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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say that the result doesn't equate to amount of effort put in?

6 replies

lollydu · 22/04/2024 19:45

Sorry I'll try to keep this brief but just interested in others views.

Cooking dinner today, for a couple of reasons it was a complete fail. Probably worth mentioning that I struggle a bit with my executive function and it was to do with timings and forgetting to get something out of the freezer and one ingredient didn't come out as well defrosted in the microwave.

My daughter was being very sweet and saying to me "doesn't matter mummy I know you tried your best" and my partner raised his eyebrows and laughed and said something along the lines of "she definitely didn't as the meal was not her best". I was pretty indignant and argued that I never set out to cook a shitty meal, I always go into it trying my best and that the amount of effort you put in doesn't always directly correlate with the end result. Is that fair to say? Or do I have it wrong? I would hate for him to say to our kids if they get a low mark at school that it's because they didn't put the effort in when they may well have done but fell short. I do understand however that hard work has more of a chance of yielding good results, but it's not always the case. He thinks that because the meal was crap it's because I didn't put the effort in. When in fact I was trying out a new recipe and made a couple of mistakes that I wouldn't do again in hindsight but my full attention was on what I was doing, I wasn't scrolling on my phone at the same time or trying to hang washing out and cook at the same time, if that had been the case I would happily agree I could have put more effort in. Likewise I could have been doing that and been distracted, but somehow everything go great and by fluke the meal could have been amazing and by my partners logic that would mean I had tried my best. I am illogically irritated by this and need a second opinion!

OP posts:
NewName24 · 22/04/2024 23:48

and that the amount of effort you put in doesn't always directly correlate with the end result. Is that fair to say?

Yes, that's fair

BUT

and my partner raised his eyebrows and laughed and said something along the lines of "she definitely didn't as the meal was not her best".

I think the thing you should be focusing on here is the way your "d"h was speaking to you. Even more so, speaking to / about you in front of your dd. Hmm

loropianalover · 22/04/2024 23:59

Sounds like it’s not really about the effort that went into dinner but more about how DH spoke to you. Does he put you down often?

Sadtimesnow · 23/04/2024 14:15

DP is wrong about effort/result and he’s also rude. My DH is not perfect but he would never find fault with what I’ve cooked for him. It’s basic manners and respect.

steppemum · 23/04/2024 14:24

Basic rule in our house is that you don't criticise the dinner or the cook.

It is just basic manners really, and your dh's remark was hurtful and rude.

It is one thing to say - oh dear, well it was a new recipe, maybe next time it will work better. and quite another thing to say you didn't bother.

aLFIESMA · 23/04/2024 15:33

Your partner was rude and hurtful, making you feel as if it's not worth trying, but it's the trying again and again that helps your skills! I too am not the best cook but don't have to put up with that silly rubbish! Very petty, did he feel nice and smug -Mr Perfect?

lollydu · 23/04/2024 19:16

Thanks for your thoughts everyone - yes he is often rude to me and we often fight about things like this but he doesn't realise his tone and remarks are rude. I have been trying to pull him up on his rudeness which is why we often have heated discussions about stuff like this.

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