To be worried he'll be bitten again

[Rosebel]

Okay hope this makes sense. One of the women I work with has a DD a bit younger than my DS. She invited us and some other people we work with, with similar age children to her DDs birthday party yesterday.
I wasn't too sure about going as DS has additional needs and can get overwhelmed. I spoke to the host and she said it fine if we left early.
Anyway went to the party and another parent from work was there. Her child bites, a lot and unprovoked so I was a bit on edge.
It all went fine and DS was doing really well. I went to the toilet and hear a blood curdling scream and I dash back to see this child's teeth clamped on his arm.
Now we all work in a nursery so I know it happens and I know it happens quickly but honestly I was so angry.
The child's mum did apologise to me and I said don't worry but I'm still cross. DS has a huge bruise on his arm which I will have to explain at nursery tomorrow.
But I feel really angry still and know I'm going to feel arkward around mum tomorrow. To make it worse currently DS and her DD are in different rooms but tomorrow she's doing a settle iin DS's room.
I just don't feel comfortable sending him in
DH can keep him home tomorrow but not long term. I know this child does have certain children she goes for and I'm going to be constantly on edge now.
Shout I talk to nursery? Hope for the best? Just go sick and remove him from nursery?
YABU leave it and stay at nursery
YANBU talk to the nursery and move him if he gets bitten repeatedly

Surely the nursery have something in place to deal with children who bite? They cannot just let a child randomly bite other children. What is the parent doing to discourage this behaviour?

You can't go sick and keep your child out of nursery, that is not sustainable.
Nursery should have a plan for this. Speak to them.

Talk to nursery and ask them to watch her and DS...the nursery has a duty of care towards your child in their care

Take him in, show them the massive bruise and ask what they are going to do to ensure it can’t happen again. I would say the same to the mother!

You can't go sick and remove him from nursery. You need a proper long term plan. Talk to the nursery staff about your concerns or look into different nurseries.

How old are they exactly? 18 months vs 4yo? Some children do go through a biting phase, which while is part of normal development, does of course cause instinctive revulsion. The key here is how is it being dealt with by the parents and nursery?

I wouldn’t keep my child away from nursery but I would let them know that your DC was bitten by this child (hence explaining the bruise), and can they keep a watch please. It could be a one-off incident, but if it happens again then the nursery need to be shadowing this child and dealing with it swiftly, as should the parents too.

My DS was bitten twice at nursery (age 3-4) by different children and it was a one-off incident in both cases. However, a friend’s child bit for years as he was never reprimanded whatsoever. He clearly thought my child was his own personal chew toy so I had to end the friendship, as my friend thought he was super cute no matter what he did. My point being - although being bitten is awful, there is a difference between a one-off incident and a child repeatedly targeting your child.

Explain the bruise to nursery and tell them it's this girl who did it. They can then keep an eye on her carefully.
They have a duty of care towards your DS and you've now warned them about this situation/girl so I'd expect them to be all over it

She is 3 and DS is 4 in July. I know the nursery don't have the staff to shadow her. I have been in the same room as her (not usually) and seen that it's usually just a random bite.
I know there's only so much nursery can do and I know children bite but it's such a nasty bruise and I can't help thinking I was out of the room for a minute could this DDs mum not have watched her for that period of time ( given I watching DS the rest of the time).
He's leaving nursery this term anyway, I'm just wondering if I should let him leave earlier?

Your child shouldnt be punished for another child biting him, its a punishment for him if hes segregated (kept away). Take pic on your phone of bruise... tell nursery about the incident, and that you are leaving your child in their care and to keep eye out for other child.

You think it’s ok to pretend to be sick and remove your child from nursery all because of something that happens at every nursey? What are you going to do when he goes to school and gets a football kicked at him? Go to school and burst all the balls? Quit your job forever to stand outside the school gates? Come on op. Not healthy. Have you sought counselling?

Theres nothing wrong with being protective over our children, if other parents were as on it about their child's behaviour these instances would be minimum. I dont think its best to keep child home because thats, in essence, punishing the child who has been hurt, let nursery know and to watch that child who is biting also show injury and take picture now so you have record OP.

Getting hit by a football is totally different to a child sinking their teen in to his arm. I don't need any counselling thanks.
If you had a child who was 4 non verbal, probably autistic and unlikely to be able to ever live independently you might be protective too.
Thanks for the replies. I have taken a photo of the mark and will talk to nursery in the morning.

Quite OP. Ridiculous comment from @andfinallyhereweare. Any parent would be upset about their child being in screaming pain from an attack by a child who is a known biter. I had the same with DS3 when he was bitten at about age 3 badly on his back by a child well known for biting. He had a horrible bruise with bite marks for weeks.

I have also had two older DC, one had a short phase as a hair puller and another who bit only once. I was on them like glue around other DC until it passed. Other parents would have rightfully been angry if I’d left them to be able to carry on doing it while they were in my care and I was aware!

It didn’t happen in nursery time of course, but they need to be aware and request in writing that this child is carefully monitored around your DS to prevent further incidents. Poor chap x

@RamblingAroundTheInternet of course any parent would be upset.

i assume you went off sick at work though to stick to your children like glue as the op is suggesting?

