How to call somebody out politely and professionally?

[Padfootnprongs]

I have a colleague who seems to have a problem with me, and I have absolutely no idea why. We don’t work closely, in fact months go by where we have no contact at all, nevertheless if she is calling a meeting that is relevant to me, she will leave me off the invite list. If there is a development on a project I am working on, she will consult or update everyone except me. If I send her an e-mail she will not acknowledge at all unless she has to, and even then it is in as few words as possible. She has once tried to make out that I have not shared information with her and implied fault on my part, when I know for a fact that a colleague shared the information with her ages ago. It felt like she was looking for a ‘gotcha’ on me, wanting to catch me out.

These are all water under the bridge, but the next time she shows contempt for me (I know contempt sounds strong, but that is how I am receiving this behaviour) I don’t want to just let it pass.

As much as I want to go find her and say “WHAT is your problem?!!” it needs to be low-key, professional, and not let her know that she has got to me. But also show her I am not a pushover. So for example, how could I call out the meeting-exclusion, without either appearing to beg for an invite, or flounce about it?

Show up to the meeting!

Message her and say, ‘hi x, could you add me to y meeting invite? Thanks!’

I know that seems the obvious thing to do, and I’ve done that before but she still leaves me out of the next one. I don’t like the power dynamic that I always have to be the one asking to come along.

Thanks, that’s a thought, I could just turn up I guess! Would be interesting to see if she has any reaction to that.

Next time you're made aware of a meeting or something by another colleague, reply to that email, CCing everyone in the meeting or email chain and say "thanks [name] for forwarding the invite/email. [Name of annoying colleague], this is my email address, I think you may have me saved incorrectly or mistyping as its been noted by the team I've been missed off a few invites/emails. No worries, it happens."

Failing that, do call a private meeting just between the 2 of you and just ask her. I had a colleague that wasn't working well with me in the past. He ended up calling me out on my behaviour towards him which I was actually totally oblivious to! Turns out we just both were misunderstanding each other communication styles. We get on fine now and had some close roles since.

I would purposely cc everyone relative to the project on all my dealings with her by email. If you ask questions give her a 'I need a reply by x' then everyone can see her replies.
If she misses you off an invite list - send an update to all involved in the project asking that you are included on any further meetings about x as your attendance and input is required to make decisions regarding x.
If it persists and she ignores you, I'd send another email to your manager and the project manager saying you are finding the comms about meetings/information sharing regarding this project are falling short.