Am I mean for not inviting elderly parents on holiday?

[Needsomesun24]

Hi, for background- I'm single in my (very!) late 30s. I travel alone for a couple of city breaks a year. I don't live with my elderly parents but spend a lot of time at their house (e.g. I've been staying with them this weekend)- not just to help with household jobs but because I get along really well with them and enjoy their company. Every time I mention that I've booked a trip my Dad makes me feel guilty by saying that I should be taking my mother (and by default him) with me. We've holidayed together many times in the past but it's become difficult in recent years due to some health issues my mum has- she tires quickly and has quite specific dietary requirements makes eating out quite stressful. After yet another comment from my dad today I'm feeling guilty about not inviting either of them on my next trip. Am I being mean? In all honesty, I just want to chill out and not worry about anyone else on holiday.

There are three of us, we used to take her away in rotation ,all went well and then it started, Oooh I would quite like to see Ronda, the following year to my sister who had three under five, I hear Granada is well worth a visit…All our addlers were under ten all they wanted was the pool, the independence for the older ones to wander off for ice cream and cheesy puffs. (They didn’t know we could spy on them over the pool wall practically.😂

Something broke the cycle (can’t remember what) (and we were on the bones for about three years. A few years and good bonus later and we booked a much loved favourite, I said I am not looking forward to that hill, 45 ish ….

She said oh I am sure I will manage it…….😱70 with a pacemaker who couldn’t walk the length of her self without coming over all unnecessary/

Well actually Mum it is a moot point because we are going on our own, the children just want the pool, the sea and ice cream.

The atmosphere was glacial for weeks.

Then after my father died, she and her choir ladies, formed a holiday group called the Merry Widows, because she was last into the group she just had to roll with the punches, it was interesting to watch.

Maybe consider a cruise, they are very good at catering for dietary needs & they’d have the choice of getting off at each port to explore or stay onboard whilst you go off on your own.

Surely you say that's great df you book something on xxx dates and I will come... Why do you need to sort everything and pay?

You enjoy their company and they want to go away with you. Just go. They're elderly and you get along well. I don't think having to think about dietary restrictions should stop you, that sounds petty and selfish to be honest (sorry).

You think it's petty and selfish for someone in their late 30s who visits their DPs every single weekend, to have their own holidays that they enjoy?
I think it's selfish of the DF to make OP feel guilty about living her own life. He should be encouraging her to explore and see the world.

I tell DPs very little about our holidays any more. DM is good because she says we should enjoy ourselves while we can, but DF just moans about the fact he can't travel any more. They are too old to take away and when we did take them for a long UK weekend when DS was young, it was an absolute nightmare.

Yeah, it’s being made to feel selfish that annoys me. I don’t visit every weekend by the way but quite a lot compared to others my age- I’ll spend every third weekend at their place usually with a Friday or Monday tacked on either WFH or annual leave.

DF has never encouraged me to do anything independently, it’s a miracle that I managed to move out - we are South Asian which might explain a few things.

Cruise could be a good idea. Parents can stay on board or do orgainised trips while you explore.

My df (parents late 80s) likes to 'treat' me and dh to a week away every year to Kent., Lovely idea, vey kind of him. The reality is that I basically spend a week being my mums carer, cooking etc, its NOT a holiday for me, its hard bloody work, they are both pretty immobile, one is deaf as a post, we have to accommodate my DF and his very bland but enormous appetite , so a week of me cooking or pub meals.

I do it because I love them, it gives them a very welcome change of scene which I think is good for them but honestly, do I enjoy it? NO, I come home stressed and knackered and looking forward to our holiday alone!

Is SAGA still a thing? I’d see if you can find something like that and wave them off on their own OP.