To pretend I can do it/have it all

[CrocoShriek]

A bit of background - I spent last Christmas in my hometown and caught up with two close friends, one of them (friend A) has a 6mo baby and is getting used to life as a parent, the other one (B) has got two toddlers and works part time, but is contemplating the idea of becoming a SAHP. I work full time. I don't have strong opinions on working vs SAHP.
When we met, A said she was concerned about returning to work, B started arguing the only way to make family life work was to give up work, and I said I just lowered my standards to make it work, eg cleaning, cooking, childcare, etc.! I said so as I didn't want to scare off A ( who just had the baby and was feeling quite overwhelmed ) but also because I have a bad habit of being hard on me etc. My house is not pristine but not filthy, husband and I do 50% of the share, etc. Yes I lowered my standards but not too much, I find really hard to balance work and housekeeping /life admin, but am OK with it.
Somehow it felt that they were sneering at me and make comments about low standards etc. I felt a bit hurt but whatever.
Fast forward to last week, on Wednesday friends asked if they and their families could come to visit- arrive on Saturday pm and stay over the WE. We said yes- I love hosting.
On Friday morning (10 AM, I already left home to work) they messaged and asked if they could instead arrive on the same evening to avoid traffic.
Now, in normal circumstances this would be a no-no - I always go into deep clean mode last minute/ on the weekend and get very little done during the week, apart from some 'cleaning as I go'.
However, out of concidence I had just undergone a massive house cleaning (took days off work), so the house was in excellent shape. Plus, I had also ( and purely by coincidence, it's another story!) done some elaborate dinner prep in the early morning , so that was sorted too. So I said they could come and I'll see them after work. Few comments were made by both A and B about how they could help cooking and 'sorting the house for guests', no need to be formal etc - these pissed me off as it actually felt like they were patronising. It all added to the feeling that the lack of notice was intentional, and perhaps part of B'plan to promote SAHP by making me and FT WORK Look like a failure...( this became even more apparent during the weekend). So I decided to play along!
On that day I also got some work lunch award thing, so I was all in full make up/ high heels/ dress, which I never do. Another total coincidence.
Imagine the scene, I come home to meet guests all dolled up, holding an award on one hand and pushing the pram with the other, house is pristine, dinner has been prepared from scratch and just need to be put in the oven, I even got pudding and homemade bread and I made that look like just any other day in my life, casually dropping the 'just a bit of organisation' comment there and there. Even my 2yo decided to behave-something in the universe! Husband was totally amused by me playing perfect housewife - I even wore an apron...

B looked absolutely disappointed and A quite perplexed...actually feeling a bit guilty that I made this look easy to her. It is not.

So, if you have made it this far, AIBU to pretend I am the perfect career woman/ housewife with my cheeky friends?

I feel a bit sad reading that to be honest; either you don’t have very nice friends who would try to catch you out or you’ve made your friend feel a bit shit about their life.
I can see why you’d feel that way as your friend made you feel like that already but it’s an odd approach to friendship on both parts. Are they actually real friends?

I am in awe that the stars were aligned for you that day! I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all because you’re being modest enough to know that it’s impossible to keep super high standards and juggle day to day life.

You’re my hero! Well played OP!!

I would’ve absolutely done the same in those circumstances but I’d also try and get new friends too.

Well played. And no it's never easy though I'm a lone parent with a career so I know how good it feels when everything aligns.

I’d go out on a high and never contact them again 😆

I think you have behaved quite oddly. If you really feel that judged by your "friends" then stop being friends with them. Don't tie yourself in knots trying to impress them and settle a score that may well be all in your mind.

I am so happy that all stars aligned with you! Enjoy while you can!
Your friends were being petty and so you shouldn't feel guilty about showing off! This may be the only time when everything works perfectly!

I am really happy for you !

You're as bad as B, surely.

I feel bad for A 😕

It's not really pretending is it though? I appreciate days like that don't often happen but you didn't suddenly panic and have to run around getting things ready for them. They were already done!

But also, agree with the PPs, you need better friends.

I don't see how she behaved oddly. She looked good because she had made the effort and she had a clean house because she cleaned it and bread because she baked it. What should she have done? Dragged herself through a hedge on the way home from work and thrown tue dinner away and ordered a pizza?

I think you need genuine friends

I think you're all right in saying I need better friends...but these are the friends I have since childhood, through my teenage years an twenties! These are the friends I slept with in the most horribly smelling hostels in Europe...I feel somehow betrayed that now the agenda is to have the perfect housekeeping skills. It's probably a case of lives drifting apart perhaps, and maybe I need to grow up.

I am still feeling a bit guilty ... I'll probably end up dropping a message saying something like 'can't believe the stars were aligned lol' or similar, mostly because I care about A.
I am still annoyed at B, maybe that's the friend I need to drop. She checked if there was dust on the living room shelves!

Every time they come round I want you to greet them with an award in your hand!!

My experience has tended to be the polar opposite of this...

Friend unexpectedly pops round and I'm serving the kids spaghetti hoops and toast with dirty dishes piled up on the side, bathroom looking grim and laundry hanging from the doors and I'm dressed in baggy sweats with a range of stains decorating them.

And it's more likely she'd have to hunt for the shelves under the dust rather than the dust on the shelves...

But we have a cup of tea and a catch-up and I don't feel judged because she's my friend.

But this is exactly what happens with my local friends...the ones I met in the city I moved to, and maybe I chose with more of a grown up wisdom;)

If I were you OP I’d have an honest chat with B about how she made you feel as she may admit that she’s struggling with her choices and life and it’s coming out in an ugly way. If they are such longstanding friends you’d hope there’s more to it.

I am still feeling a bit guilty ... I'll probably end up dropping a message saying something like 'can't believe the stars were aligned lol' or similar, mostly because I care about A.

Please don't bring yourself down. They both sneered at you so they both needed to be ruffled.

You are a much better friend than they deserve and you need to ensure you don't give more of yourself than they give to you.