Wedding

[Tommy0808]

Hope I am ok posting onhere being a man?
So a bit about us...

We have been together for well over a decade since we were young, split up last year (her decision), have 2 kids together but decided to work on things again at the back end of last year and have been since.
Anyway one of her best friends is getting married abrorad next year, we have had an invite through just for her. I was a bit disappointed by that but partner downplayed it saying hshe doesnt know who shes invited etc. Anyway I've since found out at least one of their other friends husbands has been invited.

Am I right to feel aggrieved and hurt by this? I don't know how best to approach this? We dont see them that much together but I feel like any social setting we do will now feel awkward for me and why should I invest my time in talking to them etc if they arent going to invest in me?

Traditionally you invite spouses of guests but not partners, although this is a bit muddy because you're more than partners as you have children.

Can your friend ask the bride?

Maybe your partner has forgiven you for whatever reason you split over but the friend hasn't. Who knows?

Let her go to the wedding, you look after the children at home. Her friend gets to decide who to invite to her own wedding. You have admitted you don't see them much together so it isn't like you were close to them. This isn't about investing time and a quid pro quo situation. Not everything is transactional.

I’d imagine your partner’s best friend knows a good deal of the background of the split and it doesn’t paint you in a very good light or endear her to you. Perhaps she thinks her friend would benefit from the time away alone. What does your partner say about it? Is she happy to go alone? Being a couple doesn’t mean you have to do everything together, particularly not if you’re not actually close with the couple marrying.

decided to work on things again at the back end of last year and have been since
Does that mean you are back together fully? Or still working on things? Are you back together socially, seeing friends as a couple, etc? Are you living together?
Is it possible this friend doesn't realise you are back together?
Is it possible your friend did her numbers planning when you were split and is now at capacity?
I wouldn't normally bother the B&G about something like this but in this instance if the B really is a good friend of your DP I think she should subtly enquire... if I was the bride I'd be mortified to leave out the long term partner of a good friend through a mistake.
Unless perhaps your partner doesn't quite see you as fully back together as you do, and the bride as her best friend knows this....

Different friends are different closeness. It's not your business who is invited and who isn't.

If you're properly back together, living together etc then yes I do think she should have invited you to be polite.

Not to be too blunt, but perhaps she's angry at you for the breakup and isn't fussed about politeness.

What obligation, exactly, does your wife's friend have to "invest" in you? My guess is her best friend has been privy to quite a many things and isn't quite ready to welcome you back with open arms as a permanent partner.

Whatever the case, you're making this all about you, when it's really not. The bride and groom can invite who they wish. This is one of your wife's best friends so be gracious and wish her a wonderful time at the wedding while you stay home with the kids.

Please don't be offended, but maybe it is as simple as the friend doesn't like you and doesn't want you at her wedding. Or it could be that when they were drawing up the wedding plans, you and your dp were not together, and the wedding venue only has space for so many guests. If you were left out of the provisional guest list, maybe there isn't room to add you now.

Your dp isn't responsible for who other people have decided to invite to their wedding, so I wouldn't let it cause conflict between the two of you.

I think this is a very sad way of thinking about people and friendships. It’s not an investment that you judge on what you get back from it. Weddings are expensive things. Everyone has to make hard decisions about who to invite and who not to invite. Get over it.

I don't think being married makes a difference in receiving a wedding invitation!