Yes. My comment was the ridiculous one, not the should I give up my job because my child was bitten comment. 🙄

I'd worry about the nursery tbh, if they don't have enough staff for the kids? Is that legal??!

I’m sorry your son has been hurt but honestly, if your child does have this level of special needs he will be around children who bite (although probably, usually themselves as they get older) for the rest of his life & it and other behaviours are something that is a risk that will need a sensible approach from those working with these kids.

From a child’s perspective biting is no different to pushing or anything else, they don’t know it is much worse, so the question for those wanting to stop it is why she bites. My son used to pinch adults, probably partly for sensory reasons but largely because they sometimes caused some very interesting reactions. Luckily he was in a setting who had no problem with a po-faced response but my mother in law was like a cause and effect toy [pinch-squeek-pinch-yelp-pinch-scream-pinch-slam door; cue ds killing himself laughing] and we’d always have to apologise profusely to school after every visit because they’d have a few days of increased pinching while he tested out TA/teacher responses to check whether anyone else in his life had become as hilarious as MIL.

Nursery need a plan around the girl and her biting. Even with 1:1 it can be difficult to stop, particularly because children can’t moderate their responses (thank god ds never pinched other children - he was too wary of them). Hopefully it was a one off and your son just happened to be there. But yes raise it with nursery. If it happens again I think say you are concerned about targeting and ask how they are protecting the interactions between the two. He must not keep being bitten, but that hasn’t happened yet and with a decent plan in place shouldn’t.

Well I thought I majorly overreacted to the bite as all was quiet at nursery until this week. He was bitten twice this week (yesterday and today). I don't know it's the same child as obviously they can't tell me but if it is or isn't he's still been bitten twice.
She is non verbal too and I think the biting is frustration but I don't want DS to be on the receiving end ocf her frustration.
I don't know what to do. Obviously nursery apologised and yesterday I was okay but today I was a bit more like why weren't they being watched. DH wants to make a formal complaint but I told him you can't complain about a child who randomly bites. Just feel awful for DS. He's not in the rest of the week but I do worry how he'll react going in to nursery next week. Hopefully he'll forget as otherwise he might think he'll be bitten again and he can't say that so will result in a meltdown.
To the poster who asked they keep to ratio but don't have extra staff for shadowing, doing 1:1 etc
No real point to this, just feeling a bit low tonight.

Sorry to hear this OP. I'm pretty dumbfounded that this has happened twice after you raised in and I do not think you are over reacting at all.

It's not normal or acceptable for kids to bite. Yes some children do it and they should be watched and monitored as a result. It's not your son's fault and it doesn't seem like nursery are telling you that he was antagonistic or aggravating the situation. So this is not on and I would be asking them for a formal response on how they will be keeping your DS safe and injury free.

These things do happen, but nursery has an obligation to protect your son.
I would be putting something in writing asking them what steps they are taking to make sure he isn't hurt while in their care. You can't complain about the child but you can complain about the nursery's failure.
Frankly, if a child is biting and they can't prevent it in some way they need to evaluate whether they are the right setting for the biter.

I don’t understand why the nursery aren’t excluding her? My son bit another child once (won’t go into it but it wasn’t totally his fault, he was reacting to something scary) and we were told if it started to become a ‘thing’ he’d be excluded.

They probably would be upset but they wouldn't all be removing them from nursery though.

I’d complain they are failing your son by allowing him to be repeatedly bitten. They are also failing the child if the same one who’s biting.

I remember my dd coming home crying after being bitten yet again the same child. Hated that child my child isn’t a chew toy for some … child. Sorry get angry even thinking about how shit nursery where and just how much it upset dd.

All biters should be put together in one nursery and may the ultimate win 😂

OP, particularly if he is non verbal and potentially autistic, I wouldn't keep him away. He may well struggle to move into school as it is so getting too used to being at home could set him back. I would take this opportunity to be able to set up ways for you to know if he has been hurt. How does he/ can he communicate this? The ratios at school will be massively different and whilst 4-5 year olds won't bite, they can still potentially hurt each other physically. You need to learn how to spot this, or for DS to be able to communicate it even if non verbally (pointing, crying etc).

He doesn't point but he does cry when he was bitten. They won't exclude her because her mum works there and they don't want to lose a staff member.
Manager said I thought you'd understand how difficult it is to stop her biting (so I suspect it is the child I thought). I do understand but my child is not her personal biting toy.
I'm leaving nursery when my son goes to school as I agree they are not just failing my son (and any other child bitten) but are failing her too.
I strongly suspect if mum didn't work there she would have been excluded ages ago.
Tbf mum is always mortified when her daughter bites but because she has additional needs mum isn't sure how she can stop her (and she can't stop her at nursery because she's in a different room to daughter).

If I were in your shoes I would be complaining to Ofsted. Just because her mum works there does not mean the child should be given carte blanche to behave inappropriately. She should be treated as any other child, and if they would have been excluded then so should she.