Obsessed that something is wrong with my baby.

[StrugglingAway]

Since my baby was born, I have been frantic and obsessed that there is something wrong with them. I feel like I spend most of the day looking for ‘signs’ of a condition, most notably Autism or ADHD. I scrutinise everything my baby does. At baby classes I find myself comparing my baby to others, and to be honest, my baby does exhibit behaviours consistent with Autism that the other babies do not. My main concern is that my baby does these very odd looking repetitive movements that I have not seen any other baby doing. When I look online, a lot of babies who did these type of movements went on to be diagnosed with Autism. I spend a long time each day on Mumsnet, TikTok, YouTube and Google researching signs and symptoms.

This isn’t helped by the fact that, whilst pregnant, one of my elder children was diagnosed with Autism. This went unnoticed for many years as they have low support needs. So, statistically, it’s quite likely my baby will also be neurodiverse. I know that a condition isn’t the end of the world, but I don’t want my baby to struggle, and I’ve no idea how to rid myself of these thoughts. I know I should just enjoy my baby and have a ‘what will be, will be’ attitude, but I just can’t.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you ‘give yourself a shake’ and stop?

I don't think you should give yourself a shake. You're worried about your child. That is normal and okay. It is literally your job to advocate for your child and if you have concerns that they might need extra support you shouldn't stop.

@BirthdayRainbow I think it’s the intensity of my concerns. I feel like I am not enjoying my baby at all and just want to fast forward time so I can have confirmation on whether there is something ‘wrong’ or not.

Ask a medical professional who sees your child in real life. Not tik tok.
Obsession will not alter anything. He is who he is.
You cannot change your child's genes. Given older sibling diagnosis ask for a review at the right time eg 12 months or18 months.

@cestlavielife I know that obsession will not alter anything. I’m not sure how I change my behaviour though.

Give yourself ten minutes a day to stress then put them away and focus on enjoying him.

This sounds like a bit like post natal depression/anxiety/ intrusive thoughts especially if it's interfering with your enjoyment of your baby. Is it possible to talk to your GP or hv to get some support? I don't know how old your baby is but in the first year I think they are pretty quick at getting you support if it's needed

I think you need to talk to your GP. Worrying for your baby is very normal but it sounds like you're becoming extremely anxious and it's taking over your life.

I have thought about speaking to my GP or HV, but I assume they will just say I am being anxious or paranoid. You can’t diagnose neurodiversity for years anyway, so they also won’t be able to tell me whether my baby is or not.

Your GP should not dismissing any anxiety you are feeling about your baby. They might tell you as you know that he's too young to diagnose but you should explain that the concern is taking over your enjoyment and becoming an obsessive thought for you. They won't diagnose your baby but they can help you cope with the worry. Please reach out to them as they can help you

Hi OP. I felt like this when my DD was a toddler (perhaps not coincidentally it was also when I was a few months post natal with her younger sibling- I do wonder if it was fuelled by post natal anxiety. Certainly the sleep deprivation didn’t help.) It was horrible; I’m sorry you’re experiencing similar. On top of your olderchild’s diagnosis you must have a lot on your mind.

I can’t say that I’m over it entirely but I’ve definitely got my anxiety to a saner level where I can more easily keep things in proportion. I remember distinctly that feeling of analysing every little thing and comparing with other children and trying to “find the truth” on the internet. Not good- for anyone. I did have a course of CBT and also found opening up to close friends helped. I would advise talking to your GP and if possible getting some therapy.

Agree with mostly what other PP are saying.

How old is your baby OP?

@scoobysnaxx 7 months.

My DS was very unwell when he was born which gave me anxiety (justified to a point) over his health. I eventually went to the GP after my DM suggested that my anxiety was an issue.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, got medication and therapy which helped massively.

I suggest you go to your GP about your mental health, talk through how you are feeling and go from there.

@StrugglingAway how are you doing now? I feel the exact same as you. Feel like I’ve had a breakdown today. Can’t stop crying and feel physically sick with worry over my daughter. she flaps her arms and twirls her feet and while I know this can be normal I’m obsessed by thinking about what it means. spoke to my health visitor and she suggested I phone my GP because it sounds like I’m struggling so I’ll wait and see if I can get an app with my GP.

@99SR Hi.

To be honest, I completely forgot about this thread and haven’t had concerns that something is wrong for quite some time. My baby stopped doing the hand and foot movements and doesn’t show any signs of autism. They are incredibly social and show great non-verbal communication, pointing, clapping, throwing the TV remote at us when they want a certain show on! Obsessed with their dad and cling to him, equally they display shyness around strangers. They also now have two words, ‘yes’ and ‘uh oh’.

In retrospect, it was the lack of non-verbal communication that was the first sign my older child exhibited. But because they had such a vast vocabulary at a young age, it was easy to miss and overlook.

Additionally, we had the 12 month check with the HV and all social milestones were reached. They have no concerns. They are just starting to take first steps!

My older child is doing great too and just adores their sibling.

Baby began sleeping through at 8 months which I think made a huge difference to my anxiety and mental health. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time obsessing over it.

Am I the only one who finds this thread title a bit offensive? Autism isn't something that is 'wrong' with anyone