Taking advantage of elderly neighbour?

[waterbabys]

One of my neighbours is getting on a bit so about twice a month max I do her online shopping order and help put it away. She always insists I get something to 'treat' myself, I do try to say no but I know it makes her feel better about accepting my help, so I usually get a cheap bottle of wine (like £5/6, I'm not fussy!). This has been going on a while, maybe since covid, with pauses while I was pregnant & such.

Anyway, her son found out I've been doing this recently (I didn't know she hadn't told him, I really didn't think it was a big deal, if anything I thought he'd be pleased!), and he went mad, accused me of taking advantage of his mum and that I've essentially stolen £5 a month from a pensioner over the last few years. I apologised and said I wouldn't do it anymore but happy to continue to help her, but the whole thing has really upset me. I'm devastated that he thinks I was doing this for personal gain. I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in case they think I'm some kind of wrong un. AIBU???

I’d just back away from the situation

but I’d be wary of blaming him entirely old people can be a nightmare say one thing and do another
I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d been complaining to him about it

I don't think you did anything wrong, however if I was in the same situation and I genuinely didn't want rewarding for my time but the person insisted then I would choose a much smaller item that cost very little, £1 bar of chocolate or similar mainly because i'd be worried about looking like I was ripping them off!

If that is the case, then the OP is best off out of it.

The son has behaved very badly here and I hope OP goes round to tell her what he’s said and leaves all shopping and care to him. He clearly will do everything just perfectly.

That's guilt for you. How did he find out, did his mum tell him or is he looking through her orders and receipts. Either way I would feel uncomfortable now but the mum needs to intervene and tell him to stop being so ungracious. Help her in other ways if you want, never accept gifts or money but be careful, blood is thicker than water.

Tell him to do it himself then. Surely his mum told I’m why?

I'd go round there, tell her you don't feel it's appropriate to do shopping anymore, if he is there just say its for the best. Don't get into a mum vs son debate, she will need to make alternative arrangements, most of the supermarkets offer to bring it in for elderly customers.

I did a lot of errands for my mum. Shopping, admin and medical appointments which really seemed to rack up when I retired she insisted that I take some money each week. Would have cost her a heck of a lot more if she had hired someone to do all this. I also took her out for coffee a lot!