Giving boundaries for half term

[rainingcatsandogs]

DH's family live a good 4 hours away from us. DH has also got May half term booked as annual leave. I am working. He is thinking of going to visit his family for a few days and taking DD (5) with him. I have said that I won't go with him as I will be working that week as I need to save some leave to take 3 weeks off in the school summer holidays.

I have no issue with my FIL and MIL and get on fine with them. SIL, however, is another story. DH has already said about DD going for a sleepover at SIL's house. I am very against this for a number of reasons, namely because of some things she has said to DD when Ive not been present, such as it would have been better if mummy (me) hadn't made the trip with you to see us all and how she was her other mummy (confused DD). I don't want her with DD unsupervised, but realise I can't be there on the trip.

I have spoken to DH about this, but he doesn't quite see it from my viewpoint. I have cut all ties with SIL and only speak to her now unless I absolutely have to after a string of comments and trying to break our marriage up.

I can't stop DH from going and I wouldn't stop him from visit, but it does make me feel very uncomfortable that SIL may have unsupervised access to DD. AIBU?

I don't think you can do much about it, other than tell DP you don't want it to happen. In the end, he is an equal parent, and he can make a different decision to you

I'd be saying to dh that sil does not have dd alone and she does not go for sleepovers. I think that's middle ground when he goes and visits his family

To be honest I think you’re well within your right to put the boundary in place that she isn’t allowed her unsupervised. You’re not stopping the visit but just because he visits doesn’t mean she gets to have a sleepover with crazy aunt. It’s not mutually exclusive and I would say that if he’s insisting on the visit with SIL, then no, I’m not happy with it.

Difficulty I have is everyone panders to SIL and makes excuses for her behaviour and the things she says. I don’t want DD to be told things about me as they can all close rank quickly.

I don't think your DD will take any comments as seriously as you might think.

Lots of people have a batshit aunt and it looks like she's no exception.

As you grow up, you kind of learn to live with it.