To wonder what is dangerous about my child’s lunch

[NameChangeAK]

I received a message from school today saying my child’s lunch contained a prohibited item and to please review the policy “as there are children with severe allergies and it’s dangerous not to comply”

I don’t usually provide packed lunches - DC has school meals, but they did like todays meal options.

Ive responded and asked what the item was but waiting for a response, but I’m confused - it’s clearly a nut free school but I can’t see anything else anywhere about other banned foods

the packed lunch contained:

• ham sandwich (with butter) on brown bread
• apple
• frube (strawberry flavour)
• carton of own brand apple juice
• Pepperami
• babybel

any ideas what could be the problem or Aibu to think they’ve mistaken the ham as peanut butter or something ridiculous?

Don’t worry
nothing at all wrong with what you have put in there, we all have different views on what we eat

That's ridiculous.

We had our first bake sale recently, 6yo carries epipens for a peanut allergy but eats may contains etc and it's generally very manageable.

I spoke to her teacher about the school's policy, she said the staff had been asked to make some allergy friendly goods so she could steer DD to that table if we liked. Great, and very very good of the staff. The vast majority of bake sale stuff would be fine for DD but with home made stuff there's always the risk that someone had peanut butter for lunch and didn't wipe down the counter properly.

Otherwise, her teacher has a bag of safe treats we have provided that she doles out any time there's a question mark over what the other DC are eating.

All easily and safely sorted without drama or draconian bans.

(DD came home with two top hats, delighted with herself.)

I think this is all getting a bit nuts. I had some kid in my DDs preschool who was allergic to bread. They decided that might be a step too far, but in that case the whole thing is actually completely arbitrary. Why should no child eat a yoghurt because one child has an allergy?

This is the most Mumsnet response I've ever seen. It also isn't helpful or true as the school did not disapprove, it was an allergy. Saying 'in the kindest possible way' before your advice does not change the fact that this is unsolicited advice.

Op. It wouldn't have occurred to me not to send a frube and school should have told you in advance. Poor communication. Yanbu

It's not a ban on yoghurt, it's a ban on frubes which are more likely to be squirted around (accidentally or on purpose!) and so more likely to cause a contact reaction (which can be anaphylaxis for some) than a yoghurt eaten with a spoon from a pot.

It's actually a really sensible step to allow dairy but ban specific products that are higher risk but easily substituted. But terrible communication from the school not to have done a whole school announcement on the matter.

I agree that UPF are not that great, but I spent many years worrying about whether the odd KitKat broke the "no chocolate rule" and giving toddlers only water or milk for them to get to secondary school where they bring in sniffer dogs to check the lockers for drugs and the toilets are no go unless you want to smoke or vape! School dinners are so awful (soggy pizza) that most won't touch them. Not sure what my point is but the pearl clutching over a wholemeal sandwich and a babybel seems OTT.

Oh and this is not a sink school, this is the most over subscribed in the county.

Good job it wasnt your lunch then isnt it?

Likewise... our school always has a stash of chocolate buttons for DS1 (peanut allergy) for when children used to bring in cakes for their birthday. He quite liked the special treatment I think! Also they have always explained to the kids even from very young (he's been there since aged 3) about allergies and the kids look out for each other.

Our school is really good actually. I've had more than a few phone calls where a teacher has read out the list of ingredients of something brought in or given on residentials etc. We have been super lucky with our school, bless them all.

I think all this healthy eating as gone too far.
If schools and some parents dont stop and look at what they are doing to children some kids are going to have eating disorders in the future.
Food will become a fear for some.

Off topic but I am pissing myself at "cubes of gruyère". Couldn't just be cheddar, could it!

Ours too. DD is delighted with her allergy because she gets to go to the front of the queue for school dinners.

And the wee boy in her class who struggles with his behaviour insisted that his mum buy safe sweets for the DC with allergies when he was bringing in birthday cake for everyone else. What a sweetheart!

Our after school club deserve a shout out too - DD can be wary about trusting adults other than us to read ingredients on unfamiliar products, even though we tell her that the staff at ASC are to be trusted. So they text me every time she asks, and also let her bring treats home to eat here if she prefers - and often send an extra one for DC2 to save us the rows.

Most people are great,

YOU'D FEED YOUR CHILD CHEDDAR?! SHAME ON YOU.

This. If the risk is so high they need to be more forthcoming in what the problem was, or at least keep their website updated.

No parent wants to put a child at risk, but you've got to tell us what to fix, not just fanny about with "prohibited item" and generic letters.
It's one thing to say "your child did not have the right PE kit", quite another to be told your actions could potentially have resulted in a child becoming seriously ill.

Off topic but it clearly hasn’t, as the levels of obesity in this country indicate. Not that I am agreeing with those picking apart OP’s lunchbox!

Sorry to derail, but on the UPF bread discussion, I asked for a bread maker for Christmas because I wanted to try and reduce how much processed food my kids ate. We haven’t bought any bread since (Granted we’ve bought a lot of flour and yeast 😆)! It’s crazily easy to just chuck in the ingredients the night before, set a timer and wake to fresh bread and that delicious smell wafting through the house. If anyone is looking to reduce UPFs I honestly couldn’t recommend a bread maker enough. It means we eat less of it now too as it’s more quality than quantity.

