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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me word this?

30 replies

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:01

Really minor, but the sort of thing I tie myself in knots over.

I’ve hired a teenager to collect DD from school once a week and then help me at home with the very cushy (imo!) job of wrapping my eBay sales. She’s paid over the odds but per hour / on the clock.

DD loves her, she is diligent, she lets me know if unwell etc. But - last week DD let me know that they went via Costa on the way home, so she could get a coffee. This week they went via Costa and via a bus stop out of the way to (according to DD) walk another friend there. And were later home by 15 minutes or so, at my expense. She only does 1-1.5 hours a time, so it adds up.

It feels slightly piss taking and I’m not sure how happy I am at my six year old going via a coffee shop every week anyway. How can I word this to her? I really just want to say, Hey, the scope of the job is collecting DD and heading straight home to get on with things here.

OP posts:
Alwaysalwayscold · 23/04/2024 18:04

"Hi X, DD said you've haven't been coming straight home from school and have been to Costa etc first. Could you make sure you stick to the arrangement please as taking her elsewhere adds a lot more risk factors into play. Thanks, OP."

jackstini · 23/04/2024 18:05

I couldn't really get wound up about this. She is still looking after dd and as long as she gets the parcels done then fine

Does dd mind going via Costa/bus stop though?

MyBreezyPombear · 23/04/2024 18:06

Are you there when she gets home with your DD?

If you aren't - is she getting the job of wrapping the ebay parcels done?

Onetiredbeing · 23/04/2024 18:07

I think this is something you actually do need to be very firm and direct about. I had a formal contract with a nanny and put this into the contract. That she was to bring my dc home from school, on a route agreed on. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who thought it was ok to quickly do detours with your child. You don't have a contract but I say that you still need to be clear about this.

TheCultureHusks · 23/04/2024 18:08

Hi X, I’m afraid I need you to come straight home from school with DD when you pick her up. I don’t want you in the position of being responsible for her except for the straightforward walk home, it isn’t fair on you or her. I also need you here for the packing job for the full time we agreed. Could you sort your own errands either before or after the time we agreed? Thanks

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 23/04/2024 18:13

Hi X, thanks again for the great job you have been doing. On the days that you collect DD, please could you make sure you bring her straight home from school rather than taking her on any other errands?

Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:20

Thanks all.

I couldn't really get wound up about this. She is still looking after dd and as long as she gets the parcels done then fine

Does dd mind going via Costa/bus stop though?

Sure, but paying a 15 year old to go to Costa doesn’t sit right with me.

DD is totally indifferent, she loves her and would follow her anywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:21

Will use one of the more casual answers above. Thank you.

OP posts:
Icepop79 · 23/04/2024 18:26

Onetiredbeing · 23/04/2024 18:07

I think this is something you actually do need to be very firm and direct about. I had a formal contract with a nanny and put this into the contract. That she was to bring my dc home from school, on a route agreed on. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who thought it was ok to quickly do detours with your child. You don't have a contract but I say that you still need to be clear about this.

Wouldn’t have entered my mind for a second to put something like that in a contract. If I trusted someone to look after my children, I trusted them to exercise their judgment about keeping them safe. Our nannies would sometimes take the kids to a park after school, to a cafe, to go get an ice cream, to pick up food to cook for tea….

Why on earth would you leave your children with someone you have so little respect for that you have to tell them to adhere to only one route home from school?

TinkerTiger · 23/04/2024 18:38

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:20

Thanks all.

I couldn't really get wound up about this. She is still looking after dd and as long as she gets the parcels done then fine

Does dd mind going via Costa/bus stop though?

Sure, but paying a 15 year old to go to Costa doesn’t sit right with me.

DD is totally indifferent, she loves her and would follow her anywhere.

Is she just going to buy a coffee or having a sit down/lounge? Jesus she's 15!

Luckily my nanny families have had no issue with taking the kids for a babyccino while I DARE to drink a coffee myself. They loved the videos I'd send them of the toddlers watching the buses go by out the window

AutumnNanny · 23/04/2024 18:41

Onetiredbeing · 23/04/2024 18:07

I think this is something you actually do need to be very firm and direct about. I had a formal contract with a nanny and put this into the contract. That she was to bring my dc home from school, on a route agreed on. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who thought it was ok to quickly do detours with your child. You don't have a contract but I say that you still need to be clear about this.

Jesus, uptight much?

Either you trust your nanny or you don't.

'on a route agreed on' FMD

AutumnNanny · 23/04/2024 18:45

@TheWayTheLightFalls she's looking after your DD. What does it matter if she goes to Costa to buy a coffee?

The parcels are a separate issue, or should be. Are you expecting her to wrap the parcels while she also looks after DD? If you are, complains about it being 'on your dime' is a bit shit!! You're paying for childcare, but expecting her to do other work as well.

Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:47

Is she just going to buy a coffee or having a sit down/lounge? Jesus she's 15!

