Parents arguments bringing awkwardness to the house

[Howblueisthesky]

My parents have come to stay with us. My dad had quit smoking for a few months and then my mum caught him smoking in our garden this morning. Now she’s angry with him and they’ve not been speaking. The atmosphere is awful in the house and when I took out for coffee this morning and no one spoke. My dad is moody with my Dd, 5 also, which doesn’t seem fair.
We’re all due to go out for dinner tonight, with Dh too after work, really don’t fancy sitting in an awkward mood for a few hours and feel it’s unfair on Dh and Dd

I remember being pregnant and v anxious-extremely high risk pregnancy after 9 years of infertility and treatments and my mum spending most of her time telling me awful things about my dad, his anxiety and all the stresses they had, I remember my blood pressure and anxiety rising as I spent most of my time worrying about them.

Yes - I remember how hard I worked not to let this sort of atmosphere develop in my marriage and with my children. It is hard not to sometimes when you are feeling cross with your husband.

*To NOT be the same with Dh at times

Now my dad is upstairs in the spare room (where they are sleeping) listening to music and not coming down, it’s ridiculous

Blimey they are worse than moody teenagers. Tell him to grow up!

@Harvestfestivalknickers I know!

Leave them at home and go for a meal and enjoy!

Urgh. How unpleasant.

I would probably get them out of my head for now.

Take your mum at her word re: the promise of no awkward silences.

Let your dad sulk for a bit.

Leave them to it.

Get on with your day.

Be neutral and polite. Go with the expectation that tonight will be fine. Don't anticipate bad behaviour. Actually, don't anticipate anything.

(Come back after and let us know if shit went down and we can advise your next steps!)

Deep breaths!

You've challenged your mum on it - What's to stop you challenging your dad on it too?

This is an unnecessarily formal and odd way to speak to anyone...

@Heartoverhead1 Even harder to talk to him about these things unfortunately

...Although if your dad pulls the moody stuff with your DD, just say to him "we talk kindly to each other in this house".

And then ask your DD a nice positive or fun question or silly question...(would you rather have wings like a fairy or ears like an elephant...Why? That's funny...I'd rather.....)

This way you model how you talk and you don't leave the admonishment hanging.

(If he's stroppy after that, kick them out!)

Feign a migraine and call off the meal and get a takeaway in.

This.

Who actually talks like that..

Send your husband up to your dad to ask him what's going on? He could ask him whether he wants to come or whether he'd rather have a takeaway at home on his own.

Send them both back to theirs, unless they are willing to sort it for your dd and DH. No ifs or buts.

Then, cancel the dinner.
job done!