To put off sorting my lifestyle out?

[LizzyB03]

I’m 38. Married with a 2.5 year old, good job (full time) and comfortable income. I’ve got a great life, but I could be so much better.

I smoke. I quit when I was pregnant and started again when child was 1.

I drink. Usually 2-3 glasses of red wine every evening after the little one is in bed. I have a high tolerance and don’t feel it in the morning (or when the toddler frequently wakes me at 3am!).

I know these things are bad for me. I don’t even smoke in the day, I’m busy working or taking care of the child. But as soon as he’s in bed I happily tell myself that I deserve these vices. It’s my ‘me’ time and I genuinely enjoy the wine and cigarettes. But I get lazy, lethargic, selfish. As soon as 8pm hits I cannot be bothered.

I tell myself daily that I will feel better about my lifestyle and be more productive by quitting the smoking and saving wine for weekends. But I just can’t seem to take the leap and bloody do it. How bad is it really? And I like it!

Then I’ll struggle with what first? Quitting both together seems like too much at once.

So I do nothing. I want to, but I dont.

It's your life, you can use it as you wish.
People who smoke cigarettes are 15 to 30 times more likely to get lung cancer or die from lung cancer than people who do not smoke. Is it worth it?

As a child of a smoker, I hated it so much. Even when my mum didn’t smoke in the house it was on her clothes, somehow ended up on my clothes, it was horrific. So I would maybe start with smoking. Once you are sorted there, then maybe try and reduce your drinking. But lots of people have a glass or two a night.

And no matter how much you think you can get rid of the smoke or he can’t smell it, it reeks. Your child will be smelling some second hand smoke somewhere.

When you say you don't feel it, you do you're just so used to feeling shit it's normal.

I think you need to quit both together.

Smoking is the priority I would say, but would you honestly be able to have a glass of wine without wanting to light up? They go hand in hand.

For me there was something magical about my youngest turning 3. The fog lifted, and I went from survival mode to feeling like I knew what I was doing. Hormonally something definitely shifted.

I wasn’t a smoker/drinker but I was certainly hitting the chocolate, coffee and shitty tv hard and collapsing on the sofa every evening. 2.5 is still in the hard slog stage so maybe cut yourself some slack for a little bit. Do a small healthy thing in the meantime - like drinking more water - something achievable to shift your mindset that little bit.

Just don’t buy tobacco or wine. Just don’t. Don’t bring it into your house so you can’t be tempted.

If I gave you a £10 note, would you roll it up and smoke it? probably not.
If I gave you a glass of water mixed with tobacco, would you drink it? Probably not. “Poison “ you’d shriek! “I can’t drink THAT!”

There are no answers in the bottom of a wine glass.

For the sake of your little one, STOP! Stop today.

Just think of your child. Every cigarette you smoke is adding more likelihood of health consequences and you not being well / around for a long time.

I quit smoking 20 years ago now by reading that Alan Carr book, the Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I never smoked again after reading it, give it a try.

Having young children for me made me feel like I really need to look after myself. Losing a parent is devastating for a child and I had such an urge that I needed to do whatever I could to give myself the best shot of seeing them safely into adulthood.

When you're ready you will. If that was now, you'd not be asking MN to talk you into it. And no one will be able to anyway, because the voice in your head telling you you're fine and it won't hurt is already drowning out the one telling you to change. So you'll go off the thread and listen to the first voice. If the time comes when the disadvantages (cost, health impact, effect on your appearance -weight and skin-if that bothers you at all) matter more than the pleasure, then you'll make changes.
I would say though, don't underestimate the alcohol. The smoking is common knowledge, but drinking - people don't realise the difference it makes. I'm 50s and had all the vices, terrible lifestyle, until my late 40s, except I've never been a drinker. And truthfully, I think that's what's saved me, as I look and feel in much better shape than my peers who drank.

Aw don’t beat yourself up. You have a job and a toddler- it’s ok. Not the worst habits in the world and a few glasses is fine if it’s not hurting anyone. I mean it would be great if we all have a virtuous clean life but it’s so tough. I need to lose weight and wake up everyday saying stop eating so badly, I also drink too much Diet Coke but then I think ah life’s hard enough enjoy it!

Stopping cigarettes is probably an easier first step. Just don’t have them in the house - and you can’t go out to buy some as you have a baby in bed.

Then booze… I know the pattern of a daily ‘reward’ drink well and it always slides into drinking far too much - frequency if not volume!

Cut out Mondays to start.

Then Mondays and Tuesdays.

etc.

I feel you though - life with a full time job and small child is so intense, having you 60-120 minutes of ‘me time’ a day makes it easy to fall back on things that make you feel good / or tbh I even wonder if sometimes it’s about just being able to have a vice..!

The health consequences are huge and you can’t convince yourself otherwise. Find a way to give up and get through this patch, you will feel so much better for giving up smoking and your nightly almost-bottle of wine.

Could you just buy those little bottles of wine? That would limit how much you drink per night.
Vaping isn’t great but might work as a stepping stone to stopping. Sometimes it’s easy to stop doing things and other times it’s really difficult and then you’ve just got to keep making small steps towards stopping

I think you need to change what you are doing that you associate the drinking and smoking with too. New activities for an evening could be getting a book to read/do a you tube exercise or mindfulness video/do some later night batch cooking/self care doing your nails and make those activities drink and smoke free.