From my pov the imperative things are that I’m paying her over the odds, and that she does around 1-1.5 hours a time for me. So, yes, 25% of that time spent getting a coffee as a regular thing isn’t ok. It would be different if the circumstances were different.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:50

The parcels are a separate issue, or should be. Are you expecting her to wrap the parcels while she also looks after DD? If you are, complains about it being 'on your dime' is a bit shit!!

No, she brings DD home and then (while DD is with me) does the parcels. I think you’re working quite hard to find me at fault here.

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 23/04/2024 19:14

I'd have thought your DD would enjoy the detour with the teenager! You've said that you're paying over the odds, which you seem to resent. Do you mean over the minimum wage for a teenager, or more than the amount you'd pay an adult, I think minimum wage is now around £11?

Turnthelightoff · 23/04/2024 19:26

Offer to get some nice coffee in at yours as part of some of the well worded suggestions up thread.

Kazplus2 · 23/04/2024 19:36

I'd be ok with this. Works out an extra hour a week at most and a bit more exercise for your DD. If you need to say something I would word it that you would like her home by x time rather than via preferred route. Either that or a fixed price for walking home then timed work for wrapping.

WingSlutz · 23/04/2024 19:40

God you can spot the people who've never had a nanny a mile off.
OP just send something like, hi X, quick reminder to bring DD straight home from school with no detours please. DD may love a wander but I need you here! Will have the kettle on for you, see you tomorrow, thanks OP

TinkerTiger · 23/04/2024 19:44

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 18:47

Is she just going to buy a coffee or having a sit down/lounge? Jesus she's 15!

From my pov the imperative things are that I’m paying her over the odds, and that she does around 1-1.5 hours a time for me. So, yes, 25% of that time spent getting a coffee as a regular thing isn’t ok. It would be different if the circumstances were different.

Paying ‘over the odds’ but you’re paying for one hour…of course you’d need to pay more to attract anyone to that position. Who wants to leave their home and travel to you for an hour for peanuts? Max 1.5? And do all of that in that time?

I have an after school role that’s once a week for 3 hours. I’m expected only to play with/entertain the children. And I’m paid well per hour as well.

I always say if you want someone to do childcare and a list of jobs, hire someone full time, not a teenager for an hour.

Sounds like you’re stretching to afford this and are therefore expecting blood in exchange. Nannies aren’t for everyone. And that’s what 1:1 childcare in your home is, despite how you describe it.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2024 19:44

That sounds like a great job for a teenager. Are you saying that you pay her e.g. £5 for half an hour but she takes one hour because she goes to Costa so you have to give £10?

Why don't you pay her for the trip itself and if she takes longer than that's down to her? However I would want to know where my daughter was at all times and I wouldn't want her going anywhere anywhere else on her way home.

TinkerTiger · 23/04/2024 19:45

Tumbler2121 · 23/04/2024 19:14

I'd have thought your DD would enjoy the detour with the teenager! You've said that you're paying over the odds, which you seem to resent. Do you mean over the minimum wage for a teenager, or more than the amount you'd pay an adult, I think minimum wage is now around £11?

She’s paying over the odds because no one would leave home for £11, max £15. She can pay a cheaper hourly rate for full time and get all of her jobs done!

Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 19:51

Who wants to leave their home and travel to you for an hour for peanuts? Max 1.5? And do all of that in that time?

@TinkerTiger she is 15, and goes to the school immediately alongside my daughter’s (and lives a few minutes away again). She isn’t leaving her home, she’s leaving a high school and walking 5m to the adjoining primary. You seem to be thinking of a nanny travelling to a childcare job. She isn’t one.

OP posts:
Datafan55 · 23/04/2024 20:31

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/04/2024 19:51

Who wants to leave their home and travel to you for an hour for peanuts? Max 1.5? And do all of that in that time?

@TinkerTiger she is 15, and goes to the school immediately alongside my daughter’s (and lives a few minutes away again). She isn’t leaving her home, she’s leaving a high school and walking 5m to the adjoining primary. You seem to be thinking of a nanny travelling to a childcare job. She isn’t one.

Actually sounds like a perfect job for a teenager who practically lives next door! Not sure why people are saying it isn't or why you should pay someone full time instead (!)

Onetiredbeing · 23/04/2024 21:04

@Icepop79 your examples are all related to the job though. I'm speaking about the ones who think it's ok to pick something up from a friends place 'on the way', do a personal errand. You would be surprised how many think this was ok.

meganorks · 23/04/2024 21:39

If you are home when she gets back, surely you have noticed her arriving 15 minutes later with a coffee?! Maybe you need to restructure how you pay - ie its an amount for the 15/20 minutes to get your daughter home and then the hourly rate for however long it takes to do parcels - maybe you could frame it as makes it easier to work out how much you owe when there is a varying amonnt of parcel work each day