Hi, I'm not really sure where to start. My dad and I have a very contentious relationship. My mum died just before my 12th birthday, the day before she died he tried to force through getting married to her. It didn't happen as she was so unwell but I have vivid memories of her bedroom filled with loads of people. I later found out this was all in the name of money. He wanted to inherit her pension instead of my half-brother and I. From there it's him spending the money I did inherit, buying stuff for his many girlfriends, leaving me on my own overnight from 14 to stay at his girlfriends. Bringing his girlfriend of less than a month on holiday with us when I was 14 for 10 days. Getting engaged on my 16th birthday at my birthday dinner. All of this matched with the guilt trip of "you don't want me to be alone forever do you" if I ever said I wasn't comfortable.
We stayed in a council house, when I turned 16 he effectively moved out and stayed with his fiancee he'd come check on me once a fortnight or so and paid the rent. I was doing an apprenticeship. My boyfriend stayed with me most nights but I felt forgotten.
At 19 I had my first baby, another at 21 and my last baby last year at 23. He doesn't bother with them, both of his partners kids have children and he sees all of them more than my kids. I take the kids to him once a month on Sundays. Usually I go to my grandparents first spend an hour or so with them then go to my dads. Today was that Sunday. We arrived at 11 left at 1, we would usually stay longer but his partners son came with his 4 kids and my partner, my kids and myself were effectively ignored. The kids got nervous and just sat on my knee/partners knee. I wish I could say this is a one time thing, but it's not it happens every time.
He lives 30 minutes away, in the year I've lived in our new house he's been twice! Once when we moved in and in February before our kids birthday party.
On the flip we have my partners parents, they are incredible. They help with childcare, in fact his mum changed her work hours to be able to cover childcare, we didn't ask her she said she wanted to as she loved having them. They even sold houses and moved to the same village as us to help! We have dinner there once a week, we go on holiday with them to centre parcs once a year. They bought all our furniture for us, his mum and I go for lunch together every month. I've been with my partner since I was 16 and he was 20. His mum has been my rock since day one! She's incredible.
Now I know what we have with my partners parents is very rare but I can't help but feeling like my dad doesn't even try or really care? He's never apologised for my teen years, he acts like it never happened!
I mentioned to my partner and he said we should just stop going to see them, if he wants to he can put effort in but we've done our part and it's been thrown in our face time and time again. Would this be unreasonable? I hate burning bridges, my mum didn't talk to her mum for a few months over something silly and then died. I know my grandma feels awful about that. But I feel like we've done our part? AIBU?