Grievance - please hold my hand

[Pumptheflump]

I have opened grievance against my boss. He is a bully and has discriminated against me because of a disability, my age (late 40's) and that I'm a mother.

I had my grievance meeting last week with HR, investigating manager and union. I was told that under no circumstances should he be in contact with me or be managing me while this is being investigated. I have woken this morning to work related emails that he has sent to me to my private email address! I feel so shaken and upset that he has done this. I got these emails as I woke up and checked my phone and now I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

He has been bullying, intimidating and humiliating me for the last 6 months since we have worked together and he makes me feel very unsafe.

Do I need to get a grip and get over this or is this natural? I don't feel I can go into work today I'm scared to let my cover manager know what the reason is because I'm not allowed to discuss the grievance.

There are a number of outcomes for the grievance, it will either be upheld or not upheld. In order to do this there will be an investigating where you, your manager and others will be involved interviewed, and communications looked at. Each allegations in the grievance will be looked at, and a decision made.

Any allegations that are upheld will have actions against them, which could be any number of things, could be re-training, could be mediation.

The allegations, if any are upheld, the manager could get a verbal or written warning, or depending on your organisation policy could be dismissed - but this would only be for gross misconduct.

OP, you absolutely MUST say to HR 'I believe this is also a breach of GDPR'. It's very bad for the company to have a GDPR breach so they may try to sweep it under the rug otherwise. Make a fuss, but in a terribly polite-yet-firm way.

This!!

I've been involved in a couple of grievances (helping a team member who had a grievance against another member of staff) and I am a big fan of letting a person 'unravel themselves'.

If feeling under pressure or threatened, sometimes the bully hands you the evidence you need! It sounds very much like this has happened here.

Don't engage or reply, just forward them to HR and your union rep.

It might be hard to see but to me, this looks like a good thing. The bully is doing exactly what he's been told not to do and he's putting himself in a very precarious position.

That’s brilliant.

Never interrupt your enemy whilst he is making a mistake

Oh I like this. I needed this line badly in my last job, shortly before I left. I'm going to remember it in case I ever need it again.

OP, you've done nothing wrong, your bullying boss just himself in the foot and probably broke GDPR too.

Stay strong.

As PP have said, I think you boss has just handed you a great big piece of ammunition! Don’t reply or engage with him, get straight on to HR, mentioning the GDPR issue. If he chases you for a response after this, simply reply calmly and politely that he should discuss the matter with HR (but also note the time, date, tone of the approach e.g. it will be a further point against him if he uses swearing or sexist language) so that if he doesn’t contact HR you can still give details of this approach in any further discussions).
I do empathise with your situation and hope you win through

Have you forwarded the emails to the HR team that are dealing with your grievance?

Straight to HR and the investigating manager. Send them the emails and ask for a meeting to discuss this breach of protocol by your manager.

it reflects very badly on the manager and strengthens your case. Try to keep that in mind x

Screenshot them all, send them straight to HR, do not engage with him.

I can imagine this is distressing for you but he’s really done you a favour there hasn’t he. Keep reporting everything he does and in the mean time start practising meditation and invest in the book overcoming low self esteem. I say that based on the assumption this experience has knocked yours in some way so sorry if my assumption is wrong. The book is an absolute game changer.

OP I am sorry you are feeling so stressed about this. It must be a very difficult process for you but please just try to step back and be proud that you had the courage to deal with this bullying and to escalate it so it can be dealt with. He has done you a huge favour by overstepping like this. Bullies are at their worst and most irrational when they feel that they are losing control. I would feel pleased that this is playing out like this and that his judgement is so impaired. Your wellbeing and health are so much more important than this nasty idiot and that's what to focus on💐

Contact your union rep and HR immediately.

DO NOT LEAVE IT.

Sending hugs.

Take some deep breaths. First of all well done for taking action to stop this man bullying and intimidating you. Forward the emails to HR and inform them that he's sending them to your personal email. Do not respond to him. Go into work and let HR deal with it. He is shooting himself the foot by continuing to contact you when he's been told not to.

I’m so sorry he has made this situation worse for you.

The investigating manager and HR need to be made aware.

I hope the investigation is fair and you can feel safe at work in future. You’ve done the right thing in using the policies that are there to protect you.

I raised a similar grievance and 5 other middle aged women left the organisation I worked for due to a culture of bullying and micromanagement by the man in question. I had a restorative meeting but essentially the report went in his favour as the person writing wasn’t impartial. I left a few months later and haven’t looked back.

Good luck.

How are you OP? Has he sent further emails? Have you told HR?