Ps promise I don’t work for a breadmaker company 😂

Yes it's definitely hard to enforce fully but their criteria seems to be "anything in brightly coloured packaging", particularly convenience, snack-food style products. So definitely no crisps, salty snacks, cereal bars, biscuits, Peperami, snack packs etc. DD once took a pre-packaged set of cream cheese with mini breadsticks (which imo isn't a true UPF) and it was taken away from her.

Exceptions are made for deli meat inside sandwiches and (obviously) bread, crackers or crispbread since nobody is going to be making their own crackers at home. Babybels are ok since it's basically a chunk of cheese but they don't approve of brightly coloured kids yoghurts or pouches. Chocolate and sweets are definitely no-gos, including homemade cakes or desserts.

It's not that hard to get around the rules though...I sometimes just remove the packaging at home and cut things up so it looks more homemade 😂. Put cream cheese, apple sauce or yoghurt in my own containers. I also pack the box with a lot of fruit or veg so it looks healthy at first glance and they're less likely to care if there're a few pretzels or tortilla chips on the side. Luckily there aren't any allergy restrictions so nuts, soy and dairy are fine.

What about if you get a plane and there's a child on the plane with an allergy? Are all other passengers banned from eating things they like eating?

Yes, that’s exactly what should happen. People are asked not to consume their little packet of peanuts for a few hours in order to prevent another person dying. Mind blowing isn’t it. Yet there’s often someone like you who thinks their “right to eat whatever I like” outweighs someone else’s right to stay alive. Shame on you.

That's mad @ButteryBiscuitVase but I like your passive defiance strategies.

Given me nostalgic memories for the stunt apple I used to put in DS1's lunchbox every day. That apple was for teacher-inspection purposes only. Would travel back and forth until I would eat it myself on friday with some cheese.

😂😂 my DH does this with apples! I usually end up eating it after it’s been back and forth with him for a week (I don’t make his lunchbox btw)

I travel alot with DS by plane. You are advised to tell the cabin staff upon boarding and they then do a PA announcement asking people to not consume nuts. (DS's allergy is airborne and although he can go about his life and go into shops etc the filtered air on a plane is potentially a problem).

IME cabin staff have been brilliant as well. Last thing they want is someone going into anaphylaxis in the air.

It shouldn't have an impact on those with no allergies since it doesn't need to. It unfortunately already has an impact on the with allergies since they have the allergy. Your argument is that the nut allergic child has to comply with all allergy rules if in the allergy eating area (which they personally benefit from) and so as a result every other person in the school should also comply with all allergy rules because that's "only fair". It makes no sense at all. It doesn't benefit the nut allergic child if the other children have to comply (even though there is a solution with less impact), you're just asking for them to be restricted because the nut allergic child is restricted in the name of so called "fairness".

Separate rooms does in any event spread information about allergies. These children have allergies and therefore they eat their lunch in the other part of the dining hall/classroom G26 etc because otherwise they could be exposed to something harmful. The children would all know this.

To your other post also responding on the same comment, it is positive discrimination to allow these children to eat in a separate safe environment for them. Just the same as you have argued that its positive discrimination for my sen child to be taken away from their classmates to do some lessons in a different room with other sen children. I could easily argue the opposite and say that my child is being singled out and treated as different when he already has enough difficulty being accepted by the other children and that he should be given support in the normal classroom.

Or if I wanted to be particularly provocative I could argue that they should all go at his pace..

Actually Im realistic and sensible and I understand that my child has to spend his whole life dealing with his particular issues so he needs to get used to this and that it isn't realistic or fair to expect others to be adversely impacted because of his unfortunate situation.

Nobody disputes that children with serious allergies need to be in a safe environment. But there are ways of doing this that are more sensible and pragmatic than expecting every child in the school to comply with a series of allergy requirements.

I think all this healthy eating as gone too far.
If schools and some parents dont stop and look at what they are doing to children some kids are going to have eating disorders in the future.
Food will become a fear for some.

Off topic but it clearly hasn’t, as the levels of obesity in this country indicate. Not that I am agreeing with those picking apart OP’s lunchbox!

Obesity can be caused by an eating disorder.

Forbidden foods, restricted diets, obsessive parents etc may lead to an adult who, when allowed to choose for themselves, has really mucked up notions of what is a healthy diet and a healthy way to eat.

@user09876543 I don't think you've read @Rumors1 's posts - she doesn't advocate for any bans, but for inclusion and sensible mitigation.

Also, @Rumors1 's posts and suggestions are in line with expert recommendations from charities like Allergy UK.

Yeah I totally get that, but to say ‘healthy eating has gone too far,’ is a stretch! Healthy eating to me is not just consuming healthy food, but having a healthy relationship with it. My kids are allowed to eat anything (except Coke I draw the line there!) but seriously we don’t have banned foods etc. just try to focus on being healthy and never ever mention weight or body shape to them (coming from someone whose mother has had an eating disorder/unhealthy obsession with weight basically my whole life).

gosh, I'd forgotten how bad our primary was about introducing rules, telling no-one, not publishing them, and then laying into us when we broke them. FFS