AIBU to partner?

[Peachsmasher]

AIBU - We lost our baby/dd during fourth month of pregnancy as they were unwell. It was a completely transformative experience, I was very depressed for some time, and has been a tough road back to 'normal'.

The baby was due in May and myself, my dh and our two year old dd had planned to go away to somewhere we love for the weekend - I thought to spend time together and remember/mark the loss of our dd.

But at the house of my partner's friends this evening - it became apparent my dh has planned to spend the day our little one was supposed to be born with this friend of his and their family (as they happen to be spending the weekend in the same place as us).

I felt really disillusioned and let down. I really wanted my partner to advocate for our loss and understand we needed this time together.

I feel really upset - but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

What do you think?

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

Did you tell your dh you wanted to all spend that particular day together and he’s now made other plans? It’s not quite clear from your post.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. A trip a way to honor the occasion is very lovely idea.

Have you discussed this with DH? Is he planning to spend time with his friend and you or by himself? My DH used to have a little habit of arranging plans which he thought I’d love without consulting me. It came from a loving place, which this maybe also. Did you already have plans for your weekend? Best this to do is discuss it with him.

I don't think you're being unreasonable in terms of what you want from the weekend. But I also think that without you talking to him about it, it's not as simple to say that he's being unreasonable - unless he's planning on spending the day with your friends without you? I think that would unreasonable on any weekend away, to just make plans to disappear for a day, but especially so on this weekend.