To think social services are enabling domestic abuse

[fuckingidiot2]

My stbxh is on police bail for assaulting me and not allowed near me or the street. Obviously this means to see the children he needs a third party. Social services decided this could be his sister but since I've been asking in advance which days he is seeing the children she can't commit to anything, won't give me set days and times but can arrange for him to take the older ones out of school while leaving the younger ones with me. To me this is completely unfair on the children. I need to work and arrange child care but social services are saying I need to do as his sister says. This is just his way of continuing to manipulate and control me through the children. AIBU to think social services should see that and be putting a stop to it not telling me to toe the line essentially?

So is he collecting the children or taking them out of lessons? How old are the children? Do you need him for child care whilst you work?

Is this the children's services attached to the court? If so in my experience they are often at odds with everyone else regarding domestic violence and abuse, including the rest of children's services, the school etc. do you have an IDVA? Women's aid might be able to help. It doesn't sound like his sister is suitable to facilitate this, and I would dig your heals in and insist on a contact centre or no contact.

We have two under two, one primary school, one secondary school. He wants to collect the older ones during the week from school, then send them down the street on their own home after a couple of hours, leaving the younger ones at home. But there's no set pattern it's just as he decides and says via a social worker, he Won't commit to anything. I don't NEED him while I work but if he's having them and I know in advance then I can arrange my own childcare if needed and work etc. I'm half tempted to just tell him to go down the legal route! At least then I might get some commitment and set times/ days

That's unacceptable isn't it. I would definitely tell him if there's no plan then to go legal way. If he's just randomly picking the kids up are you turning up to school and they aren't there or us someone messaging you? I'd definitely get legal advice on all this. Can you tell school not to release the kids to him unless you've agreed?

This is my problem. He's telling the social worker, then his sister is texting me/ social worker to basically say "this is what he's doing" there's no consideration for any plans I have. I just can't understand why the social worker is allowing this kind of behaviour when it's HIM on police bail not me! She basically told me yesterday it wasn't his fault he couldn't pick the smaller ones up! It certainly IS his fault he assaulted me and isn't allowed near me or the street

I think it sounds like this has got to the point of needing a court order to resolve things. They won't let you do mediation if there is domestic abuse (rightly so!) and so court is the only option. Sometimes these men use contact as a way to continue to control their ex partner (by constantly mucking you and the kids around in this case)

Absolutely contact your local DV service for IDVA support. They can then liaise with SW.
unfortunately the system is rotten and the SWs and court seem to prioritise contact at all costs despite the DA Act 2021 stating any children who witness DA are now classed as victims in their own right.

Hope you are ok x

This sounds like a social worker being very passive, or being taken in by STBX. Here we'd tell him to make suitable plans by a third party and if he couldn't, to apply to the court (privately, at his cost) for a resolution.
We wouldn't be telling the victim of DV to have to fit around him - we might advocate for some flexibility if it means avoiding the stress of court, but not for it to be one sided or risk perpetuating a control dynamic.

The only person to blame for DA is your STBXH. Stop looking for blame elsewhere!

I'm well aware he is the perpetrator but I don't need social services backing his cause is my point