Nightmare situation at work

[SpeedbirdSquawker]

There have been changes at work and I've basically took on the recruitment and line management of two people. I didn't want this but it was all part of the changes. My salary remains the same as before and my job title remains the same.

It's so bloody hard! I know one of the people I line manage personally and they can be difficult at times.

I dread going to work and I'm very snappy now out work. I'm just sat crying at the thought of going to work. I wanted to move house this year so staying at the same company is important as the agencies round here think continuinity with an employer is very important plus I wouldn't get as decent a wage anywhere else.

Oh no that’s hard op! Definitely look for a new job- you never know what’s out there. Can you speak to your own manager? You could maybe say that you know this person in your personal life and it’s not working you being their manager.. maybe they could move you somewhere else? X

@babyproblems I don't think they could move me. It's a very small organisation. I would like the line management of these two to go to someone else.

The person I know isn't really giving the job a fair chance. They think it's boring. There's lots to do as part of the role that it's rarely boring.

Serious question: what would make this easier for you? If moving your job isn’t an option and your manager isn’t being helpful what else might help? It sounds as if you are out of your depth and need more support in learning how to manage others. It’s possible that having this new skill could lead to a better job later so gaining an understanding of managing others might be useful and help you feel more in control.

My manager is very supportive but I've not had a chance to speak to him about how I'm feeling yet. The person I know and line manage complains about their role, they're a very honest and perhaps negative person, but it's rubbish to have to listen to. I'm so fed up.

I've been off on annual leave and the stress of going back has made me ill.

When they complain about their role, I'm always quick with a potential solution too as I don't want them feeling shit in their new role.

Two things: firstly speak with or communicate with your manager. You say they are supportive so give them the opportunity to support you. I’d be upset and frustrated if my staff were feeling the way you are and I wasn’t even aware.

Secondly why are you offering potential solutions to Mr/Ms Moan? They are there to learn and perform a role. You can give them the training or instructions and information they need. Ask if there is anything they feel would help them. No need to bend over backwards and make yourself ill. Kindly, that’s daft and unnecessary. That person won’t be giving you any thought whatsoever.

Lastly maybe think about why this is making you so stressed? When the moaning starts you mentally check through what your responsibility is and whether you’ve done that. If they can’t or won’t do that then they won’t remain in post.

Start by calling or emailing your manager.

@MatildaTheCat that's exactly what I needed to hear, thank you. I've done my job and more training this person. They aren't using their initiative much which might be the reason they are bored.

Approach management, tell them this is not a position you want and unless they give you guidance and support you don’t feel suited to the role. Ask for more money if they want you to take on more responsibility

Have they increased your pay to reflect that you are line managing direct reports now?

Managers should get a higher pay/banding.

Speak to your manager about why you’ve been given more responsibility without a promotion and pay rise.

Your manager should be line managing these 2 people.

It's a job not a party - it's not your role to ensure the person enjoys it.

Of course it's nice if people enjoy their work but that is in large part down to their own personality. As long as you are friendly and professional you are doing your bit to make a nice workplace. If this job doesn't suit the person then they should look for another.

I think as part of your role as line manager you should give this person an objective of "maintain a positive attitude at work" and tell them that saying the work is boring etc is impacting on the morale of the team. You might be overstepping your role to say "if this job doesn't suit you then you should look for another" but if it doesn't suit them then that is what they should do.

If you weren't taken on as a manager originally, you can't be forced to be one now!

Don't give solutions, just ask them if they want a solution or if they just want to vent. Point out to them that they don't seem happy in their role and if they are planning on doing anything about that. That might be the motivation they need to start job hunting. Don't engage with their negativity if it's draining you, avoid them or walk away.

How are they performing? How long have they been there? Are they still on probation? (Usually 6 months)

And yes stop offering solutions, ask them questions instead.

Apart from this situation if you genuinely like the role then I would speak with management about it.

If you don't I would crack on finding a new role.

you can listen to them while they say it is boring but you cant always find a solution.
they could look elsewhere if they really wanted

I’m sorry OP - I’ve had to manage people like this before and it’s such a pain.

You had some great advice from @MatildaTheCat . The only thing I’d add would be to manage when they can access you for these kinds of moans. Setting out a weekly meeting time for example, and saying that if they have something that urgently needs addressing of course they can come to you, but ultimately it’s their responsibility to complete their role and raise any concerns in your line management meeting. Minute the meeting, send them a copy with your manager cc’d every week. You set the agenda for the meetings. Make sure the minutes have an “action” column, and make sure the majority of the actions are on them to complete. Check in the next meeting whether they have completed their actions. If not, ask what support they require to complete it - they need to tell you what it is, not just expect you do take it off their plate. If they’re continually failing to fix their own messes, this will become clear quickly and you can raise a concern with your own line manager.

Formalising it this way will help to take the sting out, and will start to neutralise their complaints - not immediately, but they will learn that your role is not to be their dogsbody.

You say they are bored and

"They aren't using their initiative much which might be the reason they are bored"

But are you giving them the chance to use their initiative because you also say

"I'm always quick with a potential solution"

So back off a bit and stop micromanaging. If there's a problem needing a solution, talk to them about how they would go about fixing things rather than you jumping in. OK you may need still need to if their ideas don't work, but let them have the chance to try.

I feel like this in my job! What I really want to say to the grumpy person (who sometimes can be lovely) is ‘if you’re not happy, then F off and stop making everyone else miserable’, but I can’t!

I’ve line managed whingers for 15 years . I have mostly made sympathetic noises and made suggestions to give more autonomy but I think with some people it’s the whinge they enjoy and what you say or suggest is unimportant.
I basically say to whingers now , you know you don’t have to work here, are you looking at other roles? I think a move might help you. I really mean it too.
that sometimes helps them see the positive in their roles but not for long and they are soon back whinging again. It’s a personality type imo and there is really nothing you can do except change your own reaction to it. Ie. Make suggestions or refer them to your previous suggestions but otherwise try and let it go over you !

You can if you do it sympathetically. Ie I can’t help noticing how unhappy and unfulfilled you are in this role. Have you considered something that might suit you better or be more interesting for you?
like I say it makes no difference anyway as they enjoy the whinging!

Agree with everything that has been said here.

Shut the whinging down, every time. (Unless it’s genuine or constructive)

When they whinge respond with a question that puts the onus on them, not a solution. ‘What are you going to do about it’ etc. ‘I noticed you do/say this, can you tell me why’ or ‘can you explain your train of thought to me’ then challenge.

You say they don’t show initiative - tell them they aren’t showing initiative and they need to address this and they may be more fulfilled at work.

And then - set out your expectations and tell them you’ll check in on x date to check their progress. You’ll support with training or equipment if required but it’s not your job or responsibility to carry them.

Personal Responsibility… put it on them.

Also, as your job description has changed I’d be asking for a pay review. Don’t be shy about this, time to get a bit more assertive!

I. If the organisation is a good one you should be compensated fairly. Getting extra work with no pay increase and change of job title is a big red flag.

1. You don't have to hold their hand, it sounds mean but that's what friends and counsellors are for. As long as you're fair with them about their job that's all you need to be, if the don't like the role maybe they should quit- again not something you have to talk with them about unless they are shit at their job and that would be main managers job anyway.

The company sounds a bit crap imo.

The organisation is not for profit and if I ask for a higher pay grade I know I'll be declined on the grounds of there being no money.

Thank you all for your advice. Its really given me something to think about.