Life is crucifying me

[Lucylou07]

I work six days a week. Husband does too. Four bed semi (three beds but a converted loft) in the south. We have one child with SEN, fairly high needs (think violence, trashing rooms, anxiety, having to dress him, refusal for hair cuts) and will soon be going to a special school, and another child, who bless him, we try not to neglect but he is fairly independent as far as six year olds go.

We don't go out. We do free activities with the kids. We don't buy costly snacks (one child is gluten free so it would cost the earth!). We don't really buy clothes and if we do it's second hand. No flashy cars.

But we just don't have an awful lot of money. This house is probably too expensive for our income but we've only just moved here and our SEN child is so much more settled.

Working six days a week and looking after him is breaking my mental health though. I'm permanently tired and have gained a lot of weight.

I don't even know what my aibu is....
Aibu to be finding this hard?

The big house will soon become a millstone around your neck, we bought our big house 15 years ago and are moving asap because the running costs (rather than the mortgage) are crippling us. Have you done a winter in the house yet? Gas and electric to keep us all warm and dry for the last couple of years has cost an eye-watering amount!
The bathroom really needs replacing but we were quoted £2500 just for basic cheap ish tiles, decorators quote thousands because of the size of the rooms etc. We need a bigger more expensive boiler to heat all of the radiators, guess what? They cost much more than a regular boiler!
Of course you could do these yourself but how likely is it considering your children's issues and you are working 6 days pw?
If you have only just moved and you are struggling to afford the house now (on 2 x 6 day pw incomes and dla) what will happen when you eventually both burn out and can't work so much? I did a second Job for years to try and keep us going, I regret every second, we should have thrown the towel in sooner but my husband lived our house so I kept going🙄
I don't think you can afford the luxury of a bedroom each, much better to start looking for somewhere else now that would work than have your hand forced when you can no longer work enough hours to cover mounting costs.

How 'soon' will your child be able to go to his special needs school?

That will make such a big difference to your life. You will be able to sit quietly for five minutes alone without worrying or being in edge, and that in itself will be amazing.

You could resume your studies as if you leave it too long you'll never go back. So I'd suggest doing that as soon as you can.

Depending on what it is it can mean relearning stuff as new info is discovered and courses updated accordingly - happened to a friend as biology info got updated so she had to practically start from scratch again in her medical studies as she had a four year break and couldn't therefore pick up where she left off.

It will hopefully be good for him and tire him out too so when he comes home he may not be so energetic when you are both tired after working all day. That's how it is for a seven year old I know.

The authorities really really need to do something about care and the sen situation as there just don't seem to be enough facilities to make sure all sen children have the save care provision as other children. Patents are burning out.

I hope things work out for you. I was studying too and I think it broke me

If you need to live in that house, can you reduce the mortgage payments by paying over the longest possible term? Have you done a comparison calculator to see what your situation would look like if one of you dropped hours to become DCs carer? Turn2us has a good calculator to try out different scenarios. Are you or DH entitled to PIP?

So now I've actually taken a breath and regulated, we are doing ok with our two jobs - we can afford to live. One of husbands job is a new business and stands to be very lucrative once established. I believe things will be ok.
My second job is also a break from the children and is only about ten hours a week.

Child should hopefully go to special school some time after October. His needs are quite significant and it's desperately sad that he has fallen through the net. I'm so pleased we moved him to his current school as they have gotten the ball moving.

I’m glad you are doing better, a special school should help and take away some pressure.

Have you looked into respite? Even on night a week would help you as a family.