time plus retraining.

His use of words were poor but it sounds like you are both stretched too thin and something has to give.

His words were "if you're not going to make progress then I don't want to spend the next two afternoons babysitting". It really is more about the "babysitting" sentiment for me than anything else, as I say, I've always gotten the impression he wouldn't choose to spend half of the time parenting if it weren't 'necessary', which makes me feel sad for our daughter because I know how that feels having a father who'd rather go and do his own thing than spend time with me and I don't want her to experience that too.

I agree with this.

I would focus on feeling angry not sad.

Put him right

You could be going out clubbing, taking part in pie eating contests or sitting on a bench staring into space.

It doesn’t matter what you do with your free time, as long as you enjoy it because it’s your free time!

The fact that you’re actually using that time to train is amazing.

What does he do with his free time?

Honestly, I’d put the training on hold and focus on going out with your friends and doing fun social things.

What sort of person tries to guilt trip/shame their partner because they have to parent their own child for a short amount of time.

I personally find looking after my own children a chore. So I tend not to inflict it on others such as DH unless it's necessary, because I dislike it being done to me. But that doesn't mean you aren't deserving or allowed to have free time!

What I'm saying is it's not a male thing specifically.

When both ft we were actually like this, it was very much a ‘I need this day, you can have this day’. It is as someone said above, a horrible way to live but you’re both tired, you’re both busy and then plans come up too. Never used the word ‘babysitting’ but that doesn’t matter as it was terrible

What I am taking from this statement by him is that he is telling you what you can do with your time, while he cares for his own child. How would he react if you told him how he should spend his time, whilst you are parenting? He sounds like a bully and a prick.